


Immortality's a Bitch

by Hereisacreativeusername



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I tagged as major character death but it’s all undeath so idk if it counts, Most characters make an appearance at some point or another, Possibly an offscreen minor character death that you hear about second hand, Ren is here too hi Ren!, Sibling fights, bi weekly update schedule!, but a lot of the main conflict surrounds Barry and Lup already being technically dead, some others might “die” too but I promise they won’t be gone forever, swearing consistent with the rest of the podcast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:54:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hereisacreativeusername/pseuds/Hereisacreativeusername
Summary: "I want you to know that I am always going to be here for you. No matter what. You know that, right?”“I know. I’ll always be here for you too, Lup.”And they held one another for a long moment. And it would have been really nice if not for the small voice whispering in the back of Taako’s head.You’re lying to her.You won’t always be here.You’re going to die.(In which Taako realizes his three favorite people in the world are now immortal and goes on a secret quest for immortality.)
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Kravitz & Lup (The Adventure Zone), Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 173
Kudos: 136





	1. The Party

Today was the twins’ birthday. Probably. Maybe. It was the day they were going to celebrate it, anyway, which is far more important than pinning down the exact date of someone’s birth. Taako and Lup hadn’t really celebrated their birthday as kids. Maybe once at their Aunt’s house. And sometimes they would pretend it was their birthday as part of a hustle to get something free or garner extra sympathy from someone.

Birthdays simply weren’t a priority. When you’re spending all of your time and energy surviving, it’s hard to remember to pause and celebrate the fact that you’re somehow not actually dead yet. And Lup and Taako had spent nearly as long as they could remember fighting and scheming for meals and a place to sleep. Meditating in shifts so someone could keep watch. Stealing magic scrolls from the trash. Stealing _food_ from the trash. Always looking over their shoulder and second guessing. Constantly moving toward the next thing. 

So when they found themselves running from The Hunger and respawning in new planar systems aboard the Starblaster, there was an almost immediate sense of odd familiarity to it.

It had surprised the others how quickly the twins adjusted to a life on the run. How many tricks they knew to stretch food when they were on a plane with limited supplies. How good they were at repairing tears in worn clothing so they looked like new. How resourceful they were with scavenging and finding new purposes for things that anyone else would overlook. Like it was second nature to them.

Truly, it was a blessing that the rest of the crew had them in those first few cycles to look to for a sense of what to do. Lup and Taako modeled how to rebuild and be resourceful and keep moving forward even when things were confusing and hard. Always with a smile. Always with a joke. 

Eventually, the crew was able to settle into the pattern of cycles and find a routine. Or, as much of a routine as one could get when constantly respawning in a new planar system with no way of knowing what was waiting for them on the ground. They learned how to survive. They slowly discovered how to get their basic needs met. There was danger, sure. But it steadily wove itself into their lives to a point where it was something that stayed at the back of the mind rather than the forefront. 

It was Magnus’s idea to start celebrating birthdays. He called a “family meeting” aboard the Starblaster some time around their 10th cycle and announced that the crew needed to start doing something to keep their spirits up. 

He hadn’t strictly needed to call a meeting, as they were all already situated around the table eating breakfast and sipping something that was definitely _not_ coffee but that Taako had managed to transmute into something that resembled coffee enough that you could convince yourself it was just as good if you were the right amount of desperate.

Davenport had been against the idea at first, insisting that the crew was far too busy and the mission far too important for them to take the time to plan and celebrate _seven_ different birthdays per cycle.

“Only six!” Magnus interjected, with a pointed look at the twins. The Captain frowned at him and Magnus grimaced, realizing he would need to adjust his strategy if he wanted to get his idea off the ground. “Okay, what if we split it up? We could do one per cycle! That’s not too much, right?” 

“Hmm… I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” Davenport seemed to float the idea around in his mind for a few moments before nodding to himself. “Sure, yeah. It’ll help with morale. But only cycles where we’re on a safe planet. And only if they don’t interfere with the mission.” 

Magnus pumped his fist and leapt from his seat, “Yes! You won’t regret this, Cappn’Port!” He ran off towards his room and sprinted back in a few moments later with a sheet of paper and a few pens.

He slid across the floor on socked feet, knocking into the table and jolting it a bit. This earned him a stern look from Lup, who had been trying to pour herself some more not-coffee and splashed some over the side of her mug on impact.

“Ah! Watch it, dingus!” She shook her hand dry and sopped the small puddle up with a napkin. “What’s the rush?”

“Sorry, Lup!” He flashed her a sheepish grin. “But we’re on a relatively safe planet right _now_ and we found the light already which means we have, like, four months free. So I thought we should just go ahead and get started.” He began tearing off strips of paper and passing them around the table with a few pens.

“Everyone write your name down and we’ll pick an order out and we can get started planning the one for this cycle!” His puppy dog levels of excitement could be exasperating at times, but once Magnus got an idea in his head it was nearly impossible to keep him from rushing in. With that in mind, the rest of the group accepted their papers with varying levels of enthusiasm. 

Magnus paused and looked to Lup and Taako. “Do you guys _want_ separate cycles or would you rather share your birthday?”

“I’m good with sharing.” Taako shrugged and looked toward his sister, “I mean, as much as I wouldn’t mind a day all about Taako, it would be weird to split it up, right?”

“Sure, as long as you don’t hog the spotlight with your bigass head.” Lup grabbed the slip of paper and wrote _Lup & Taako _ in a nearly illegible scrawl. She balled it up and flicked it over to Magnus, who was gathering the names and putting them in an empty mug. 

Magnus picked them out one by one to determine the order and Lucretia wrote the list down in her book so they could keep track of who was next as the years went on. Barry was first—much to his discomfort—then Magnus, then Lucretia, then Merle, then Davenport. And lastly, the twins. When their cycle finally came around, they picked a random day in the winter to celebrate (they knew their birthday was in a colder month, they just weren’t sure on the specifics).

Working around the parameters set by Davenport, Lup and Taako celebrated three birthdays with the Starblaster crew. And it was nice to celebrate it, even if it felt strange at first. 

After he lost that century, Taako stopped celebrating birthdays again. 

If he hadn’t seen the point when he was traveling around with his sister, he certainly didn’t see the point when he was traveling around alone. What was there to celebrate, really?

But now that she was back and everyone remembered, Magnus was insisting on starting birthday celebrations back up again and Taako wasn’t going to complain. A day dedicated to celebrating him and giving him gifts? Good shit. 

So today was their birthday. Probably. 

Taako was in the kitchen, piping flowers on the cake he had made for Lup, while Lup put finishing touches on the one she had made for Taako. Every surface was occupied with a plate displaying a different type of finger food or dessert. The rest of the crew always tried to insist that they shouldn't have to cook for their own party, but like fuckin’ hell were they going to give anyone else a chance to fuck up their day with sub par hors d'oeuvres.

“That looks nice,” Lup remarked, coming up behind him to admire his handiwork. “Are you gonna pipe a message on top?”

“Fuck no, my handwriting is atrocious… I’m gonna have Krav do it for me.” He set his piping bag down on the counter and turned his attention to his sister. “You didn’t write anything on my cake, did you? Your handwriting is worse than mine.” He glanced over at the cake situated on the other side of the room, eyeing it suspiciously. She laughed and reached over his shoulder to swipe some icing oozing from the end of the bag. 

“No worries; I actually had Kravitz do it like ten minutes ago. This is great, by the way; is this… is this _caramel latte flavored_? God, I love you. Did you know I love you?”

“If you really loved me you’d leave me alone so I could finish making your cake and still have time to freshen up before everyone gets here.”

“Point taken.” She squeezed his shoulders and reached for one more taste of frosting while he tried to swat her hand away (her sleight of hand beat his dexterity, though— _damn those Wonderland liches_ —and she managed to come away victorious). “Should I grab Kravitz for you?”

“Please.” Taako stood from the stool he’d been perched on and stretched, feeling his back give a satisfying series of cracks and pops as he straightened. Lup walked out of the kitchen and into the living room where his boyfriend and her husband were setting up the decorations. 

“Hey, bone man! Your presence is requested in the kitchen!”

“Can’t say I didn’t see this one coming. How anyone is able to read either of your chicken scratch is beyond me.” Kravitz finished affixing a streamer to the ceiling and floated down to the floor. “Only be a moment, Barry, then we can get that banner hung up.” 

“Happy birthday, love,” Kravitz said, waltzing into the kitchen. He had actually been here for hours setting up but hadn’t had a chance to greet his boyfriend yet. Taako had already been deep in the throes of cooking when Kravitz arrived and he knew better than to break Taako out of the zone for a big event like this. He kissed Taako on the cheek, careful not to brush up against him and get flour all over himself. “I heard you might need a little of my expertise.”

“Please. This cake is fucking gorgeous and I don’t want to fuck it up with my shit lettering.” Taako passed him a small icing bag with a light colored frosting inside. “Write ‘happy birthday, sorry you’ll never be the cool twin, glad you have a flesh body again, sorry you were trapped in an umbrella for a decade.’”

“Hmm, don’t think I can fit all of that. How about ‘Happy Birthday, Lup’?” 

“Sure, if you wanna go impersonal and generic.” Taako shrugged, carefully removing his apron.

“I’ll throw in a heart or two to spiff it up, then.”

“That’s worse. Don’t do that.” He watched the grim reaper carefully pipe a birthday message out onto the cake in a beautiful, flowing script and couldn’t help but laugh a little at how ridiculous the sight was. 

Kravitz smiled down at the cake, satisfied with his handiwork. He looked up to see Taako staring at him and gave a sheepish grin. “Does it look okay?” 

Kravitz looked… worried? Like he was genuinely concerned that his piping had been anything short of perfect. Like an actual agent of the goddess of death was _concerned_ that he might have _messed up a birthday cake_. Gods, it was so cute. 

“Fuckin great, babe.” Taako pulled his boyfriend into a tight hug, ignoring the protests that he would get flour all over his suit. He proved those protests to be empty anyway, circling his arms around Taako’s waist and tucking their heads close. 

A knock at the front door shook them from their moment of peace. 

“Shit, I bet that’s Magnus. He’s always so godsdamn _early_ to everything.” Sure enough, they could hear his booming voice greeting Lup and Barry. Taako waved his hand and cast a quick prestidigitation to clear Kravitz’s suit of flour. Kravitz grinned and opened a portal to Taako’s room for him so he could sneak over without having to greet Magnus first.

“You run and get ready; I’ll have Magnus help us finish setting up.”

* * *

By the time Taako had changed and made himself look appropriately presentable, the front room had already been decorated and most of the other guests had arrived. Across the room, Kravitz was looking uncomfortable and holding out a tray in offering to Merle and his kids, as Merle eyed him suspiciously.

“Hey, kids, this is Kravitz, the guy who made Magnus chop my godsdamn—”

“Hey, Merle. Hey. Uh-uh. This is a party,” Lup cut in. “This is _my_ party and we’re not going to harass my _new boss_ at it over old news. We all like your new arm better. Go talk to Magnus.” She shooed him away and he grumbled over having his moment interrupted, but ultimately obliged. “And watch your _fucking_ language around the children,” she called after him. Taako shot his sister a grateful look and mouthed a quick thanks at her. She gave him a grin and a thumbs-up. 

Taako wandered around the party for a bit, greeting friends and soaking in the compliments he was getting about the food. Angus spotted him and rushed over with a grin. 

“Happy birthday, sir! Thank you for inviting me to your party!”

“Hey, sure thing, Angus. How’s the magic going?” 

“Really good, sir. I just started at Lucus’s school and I’m learning a whole lot already.”

“Still no chance of transferring to my school, huh?” Taako cocked an eyebrow at his former student. “Honestly, you’d wipe the floor with half of the student body, even if you are essentially a baby.”

“Thank you, sir, but I think I’m going to stay where I am for now.” Angus laughed and shuffled his feet, pleased with the compliment. “You’re always welcome to come visit, though! I could show you around the campus and the library and we could catch up!”

“Oh, for sure, my dude, for sure. But hey, listen, I think I hear Lup calling me; I need to go, uh, check on the, uh, the food.”

“Okay, that's... that's a little patronizing. You can just say no, sir, it won’t hurt my f—”

“Yeah, sorry, I gotta—Lup, are you calling me?” he called out in a random direction. Angus rolled his eyes. “I think Lup is calling me; I gotta go check on that.” Taako brushed past Angus and walked off, shouting “Coming!” despite the fact that Angus could see Lup talking to Killian in the opposite direction. Angus shrugged. Honestly not the worst reaction he could have gotten.

Taako walked a few feet away from Angus. He felt a little bad for blowing him off, but he was pretty sure Angus knew he was goofing when he did stuff like that at this point. Besides, he had absolutely zero desire to set foot anywhere near Lucus’s dumbass school. That guy was a dick. 

Taako walked over to Kravitz and spent a few minutes hanging off of his arm and watching the interactions and conversations swirl around them. Soon enough, Magnus (who considered himself personally responsible for keeping IPRE birthday parties moving) called everyone over to the sitting area so the twins could open their birthday gifts. Lup protested that she felt weird opening gifts in front of everyone but was quickly overruled by the rest of the party.

Magnus insisted on giving the twins their gift from him first and Taako was pleasantly surprised to find that it was an intricately carved wooden box that Magnus had gotten charmed with some kind of abjuration magic to prevent anyone but the owner from opening it. 

“The carvings are beautiful, Magnus,” Lup remarked, examining the detail on her box. “I’ll be honest, I was expecting another duck, so this is great,” 

“Yeah, no, there’s absolutely a carved duck inside of the box, isn’t there?” Taako interjected. 

“I wouldn't know, I can’t open the thing,” Magnus said, with an exaggerated wink. 

“Magnus.” Lup sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I love you and I think of you as family and you will always have an important place in my life. But this is the third goddamn duck you have given me in the last four months alone. You know I don’t have any need for that many ducks, right? You know that?”

Magnus gave a hearty laugh and a few more winks.

“He’s definitely getting us another duck for Candlenights, right?” Lup muttered to her brother in the animal language the mongeese had taught them during cycle one.

“Oh, absolutely,” Taako muttered back. “Maybe we should start selling them. A bird carved by a bird? Could be worth something.” Taako set his box down on an end table and it was quickly replaced by another gift. 

There was a flurry of wrapping paper and bags and jokes that ensued as the twins finished opening their gifts from their friends. Taako was particularly excited about the surfboard Barry got for him. They all had a laugh when the siblings opened the earrings from Ren and switched with one another immediately upon opening without even needing to exchange words. He even gritted his teeth and thanked Lucretia for the portrait she had done of him and Lup on the jello planet, laughing and surrounded by bizarre jiggling creatures—he might still be fucking pissed at her but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a fucking outstanding painting. 

Once the paper had settled and everyone had been properly thanked, the group stayed in their circle and settled into a comfortable conversation while Avi passed wine around. 

“So which one of you is the older twin, anyway?” Merle asked, pushing Mookie’s hand away from his glass of wine. 

“Who knows?” Taako shrugged. And truly, he had no idea. By the time they’d been old enough to think to ask, there wasn’t anyone around who could tell them.

“Hey, actually, I guess you’re technically the older one now, since my new body just got made from a 12 year old kiss.” 

“Huh, I guess you’re right.” Taako hadn’t really thought of that yet but, yeah. Lup’s body was younger than his now. That was... weird. It was already weird that they weren’t identical without his disguise self spell anymore, but at least they had magic to remedy that. He shifted uncomfortably and glanced around the room, but no one else seemed put off by this.

“Wait, Lup—do you even technically age now? Since you’re a reaper and all?” Magus asked.

“Oh. Huh. I guess not? I hadn’t thought of that.” She leaned forward to look around Taako at Kravitz. “Krav?”

“Yeah, you’re done aging,” the reaper confirmed. “I mean, technically you’re already dead.”

“Guess Taako’s officially an older sibling,” Merle laughed. 

Taako stood up suddenly. “Okay, who wants cake?” He made sure to keep his back to Lup as he spoke because she would notice how forced his smile was and then this would turn into a whole _thing_.

“Taako, you’re an older brother now. You can start pulling rank,” Magnus piped in. “Get Lup to do it.”

Older brother? Nope. No, he did not like that at all. Hated it, actually. He beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen. 

* * *

The rest of the party was _fine_. Everyone else seemed to forget about the age conversation by the time Taako returned from the kitchen. The cakes were both big hits with everyone, natch, and Ren even cornered him to get the recipe. At one point, Mookie tried to wrestle Angus but failed to consider that Angus was an accomplished magic boy now and the young dwarf ended up getting trapped in a bubble and floating around the room for a bit, which was honestly funny enough to brighten Taako’s mood. 

As the hour got later, Avi started passing around harder and harder drinks. Merle took his kids home through a rift to put them to bed and quickly returned to turn on some music and get people dancing (the dude had 1,999 party points!) Magnus got drunk and kept slinging his arms around Taako and Lup to tell them how much he loved them and how glad he was to celebrate their birthday. Carey started picking pockets while Killian followed her around trying to stop her (this was standard for the rogue when she got drunk and the reason Taako had stuffed loose pudding into his pockets this morning). 

Barry and Taako returned to their time-honored tradition of Barry drunkenly pointing at people and whispering a different article of clothing to Taako, at which point Taako would transmute the chosen clothing piece into denim and they would see how long it would take the wearer to notice. (Their longest ever record was 12 hours for Merle to notice his jacket and their shortest was about .001 seconds for Magnus to notice his underwear). 

Eventually, though, the party wound down, as parties are wont to do. The guests sluggishly filed out, wishing happy birthdays and making quick plans to meet up soon that they likely would forget about by morning. 

It was very late (or early, technically) by the time the last few stragglers exited the Goldcliff apartment that Lup, Taako, and Barry were renting while the city rebuilt. The place was a disaster so despite the late (early?) hour, the three and Kravitz stayed up to toss out the trash and get the food put away and start a pile of left behind items that they would inevitably forget to return to the owners and would either be thrown out or adopted into their own lives.

Taako was putting the leftovers into containers when Lup joined him in the kitchen.

“Hey, think fast.” She tossed him a long box wrapped in shiny paper. He caught it in his arms, stumbling back a few steps, and gave her a quizzical look.

“We agreed no gifts.”

“Shut the fuck up; no we didn’t.”

“Oh shit, didn’t we? Could have sworn…” He trailed off, pretending not to notice Lup rolling her eyes at him. 

“No, no, I remember now, Taako. You’re right. We said no gifts. Better just give that box back to me and we’ll—” She moved to take it from her brother and he held it close to his chest, jerking away. 

“No take-backsies.” He kept a serious face for another half second before cracking into a wide grin. “Okay, fine.” He reached into his pocket. “Fair warning, I didn’t wrap shit.” Taako pulled out the pocket spa and handed it to his sister. 

“Jeez, your _used pocket spa_? You didn’t have to go all out.”

“Go inside, goofus. I had to keep it somewhere you wouldn’t go snooping.” Lup opened the pocket spa and stepped inside, Taako following behind. 

“Holy shit, Taako.” The pocket spa was filled with what could only be described as a _shitton_ of the most beautiful clothes Lup had seen. Lup wandered over to a few items that were neatly stacked on top of a massage table, running her hand over the different fabrics. 

“I know you just got your body back and I know you don’t have a ton of shit and I didn’t want you to be stuck wearing all of your old Starblaster gear. I know you’re probably sick of having to raid my closet. So I thought. Ya know. Wardrobe update. We’ll have to do a whole montage of you, like, trying different stuff on while Barry, Krav, and I nod or shake our heads at shit but I guess that can wait till later.”

She grinned, looking around the room in amazement. “Where did you get all of this?”

“Uh. Honestly? Mixture of buying it with savior-of-the-realm money and just straight up theft from stylish rich people on trains.” 

“Fuck that makes it so much better.” She gave him a hug and realized he wasn’t hugging her back because he was still holding the box she’d handed him. “Oh shit, I forgot. Please open that right now. It’s—I am very excited for you to open it.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice, dude.” Taako tore the paper off of the box, which was more challenging than it should have been because _godsdamn_ did Lup go overboard with the tape. He opened it and flipped the lid off to reveal:

An umbrella. 

“I—Lup, is this—I don’t—”

“It’s a new umbrastaff. I know it’s like, kind of a touchy subject for both of us or whatever but I know you liked the last one and part of that was probably because your sister was fuckin trapped in it but I also think it suited you really well and it was kind of cool to be there to help protect you and this way I kind of… still will be? In a way? Only symbolically this time. Also, it’s purple, which is really much more your style than the last one so—” Taako grabbed hold of his sister and crushed her into a tight embrace.

“Lup, I—I love it.” 

“I love _you_.” It took a moment for her to extract her arms from his vice-like grip but once she successfully freed herself she wrapped her arms around him, holding tight in return.

“Just… promise me one thing?”

“Of course.” She pulled back a bit, concern etched on her face. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just... promise me this one won’t try to murder my boyfriend.” Lup snorted at him, giving him a teasing tug on his braid. He gave an exaggerated yelp. 

“Not unless you tell it to.” They laughed and she bit her lip, a serious expression flashing across her face as she yanked him back into a hug, her face buried in his shoulder. “Seriously, though, Taako, I missed you so much and I want you to know that I am always going to be here for you. No matter what. You know that, right?”

“I know. I’ll always be here for you too, Lup.”

And they held one another for a long moment. And it would have been really nice if not for the small voice whispering in the back of Taako’s head.

_You’re lying to her._

_You won’t always be here._

_You’re going to die._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy here we go!  
> I genuinely have no idea how long this is going to end up being. Could be anywhere from like 5 chapters to like 25 chapters or absolutely anywhere in between because my outline is a very loose jumble of ideas stacked atop one another in a trench coat. But thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed and hopefully I will get another chapter up sometime within the next week or so!


	2. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako has a bad dream and commits crêpe murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two here we go!! 
> 
> Before anything else I wanted to give a gigantic thank you to veritably_mad, who has been so incredibly helpful with edits and ideas and has been reading my stuff since I was a preteen writing yugioh fan fiction in a composition notebook. They're a literary genius and the best person I know. 
> 
> Also there is a night terror that pops up in this chapter so if that is something that will be distressing to you, please be safe.

It was nearly four in the morning by the time Taako made his way to his room. He pulled his hat off and tossed it to the floor, flopping onto the bed without bothering to change out of his party clothes. Kravitz followed him into the room a moment later and Taako didn’t have the physical or emotional energy to care when he heard his boyfriend let out a little laugh at the sight of him. 

“Come on, love, at least take your shoes off. You’ll be much more comfortable.” Kravitz crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing a hand between Taako’s shoulder blades, working out the knots. 

“Fuck that, too tired,” Taako groaned, his voice muffled by the pillow. The mattress shifted as Kravitz stood up, his weight leaving the bed. 

Taako felt an unusually sharp panic bubble up in his chest at the thought of being left alone. He lifted his head, a reflexive arm shooting out to grab Kravitz by the wrist. 

“You’re not staying the night?” The words rushed out too fast, his usual cadence abandoned in favor of blurting it out as quickly as possible, before Kravitz had a chance to open a rift and vanish. 

Kravitz looked surprised by the sudden movement. Fuck. Was that too desperate? 

“Don’t be ridiculous; it’s your birthday.” Kravitz lifted the wrist Taako had latched onto up to his face, depositing a light kiss against his boyfriend’s hand before carefully prying it off. It didn’t take much effort—Taako was too tired for his grip to be very strong. “Of course I’m staying.” 

Taako flopped his head back down, relaxing a bit at the affirmation, and listened as Kravitz’s footsteps moved to the end of the bed. He smiled into the pillow as hands began unlacing his shoes and prying them off. Fuck, it felt good to not be wearing them any more. Maybe Kravitz had a point about changing before bed. Or, he would have had a point if he wasn’t currently giving Taako brilliant positive reinforcement for his laziness in the form of a short foot massage. 

Kravitz moved to Taako’s arms next, pulling off his rings and bangles and carefully setting them on the crowded bedside table. And yeah, okay, that definitely felt better, too. Taako couldn’t stop a small groan of relief as he felt the heavy silver jewelry slip off.

Kravitz ran his cold thumbs across the areas of skin that had indentations from the jewelry pressing in all night. He started humming a soft tune that Taako didn’t recognize as he worked, stroking along his fingers, pausing here and there to brush chilled lips along his wrists and forearms.

Next came the ears, which Taako had adorned with a mass of shimmering earrings. Kravitz worked slowly, untangling a few of the dangling sets that had gotten twisted up in one another and gently dislodging them. Taako could hear the humming more clearly and marveled at how lovely Kravitz’s voice was. He was a little embarrassed by the ASMR-esque chills he got whenever the notes dipped into the lower register. If Kravitz noticed, he mercifully didn’t say anything. 

“Okay,” Kravitz said as he unhooked the last earring, “roll over so I can get your belt off.”

“ _Babe_ , I am _flattered_ and trust me, normally I would be _very_ into it but it’s a little late for all that.”

“I am well aware of how late it is—” Kravitz placed one hand on Taako’s hip and another on his shoulder, rolling him over with an exaggerated grunt. “—which is why you need to _cooperate_ so I can get you out of your party clothes and you can be comfortable enough to actually _get some godsdamn sleep._ ” 

Taako rolled his eyes but lifted his hips so Kravitz could unfasten his belt and slide it off.

“ _There_. That’s as far as I’m going. If you want anything else off, you’ll have to—I don’t know—get out of bed and take it off yourself.” Kravitz rolled his eyes in return but his smile stayed soft.

“Are you sure that’s as far as you’re going? It is my birthday, ya know.”

“You’re the one who said it was too late for all that.” Kravitz flopped himself down in bed next to Taako and reached up to stroke his cheek. “But trust me, I have an extra birthday present that I will absolutely be giving you as soon as you feel up to it.” 

Taako’s eyebrow shot up. “Actually, I’m feeling very awake all of a sudden.”

“I’m sure you are, love. But I have a feeling that will wear off in a moment and I am going to require your full, undivided attention when I give it to you.” He kissed along Taako’s cheekbone and propped himself up on his elbows to start undoing Taako’s braid. “Relax, okay? I’ll still be here when you wake up—I got explicit permission from the Raven Queen to take some time off.” 

Taako let out a soft sigh and rolled over to allow better access to his braid. Cool hands ran through his hair, massaging his scalp and releasing the pressure his hairdo had been creating all night. Within seconds he was dead to the world.

* * *

Kravitz had been immortal for a long time. Not very long by reaper standards, of course, but he’d spent much more of his existence dead than living. As such, there were a lot of aspects of being mortal that he hadn’t really thought of until he started dating one. 

Breathing, for example. 

Breathing was something Kravitz did for two reasons alone:

  1. To power speech. Couldn’t make words if he didn’t have air in his lungs (and even then, he could talk much longer between breaths than most living beings could).
  2. For dramatic effect. Gasping or sighing or yawning. He didn’t strictly _need_ to do any of these things, but he was a bard in his life, and a part of him never stopped being a bit of a performer. 



But Taako. He actually needed to breathe. Which, yeah, was obvious. But it had taken a while for Kravitz to get used to the _constant_ movement. His chest was always rising and falling. Air was passing in and out, tickling Kravtz’s chest or neck when he fell asleep against him. He gasped for air when he had to run or climb too many stairs or during, uh, _other_ aerobic activities. Breathing wasn't a choice for Taako; it was a part of his life. And Kravitz loved it because he loved everything that had to do with Taako’s life. 

His heartbeat, for example, which was currently beating at a slow, steady resting rhythm that Kravitz was so used to listening to he could probably pick it out of a lineup. If auditory lineups were a thing, that is. 

Again, Kravitz did technically have a functioning heart; he just had to will it to beat. Otherwise, it remained motionless in his chest. But he also had ears specially tuned to hear heartbeats in living creatures. It was a necessary part of the job, and something that he used to hunt his bounties. But Kravitz hadn’t seen it as anything more than a tool to be used for work until he met Taako. 

Suddenly, the ability to listen in on someone’s pulse became a very exciting perk. 

He reveled in hearing how it sped uncontrollably when Kravitz kissed him or flirted. How it spiked when he came into the room. How Taako had no way to cover how it announced his affectionate feelings—much to his amusement and Taako’s embarrassment whenever he pointed it out. Proof that he really could get flustered, as much as he liked to pretend he was immune to it.

Occasionally, though, the ability to hear his boyfriend’s heartbeat was less charming than it was concerning. 

Take tonight, for example. It had been strangely erratic, suddenly spiking at seemingly random intervals while Kravitz had helped him get ready for bed. 

Like when he’d thought Kravitz was leaving. It felt panicked in a way it typically only did when Taako woke from a night terror or was slipping into a panic attack. Sure, Taako _pouted_ sometimes when Kravitz was leaving. He’d get sad sometimes. Occasionally even worried, if he knew Kravitz was going out on a particularly tricky bounty. But never panicked.

As an elf, Taako’s heartbeat was always naturally a bit faster than that of other creatures, but tonight it had been absolutely tachycardic. Almost hummingbird-eque. The way Kravitz’s bounties’ hearts sounded when he caught them by surprise; certainly not how it usually sounded when Taako was tired out and ready to sleep.

Unless something was very, very wrong.

But he hadn’t said anything to indicate that he was upset. So maybe he was just reading into it? They’d been together for about a year now and Kravitz had a pretty good idea of how Taako operated, but he could still be such a mystery sometimes. A year was a significant amount of time, but it didn’t mean Kravitz knew enough to guess what was going on inside of that beautiful brain based on a few biological indicators alone.

At any rate, Kravitz knew him well enough at this point to know not to pry. Usually Taako would sit on something that was bothering him for a few hours (or days, depending on the size of the problem) until he had figured out his own feelings about it. Then he would spill everything out at once.

It wasn’t necessarily the healthiest method, but it was better than pressing him to share something he wasn’t comfortable with yet. That only ever caused him to withdraw. Kravitz figured that if something still seemed wrong in a few days and Taako hadn’t said anything about it, he’d bring it up himself.

For now, he was content to just sit quietly while his boyfriend slept. Hell, maybe he’d even get some sleep himself. He only ever really did that when he was with Taako, and it was kind of nice to just shut everything off now and then. He could see why Taako preferred it to meditation.

At first, that had kind of irritated him. It meant less time that they could spend actually doing things together. But he tolerated it because it made Taako happy, and he said he felt drained if he meditated too many nights in a row. But after actually _trying_ it, Kravitz finally understood how godsdamn great it was to just shut everything out for a few hours at a time. Mortals were really on to something there.

Kravitz grabbed a few more blankets from the foot of the bed and threw them over Taako, carefully arranging them to minimize skin contact. He knew it got cold sharing the bed with a walking icicle and didn’t want Taako to wake up shivering again. The elf was always too stubborn to move away from him no matter how cold it got and would hold on until his teeth were chattering if no one stopped him. Kravitz gave his sleeping boyfriend a quick kiss on the cheek before letting out a contented sigh (for dramatic effect) and allowing unconsciousness to wash over him.

* * *

The Starblaster had just materialized in a new planar system. Taako's left hand held Lup’s. Just like always. Familiar. 

His right hand...

He turned and his eyes met Kravitz’s. Un— _familiar._ Right. Of course Kravitz was here. He always was. Taako smiled at him and turned around to face the captain’s chair. Barry was seated at the helm, wearing his IPRE robe and steering the ship towards the prime material plane.

Taako stepped off of the Starblaster and his eyes adjusted to the light. They had touched down outside of a small, rustic town. Taako glanced up at the large gate looming in front of him.

_By Their Sacrifice, Our Home is Made Safe_

He felt a tug in the pit of his stomach. Familiarity? Anxiety? Something else? He opened his mouth to say something, but the words evaporated before they reached his tongue, and then Lup was grabbing him by the arm and pulling him deeper into the town.

One step, two. The four arrived at the bank and stopped short. Waiting for…something. Taako glanced up at the clock tower and felt another strange pull. This time he was sure that the feeling was anxiety. 11:50.

“Guys, we—we really need to leave.” He tore his eyes away from the clock tower and turned to Lup. She was crying. Dread pooled in his gut. He grabbed hold of her arm and tried to pull her away, but she didn’t move. “Lup, are you—shit, are you okay? We legit need to get out of here.”

He looked back at the clock. 11:59. The pulling sensation was stronger now. Insistent.

“Lup, we need to move."

She didn’t say anything. Just sunk to the ground, still silently crying. Barry sat down next to her, putting his arm around her in comfort. He looked at Taako, an accusatory look in his eye.

“This is your fault.”

“ _What_ is my fault? Get up! We need to go!” He spun to face Kravitz, latching his hands onto his arm. Pulling. Begging. “Krav, help me get Lup out of here. Please, we—we need to go. I’m fucking serious. We can’t be here.” Oh, fuck, this was bad. This was so fucking bad and no one was _listening_ to him and—and—“Listen, we’ve gotta fuckin hightail it out of town or we’re all gonna fuckin die.”

“No, we’re not.” Lup didn’t look at him when she finally spoke, her voice void of emotion. The clock tower’s chimes started ringing out around them. Oh, shit.

“If we stay here, we abso-fuckin-lutely will."

“ _No,_ Taako. You don’t get it. We won’t.” She raised her head to look at him, tears streaming down her otherwise expressionless face. “But you…you will.”

The ground shifted, falling and rising like ocean waves as the colors in the buildings surrounding him began to bleed out into the atmosphere. He lurched forward to grab hold of Lup, Barry, Kravitz— anyone— but his hands hit against an invisible wall, cutting him off from his family. On the opposite side, Kravitz’s lips moved quickly, saying something that didn’t reach Taako’s ears.

He heard a strangled cry; a sob catching in someone’s throat. His throat. The chimes grew louder, filling the air around him as he frantically pounded his fists against the barrier, clawed his nails against the force, threw his shoulder against it.

The ground lurched suddenly, knocking him off balance.

As Taako stumbled back, the ground opened beneath him and he was falling into the dark earth, fire burning and earth crushing and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t fucking breathe.

* * *

Taako woke up screaming. 

Within seconds, he felt cool arms encircle him as Kravitz pulled him close, tethering him to reality and murmuring affirmations. 

“It’s okay. You’re okay. It was a dream. You’re awake now. I’m here. You’re safe.”

Ah. Night terror, then. Wasn’t the first time he’d had one with Kravitz over, but fuck if it wasn’t equally embarrassing every time it happened. On the bright side, it had happened enough times that at this point they had a bit of a standard protocol for how to handle them. He let himself be pulled close to his boyfriend’s chest, which rose and fell with a steady but unnecessary breathing pattern for Taako to try to mimic. It was a sweet gesture, but it never really helped.

He gasped for air while Kravitz ran hands through his hair—contact was key—and he managed to get a fuckin’ grip after a few minutes. Kravitz was here and holding him and that meant he probably wasn’t dead. Although, given that he was the literal grim reaper, that was still not entirely out of the question—but it did seem a lot less likely with each passing moment.

After a minute or two (or more, who the fuck knows), he calmed down enough to pull away a bit. He avoided direct eye contact while Kravitz reached out to wipe tears away from his face and, fuck, of course he’d been crying. As if this wasn’t a vulnerable enough godsdamn situation. 

“Was it another one about Lup disappearing?” Kravitz asked, voice soft. And, yeah, that was a safe assumption. Ever since he got his memories back, that was the most common theme of these fun little exercises. That or the Hunger coming and eating the entire world. Both were equally bad. 

Taako thought on it, fuzzy and disjointed threads of the dream coming back to him. “Uh, fuck—I don’t—uh, no, not—not this time.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I mean, not fuckin’ really.”

“Do you want to try to go back to sleep?”

“No!” Taako flinched a bit at his own tone. Okay, that came out a bit more forceful than was probably strictly necessary. No point yelling at the guy. Kravitz seemed unphased by the outburst. 

“No,” he tried again, softer. “I don’t want to slip back into it again. Don’t wanna—don't wanna go two for the price of one on this. Think I’m gonna get up and—fuck, maybe make some breakfast? Brunch? I don’t fucking know what time it is. Lup didn’t come running in when I—she’s gotta still be sleeping. I can get something cooking for when everyone wakes up.”

“Okay.” Kravitz was still speaking very slowly, like he was worried about upsetting him, which was weird because Taako was _fine_. “Do you want company or space?”

“I, uh—”

Both, if he was being honest. He wanted both. Company and space. He wanted Kravitz to hold on to him and not leave him alone and remind him that he was awake and safe and alive _and_ he wanted some time to himself to sort his thoughts out and maybe let some tears fall, if only to relieve the fucking pressure in his head. 

“Can—can you come out in, like, half an hour? I just—I need to get everything cooking.”

“Of course, love,” Kravitz said, his face still set in that stupid worried expression that was equal parts sweet and irritating because there was nothing to be worried about. 

Taako leaned forward to give him a quick kiss before standing up (still in his outfit from last night, sans any accessories). He pulled his hair out of his face and into a quick ponytail and took a deep breath. “Hey, Krav? I’m fine. Promise, okay? I just need to, like, figure out what I’m making everyone before you come in and distract me. Nothing to see here. I’m good.”

“Right, yeah, of course. I’ll give you some space to, uh, get brunch started. Feel free to let me know if you need any help...cooking.” The concerned expression didn’t go away, but at least he had the decency to not try pointing out that Taako had, in fact, been extremely _not_ fine just a few moments prior. "I love you."

"Love you back."

* * *

Technically speaking, there wasn’t much point in cooking anything. The house was still overstocked with leftovers from the party (not to mention fairly depleted of ingredients from all of the cooking and baking they had done yesterday to prepare). Maybe he could get Barry to go grocery shopping later. 

He dug through the cabinets and settled on making crêpes. You can’t be sad when you’re eating a crêpe. You _definitely_ can’t think about the inevitability of death when you’re eating a crêpe.

He cracked some eggs into a bowl while he tried to regulate his breathing. To be honest, it was a lot harder to come down from a dream like that when there was no one around, but he really needed to get himself together without anyone around to see him. Besides, he’d had plenty of practice dealing with this bullshit alone over the last ten years. He could focus on brunch and be totally fine before Kravitz came to join him in—he checked the clock—23 minutes. He stifled a groan, unsure sure if that was too much time or not enough. 

Taako settled into the familiar routine of a recipe he’d made a few hundred times. With his hands busy, he could finally think. 

Elves live for a very long time. Around 750 years on average, which didn’t even count the extra hundred years he’d had on the Starblaster, but that wasn’t the point—he started whisking ingredients together with a bit too much ferocity—the _point_ was that living so much longer than other beings made it really fucking hard to conceptualize time in the same way. 

Like humans. They live for, what? Seventy-five, eighty years? Seventy-five years fly by like diddly-shit when you know you’re going to live ten times as long. It was why Taako had never even entertained the idea of dating a human or a dwarf or a tiefling or, fuck, even a half-elf. What was the fucking point of trying to start a relationship with someone who, best case scenario, was going to fucking die and leave you alone? You either get dumped or you live together long enough to watch them get old and die in front of you. It was all just dust.

But if seventy-five years was nothing to him, what was seven hundred and fifty years to an eternity?

When he and Kravitz started dating, Taako had been excited to finally find someone he wasn’t going to outlive by a fuck-ton. He hadn’t really considered the flip side of that. The side where Kravitz had to watch _him_ get old and die. 

And, fuck. Getting old. What a concept. He spent a childhood thinking he’d never make it to old age, followed by a hundred years of not aging, followed by another decade of thinking he’d die before he even made it to three hundred. But now he was going to get old? While his boyfriend and his sister just stayed young and watched him? 

Wasn’t he really just dying in slow motion right now?

He poured the first crêpe into a pan, watching it start to bubble from the heat. 

Taako hated being alone. Hated being left out. Hated being forgotten about. Absolutely hated it. And honestly? He’d always just kinda figured he and Lup were going to die at the same time when they finally got around to dying permanently. Womb to tomb, baby. 

But now that she was immortal, was he just supposed to, what, die alone? Like, by himself? Get tossed into the sea of souls and forgotten while his sister and brother-in-law and boyfriend just stayed behind and lived together forever without him? Would Kravitz even still want him when he got old? Would he leave when he realized Taako was aging without him? Oh, shit, would he get tossed into the sea of souls and be forgotten while sister and brother in law and EX-boyfriend stay behind and forget about him? And what about—

“Taako, are you gonna flip that or are you trying to catch the place on fire? Just curious.”

Taako started at his sister’s voice, his attention snapping back to the smoking crêpe on the stovetop in front of him. “Oh, shit.” He snatched the pan off of the burner and brought it over to the garbage can to try chiseling the now-burnt crêpe into the trash. “Did you just wake up?”

“Yup.” She walked over to the stove, yawning as she grabbed another pan and set it down on the still hot burner Taako had just vacated. She buttered it and poured in some fresh batter. “So, what’s the deal with the crêpe murder? Are you sleep deprived or are you overthinking something?”

“Just tired.” He gave up trying to scrape the burnt batter off of the pan and prestidigitated it clean instead. He glanced over at Lup, who was giving him a weird look. “What?”

“What yourself.” She carefully flipped the crêpe. Not as much flair as Taako would have given it but it was precise. Six out of ten.

There was clearly something she wanted to say to him, but he decided not to press. If there was one thing he knew about his sister, it was that she had shit patience. It was easy to wait her out. Taako turned the spare burner on and set his newly cleaned pan down on it so he could cook next to his sister. 

“Okay.”—About thirty seconds. Impressive that she lasted that long before breaking the silence—“What’s eating at you?”

Ah. Right. Stupid of him to think she wouldn’t immediately notice something was wrong. It was pointless lying to her. 

“Nothing, I’m fine.” The fact that lying was pointless didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. He wasn’t a fucking quitter. 

“Tell. Me. What’s. Wrong.” Lup punctuated each word by bonking him on the head with her spatula. 

“Okay, _okay._ Fuck! You’re gonna get batter in my hair! You win. Shit.” He grabbed the spatula mid swing through the air and ducked out of the way. Fortunately, she ended her assault on his head and crossed her arms expectantly, smiling at her small victory. 

“I just had, like, a weird dream or whatever, okay?” It wasn’t a lie. He could usually get away with a half truth without her noticing right away.

“Oh.” Lup’s smile slid off of her face. She was deeply familiar with his ‘weird dreams.’ There had been countless nights growing up where she’d been the one to shake him out of them and soothe him when he woke up. 

“It’s okay, though. All good. Krav was there and I’m awake now. I’m just, ya know...”

“Still trying to shake it?” Her voice was gentle now. 

“Yeah.” 

“Any chance you want to talk about it?”

Taako wished people would stop asking him that. He flipped his crêpe. High arc but botched the landing a bit. Seven and a half out of ten. 

“Nope.” He tilted his head so it was resting on her shoulder and she put her free arm around him, using the other to slide a crêpe onto a growing pile. 

“Do you wanna see how many of these we can stack on Barry before he wakes up?”

“Abso-fuckin-lutely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Note: they stacked about five on his chest and probably could have made it to an easy dozen but they got bored and switched to stacking them on his face. He woke up almost instantly.
> 
> This chapter was so hard to write! If any of you ever hear me mention that I'm going to write another dream sequence, please stop me. Hope you all enjoyed and are staying safe and healthy and are feeling much less angsty than Taako is :)


	3. Office Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako does some research and has an epiphany.

Taako sat at his desk, eyes skimming over the same piece of paperwork for the tenth time without actually retaining any information. As far as he could tell, it was some kind of legal bullshit that schools have to do every few years to keep accredited—but beyond that? No fucking clue.

Fuck it, he’d ask Ren to look it over for him later and summarize the important bits. He hadn’t been able to focus on anything for the past few days, his mind still completely occupied with the conversation from his birthday party. It didn’t help that he’d been sleeping like shit lately. 

He’d never been able to bury himself in work as a distraction when he was stressed like Lucretia, Barry, and Davenport could. The thought of trying to actually focus on something when his brain was being devoured by overwhelming existential dread was…well, it just wasn’t possible. His brain was wired to shut anything down that wasn’t a direct solution to the problem he was hyperfixated on at the moment. Blame it on years of fighting for survival as a kid or something. 

Unable to entertain the idea of pretending to work any longer, he decided he needed a change in scenery. Not one that would require him standing up and actually _moving_ , though, so he swiveled around in his chair to face the bookshelf behind his desk. He leaned forward, propping his elbows up against his knees so he could rest his chin on his fists. 

It was an impressive piece—he’d custom-ordered it from Magnus and for the amount the dude had charged him, it better have been. Polished blackwood shelves spanned the length of his office, taking over the entire back wall. At the center of the shelf, directly behind Taako’s desk, Magnus had attached a large amaranth panel in the shape of a waxing crescent moon. Silver paintings of the moon’s phases adorned the border and had been enchanted to glow softly when the lights were dimmed.

The contents of the shelves were equally impressive. An assortment of crystals, expensive-looking gems, and rare magical items sat nestled between thousands of books—more than most beings could read in their lifetime.

Taako’s eyes flitted across the titles. A lot of cook books and books on transmutation spells that he had mostly memorized. A Caleb Cleaveland novel or two that he had enchanted to look like a dictionary because he didn’t want anyone to know he had them but fuck if it wasn’t a good mystery… Most of the books were impressively bound tomes that were blank on the inside but were supposed to look dope as fuck behind him when a student or staff member was sitting on the other side of the desk.

There was, however, a single shelf near the bottom filled with Barry’s old notebooks. 

When Barry became an emissary of the Raven Queen, he’d had to denounce necromancy and agree to stop dealing in any necromantic arts not directly required for the job. Given that the guy had been studying the field for over a century and had dedicated multiple lifetimes to it…well, it had been a difficult thing to just give up over night. 

So he sent the journals to stay with someone he trusted. Normally, Lup would be his go-to, but obviously that wouldn’t work since they were sort of in the same boat. Taako was the next logical choice in his mind. 

It hadn’t made a ton of sense to Taako at first, since he was literally dating the Raven Queen’s favorite reaper, but Barry assured him that they weren’t technically illegal for him to have as long as he didn’t use them for anything nefarious. So there they sat, gathering dust on his shelf. 

Taako got up and wandered over to them, squatting down to their level and letting his fingers lightly brush over a cracked spine. He was probably allowed to _read_ them, right? As long as it was for purely educational purposes? Like, he ran a school, so he should probably be more aware of all of the different schools of magic and how they work. Plus, if he knew more about necromancy, he could recognize it faster and stop students from going too far with it. Cut if off at the source, right? 

He’d just give them a quick look out of curiosity and then he could close them again and not have to think about it any more and— 

Actually, fuck it. Who was he trying to justify this for? It was a book, it was in his office, and he was going to read it. Last he checked, _reading_ wasn’t illegal. Who gives a shit?

He yanked a journal off of the shelf and started flipping through the pages. It looked like this was one of Barry’s earlier notebooks, filled with spells Taako was all too familiar with after so many years fighting next to the guy. Nothing particularly interesting or useful. You’ve seen a guy cast Circle of Death once, you’ve seen it a thousand times.

He tossed it onto his desk and pulled out another book at random. This one appeared to be more recent, detailing some of Barry’s experiments aboard the Starblaster, observations about the Light of Creation, and theories on how to stop the Hunger. Taako flipped through the pages, shoving bits of paper between pages to mark passages he wanted to come back to. 

The next book was one from after they had lost Lup and was filled almost entirely with maps and tracking magic. Taako snapped it shut and tossed it to the side. No use digging through that one; he was already intimately familiar with the contents, having spent so much time reading it over Barry’s shoulder during their search. 

He hastily pulled another out, this one filled with high-level necromancy spells that were _definitely_ experimental and _definitely_ not something Kravitz would be happy about. Taako put that in the “definitely read this one” pile.

He kept moving through each journal, skimming, marking pages, and sorting them according to whether they were useful or not. Because, yeah, fine, okay, he wasn’t just looking through them for educational purposes. He was, in fact, looking for something that could maybe possibly help him extend his life a little bit. Like, for eternity or whatever. 

At the end of his sorting, he had a pile of twenty-one journals of varying sizes that he wanted to look through thoroughly, a pile of thirty-eight journals that he didn’t think would be helpful, and a single journal which appeared to be one of Barry’s old diaries that had somehow been mixed in with all of his nerd stuff. Taako set that one aside to enjoy later, as a treat. 

Taako poured over the books, taking notes and cross-referencing between the relevant work towards the back end of their journey (which was extremely advanced even for a kickass wizard like himself) and the earlier, less relevant work (which had the foundational principles for understanding more advanced topics). 

The work quickly overwhelmed his desk and within the hour he was sitting crossed-legged on the floor, surrounded by open books and scraps of paper with smudged notes scrawled across them. 

Hours later, he had finally gained enough of a basic understanding to start delving into one of the most interesting journals, which Barry had used when he and Lup were first toying with the idea of becoming liches. The standard process was, frankly, fucking gross. And so incredibly risky that Taako found himself getting anxious at the thought of Lup going through with it even though she’d already done it decades prior and was absolutely fine. 

Scribbled in the margins of these notes were cramped annotations in both Barry and Lup’s handwriting, suggesting modifications to spells or changes to components or adding in information they’d found to make it less dangerous for themselves and everyone else. 

And, shit, if it was complicated to _become_ a lich, it seemed damn near impossible to _maintain_ it without just straight up becoming a monster. Even if Kravitz and the Raven Queen suddenly became very cool about him committing high level death crimes and turning himself into a lich, there was no fucking way he wouldn’t devolve into some kind of twisted evil fuck.

And, like, yeah, Lup had managed it but she was actually a good person. Taako was… maybe not a bad person, per-se, but definitely not good. He had always been the one to do the selfish thing to keep them alive. Lup had always been the one who did the right thing to keep them human. Only one of those personality traits transitioned into successful lichdom.

He’d have to find some other method. 

He dug deeper into the journals, looking through Barry’s theories and writing until his hand was cramped, taking breaks and summoning mage hand to write for him when he couldn’t be bothered to look away from the book he was reading.

He was lying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, and scribbling notes down when he heard a light knock on his door.

“ ’S open,” he called, too focused on the runes he was copying to bother looking up.

“Hey, Taak—holy _shit_.” He glanced up at Ren, who stood in the doorway, eyes wide as she took in the scene. “What the hell happened in here?”

“Oh hey, you’re just the person I wanted to see!” 

“Am I?” She scrunched her nose up, eyes still moving around the room at the impressive mess he had created. 

“For sure.” Taako scrambled to his feet a bit clumsily and paused for a moment to allow his body adjust to being in an upright position. He made his way over to his desk, carefully stepping over the debris that littered the office in short hops that resembled a dance a little kid might perform for their stuffed animal collection. 

Choosing not to acknowledge the snickering coming from behind him, he picked up the stack of legal papers he’d set aside earlier that morning and started his dance back across the room to Ren. “I was wondering if you could look these over for me. Brain’s not letting me read stuff today for some reason.”

“Brain’s not…letting you read?” Ren gave a pointed stare at the books littering the floor before settling her gaze back on Taako with the unimpressed look in her eye that he’d become intimately familiar with since going into business with her. He was _very_ good at ignoring that look. 

“Exactly.” He held the stack out to her. “Just, like, whenever you get a chance today. And then you can let me know the important parts and tell me if I need to sign anything and then show me where to sign. That would be great.” She crossed her arms over her chest instead of using them to reach out and take the papers like she was supposed to. He prodded her crossed arms with the pile. 

“Taako, it’s already past seven; I’m going home.” She swatted the stack away with a hand. Taako pouted but stopped his prodding. “I just came by to see if you were leaving and wanted to grab something to eat.”

“Oh, shit, is it really that late? Must’ve lost, uh, lost track of time.” 

How the fuck did so much time pass without him realizing it? He suddenly became very aware of how stiff he felt from being on the floor for so many hours. He probably should go get something to eat because he _for sure_ hadn’t had anything since he’d left his apartment this morning, but he still had so much work to do here if he was going to figure out how to never die and it was like he could _feel_ himself aging with every second that passed. 

“I’ll take a rain check on dinner; I still have some things to finish up here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’ll…see you tomorrow, I guess.” She started to pull the door shut behind her but only made it about halfway before a hand reached out and stopped it. 

“Ren, wait!”

She spun back around to face him. “What?”

“I, uh, have a kinda personal question to ask, if that’s alright.”

“Of course.” Her face softened. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just… will you please for the love of god take these papers because I will one _hundred_ percent lose them if you leave them in here with me.”

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes but snatched the stack away from him. “I’ll look them over tomorrow morning—” He started to flash her his award-winning grin but she held up a hand—“ _But_! You owe me a new office chair. And I want the snickerdoodle recipe from the last office party.”

“Oof, you drive a hard bargain, m’dear.” He paused, tapping a finger along his bottom lip as though mulling it over before nodding. “Okay. I think I can swing that. I’ll bring you the recipe tomorrow and you’ll have a new chair before the week is out.”

“Alright, sounds like a deal. I’m gettin’ out of here. I’ll see you in the morning." She turned to leave, then looked back, her eyebrows pulling down and her mouth opening like she wanted to say something, but ultimately shook her head and walked out of the room. 

Taako squatted back down to the floor, gathering up his notes and trying to organize them in a way that made at least a little bit of sense. This felt impossible. 

Who was he kidding, anyway? He wasn’t smart enough to figure this shit out. Lup and Barry were the two smartest people he knew and even they hadn’t been able to find anything permanently sustainable without direct help from a literal goddess and— 

Wait.

Help from a—

Oh, godsdamn it. 

Taako sprinted out of the room, bursting through his office door and scaring the shit out of Ren, who had barely made it ten feet down the hallway.

“Holy _fuck_ , Taako! What do you want?”

“How would you feel about taking a trip to Refuge with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter of Taako sitting in his office and reading. Exciting stuff. 
> 
> I already have the next chapter roughly written out (I'm trying to get a bit of a backlog going) so expect that up in like 1-1.5 weeks once I have it all edited and junk. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and for leaving such kind comments. I'm having a lot of fun writing this and I'm excited for where it's going to go!


	4. Fate be a Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup worries about Taako. Taako visits his goddess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally supposed to cover a lot more stuff but then I accidentally wrote like 55 pages and ended up splitting it up into three. So the good news is that I have the next two chapters written already! Planning on posting them every other week so that I can get a nice and tasty backlog built up to pull from. Three cheers for consistency, amiright.
> 
> Anyway please enjoy :)

Lup sat on the couch, sipping coffee and reading over Barry’s shoulder. Quiet early mornings like this made her feel like she was back on the Starblaster during one of their rare peaceful cycles. She almost expected to see Magnus shuffling by, groggy with eyes still half-closed and asking whether there was anything good for breakfast. Or Merle arranging some plants by the window to catch some early rays of sun. Or Davenport waltzing through with bright eyes, already having been awake for hours and eager to get the team moving. Maybe Lucretia stopping in to sit quietly across from them, engrossed in a book of her own. 

At any rate, she wouldn’t typically expect to see Taako out of bed for hours yet, being much more of a night owl and having a deep and intense hatred for both early birds and the worms that they caught. 

So she was surprised to hear his footsteps padding quietly down the hallway.

“That you, Taako?” she called, not bothering to look behind her. Rhetorical question. Unless Kravitz had stopped by last night, there was no one else who it could be. The footsteps stopped. 

“You’re up early,” he remarked. 

“Yeah, don’t really need a ton of rest any more. Barry and I have been having trouble sleeping for more than an hour at a time.”

“Oh. Right.”

Something about his tone made her look up, throwing an arm over the back of the couch and craning her neck to eye her brother. He was dressed already, new umbrastaff hooked over his wrist and his pack slung lazily over a shoulder. 

“You going somewhere?” She shifted around to sit backwards on the couch, accidentally kicking Barry while trying to position her knees beneath her. 

“Yeah, I’m, uh. Meeting up with Ren.” He shifted uncomfortably, hands smoothing out wrinkles in his skirt.

“Oh! I didn’t know you were going somewhere today.”

“Didn’t know I needed your permission, Mom.” She rolled her eyes at him. 

“If you didn’t need my permission, then why are you trying to sneak out?”

“Wha—I—I am _not_.” A steady pink flooded his cheeks as his ears pulled back. Huh. She’d been mostly joking, but apparently that struck a nerve. 

“Tell that to your face, babe.” She smirked as he quickly yanked his hat down over his face. Predictable. 

“Fuck off, I don’t need to—fuckin’—report my movements to you, or whatever.”

“Woah, hey, there. Simmer down. I just thought we could spend the day doing something together. Barry and I don’t have any open bounties right now so we should have the day off unless we get called on for something specific. But if you already have plans, don’t worry about it. I’m sure Barry and I can find _plenty of other ways_ to keep busy.” 

It was Barry’s turn to blush. He buried his face deeper into his book, doing his best to look like he hadn’t heard but failing miserably. Taako’s shoulders relaxed as the heat shifted to Barry. For someone who loved to perform, he sure was picky about when he had the spotlight.

He laughed, the embarrassment fading from his skin as he regained his composure. He pushed his hat back to its original placement at the back of his head. 

“Gross.” He pulled a face, scrunching his nose up and twitching his upper lip in exaggerated disgust.

“Look, it’s not my fault you’re going to hang out with Ren on my first real day off in weeks.”

“Well it’s not _my_ fault you didn’t tell me you were getting a day off.”

“But I’m bored already.” She pushed her bottom lip out, pouting at her twin.

“Somehow you’ll have to soldier on without me around for a few hours.” He tossed his braid over his shoulder and put a hand to his chest. “I know it’ll be boring. Unbearable, really. But please. Try to make it through.” 

“Don’t know how we’re gonna manage.” She shifted herself around to face forward, snuggling her head back into the crook of Barry’s neck and ignoring how twitchy he got at her hair ticking his neck. “Tell Ren I said hey and that she’s not getting her Tupperware back, okay?”

“I’ll be sure to pass that on.” 

She listened as he walked out of the apartment, closing the door securely behind him. 

“Barry?”

Still staring down at his book, he made a noise in the back of his throat to indicate that he was listening. 

“He’s, like, acting weird lately, right?”

“He’s a weird dude, Lup.”

“Weirder than usual though, I mean. I feel like he’s up to something. Hiding shit from me.”

Barry closed his book and set it to the side without pausing to mark his page. A sure sign that the conversation had turned serious.

“Not that I’ve noticed personally, but…you understand Taako’s metric for weird about a thousand times better than I could ever begin to attempt. So if you think something is up, then I’ll take your word for it. It’s just…” Barry trailed off, sighing as he took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

“Don’t leave me in suspense, babe.”

“The last twelve years were really hard on him—and I know they weren’t exactly any easier on you, don’t get me wrong—but maybe that could have something to do with how he’s been acting. Being alone for the first time in his life, not having you or any of the rest of us around to lean on…I remember what he was like when we all started at the IPRE and how long it took for him to open up with everyone, and now he’s gotta learn how to do that again. Only this time, that includes you.”

“Oh.” Lup sat forward, resting her elbows on her knees. A hand slowly rubbed along her back.

Well, shit. That was a good point. Twelve years of not only being alone but also of thinking that you always _had_ been alone? Having to sort through which memories were real and which were fake? Probably not easy. 

When she’d been trapped in the umbrastaff, she had convinced herself that if everyone could just regain their memories, things would all go back to normal. She had to believe that or she wouldn’t have made it.

But things didn’t just go back to normal. Not for her.

She still couldn’t stand being alone for more than half an hour at a time. She was extremely claustrophobic now, panicking in tight, dark spaces. She had completely banned any curtains from not only their apartment, but from their friends’ places as well (she’d ‘accidentally’ lit Merle’s on fire just last month). Those twelve years had fucked her up good. And it made sense that she wouldn’t be the only one deeply affected by what had happened to them.

And, like, logically? She _knew_ that. She _knew_ it was hard for the entire crew. She wasn’t completely oblivious. But she’d been so busy between getting her body back, training for this new job, reuniting with her family, and working through her own trauma that she sort of forgot to check in on Taako. 

Not that Taako had exactly checked in with her, but…Be the change, right?

“Maybe I’ll need to have a talk with him soon.” 

* * *

Taako was late meeting up with Ren, but honestly? That was her fault for not lying to him about when they were going to leave in order to trick him into showing up on time. 

He wanted to get a move on so he kept his greeting short, passing Lup’s message on about the stolen Tupperware and throwing his bag in the back. He climbed into the front of the wagon and Ren pulled onto the road, glancing over to her travel companion and letting out a quiet snort. 

“What?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“Nothing, just…You’re wearing the same thing you wore when you saved the town way back.”

“Yeah, well, this skirt is the only thing I own that’s charmed against all of the godsdamn sand you people built your po-dunk town on top of.” He thought for a moment before cracking a grin. “Oh. Actually, there is a distinct difference in the outfit this time. Check it out.” He leaned over, inches away from her face and tilted his ear towards her.

“What are y—oh! You’re wearing the earrings I got you for your birthday.”

“Technically, I am wearing the earrings you got Lup for her birthday but yeah.”

Ren smiled, seeming pleased with herself for picking something out that he liked enough to wear. Taako couldn’t help but be a little proud of her, too. If he was being honest, Ren didn’t exactly dress like she would understand the ins and outs of fashion. 

They settled into a comfortable silence for a stretch, the sun beating down on them as Taako wished he’d picked out a hat with a wider brim. He was for _sure_ getting a sunburn today. He absentmindedly wondered if he had any healing potions back at the apartment that could soothe it and made a mental note to ask Merle for a few next time he came by. It never hurts to stock up on that shit. Ren spoke up, breaking him out of his sun safety thoughts.

“Hey, how long are we gonna spend in Refuge? I know you’re planning on talking to Istus, but I don’t actually know much about how communing with a goddess works.”

“Well, we should get there by, what, nine? Nine-thirty? I figured we’d be in and out in a few hours? Like maybe before, uh…”

“Before noon?” Taako stole a glance at Ren, who had her eyes fixed steadily on the road ahead, which was straight and flat and probably didn’t need the level of attention she was giving it.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. Okay, that’s—that’s good.” Ren sighed out of either anxiety or relief. Maybe a mix of both? Taako suspected they were moving towards feelings territory—not his favorite place to be. 

He resolved not to say anything that might prolong this conversation, but apparently his mouth and brain were not in communication with one another because he heard himself say, “Everything okay?” which was _not_ typical protocol to avoid discussing emotions.

“I’m fine. It’s just. It’s weird goin’ back, you know? I’m excited to see everyone and visit the Davy Lamp and everything but...I’m a little worried about how it’s gonna feel to actually spend time there? Does that make sense? I don’t know if that’s stupid or not.”

“Makes sense to me.” Taako shrugged. He kind of forgot that he wasn’t the only one with a slew of negative feelings associated with this town. But Ren had actually died in a bank fire once every hour for over seven years. Not an ideal situation. “Shit, you—you’ve actually died more times than even I have, huh? Not a lot of people have me beat.”

“Yeah, but I haven't died in nearly as many different ways, so you get points for style.”

“Well, that goes without saying.” She laughed. It sounded a little forced but he’d take it. Laughing was easier than talking. “And, hey. If I’m not back by eleven-thirty you have full permission to magic missile my ass onto the wagon so we can be long gone before that fucking bell has a chance to chime, okay?” 

“I like that plan. Might actually force you to be on time for once.”

The rest of the ride to Refuge was largely uneventful. The pair shed layers as they drove. Even in winter, the Woven Gulch was inexplicably hot, and the temperature started rapidly rising as they got closer. Ren took advantage of having Taako as a captive audience to make him talk about work, which he should have seen coming since he actively avoided going to staff meetings. It was a welcome distraction, though, because he found himself getting more anxious by the minute. 

He had no idea how this was going to go. He didn’t even know _how_ to contact Istus, really. He’d seen Merle commune with gods before and, like, if _Merle_ could do it then how hard could it really be? He figured he’d just show up to her temple and start talking and hope for the best.

When they arrived, Ren parked the wagon outside of the gate and they hopped out. Ren suggested they meet back at the wagon at eleven-thirty, but Taako insisted on eleven. He knew himself well enough to know that he needed a buffer. Ren agreed and they parted ways. She went straight to head directly down Main Street and Taako turned left so he could circle around to Istus’s Temple. 

Taako walked up to the altar and, shit, he probably should have thought to bring an offering with him. He dug through his bag and pulled out one of the numerous canteens he’d brought along for the ride through the desert. Transfiguring it into a bottle of incense—gods like incense, right?—he set it down on the altar. 

Nothing happened. 

Maybe he should try kneeling? He was pretty sure he’d seen Merle kneeling before. Gods, this was way more difficult than it needed to be. Krav and Lup could open a portal directly to their goddess whenever they wanted with their fucking scythes. Maybe Istus should have thought to give him, like, some godly knitting needles or something. 

He knelt on the ground which felt _weird_ but also like what he was probably supposed to do. He closed his eyes and tried to think of what to say, but the thinking got to be too much work so he figured he’d just wing it. 

“Uhh hey, Istus. It’s me, cha’boy. It’s, uh. It’s Taako. You know, from TV? Interplanar hero? Would _love_ to talk, if you’ve got a sec.”

Okay, so that was bad. He was bad at this. He could admit that. And his bare knees were already hurting from the ten seconds he’d been on the stone floor. He opened his eyes, figuring he should grab his stone of farspeech and call Merle for advice, and was surprised to find that the scenery had changed. 

He was in a small throne room, the walls all adorned with tapestry woven together in thousands of rich, shifting colors. Exposed beams in the high vaulted ceiling were draped with hundreds of long strips of woven fabric. The room was bright and shadowless, though Taako could not identify the source of the light. Before him sat Istus, giant and smiling as warmly as ever while she knitted an intricate pattern that was impossible for him to discern. 

Wow, first try. Maybe he _wasn’t_ so bad at this. 

“Didn’t think that would work,” he mused. “Sorry to drop in on you. Couldn’t exactly, uh, call ahead on the stone to let you know I was coming.”

“It’s okay, Taako. I was expecting you.”

“Yeah, that actually tracks.” He stood to his feet and she gestured for him to sit down on a plush loveseat. He flopped into it dramatically, grateful to be off of the cold floor. “Thanks. Love the place, by the way. Very committed to the aesthetic.” She let out a laugh. 

“Thank you, I’m glad you approve. Now—” She stopped knitting and set her needles to the side, attention completely focused on him. “—to what do I owe this visit?”

“You don’t know?” He cocked an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. “Isn’t this a part of your design?”

“I have a few guesses but I would like to hear it from you.”

“Right, okay. So remember a while back when there was the whole big _thing_ with the temporal chalice? And the whole town was stuck in an infinite death loop? You remember?”

“Yes, that does ring a bell.”

“And you made Merle, Magnus and I your emissaries—which, thanks for the bag of necessity, by the way. Really came in clutch.”

She smiled but didn’t answer, gesturing for him to go on. Taako figured he should stop beating around the bush. He shifted his gaze to the tapestry draped behind her throne, unwilling to look her in the eye while making his request.

“I was wondering if we could make that, like, a more permanent position. As in, forever. Like I could chill with you, do some work, gossip about the other gods, never die, go to company picnics…” He trailed off, chancing a glance at her face. She was smiling. Good sign. 

She sighed. Bad sign.

“Taako, I don’t grant immortality to my emissaries. Death and destiny go hand in hand and to deny that is to deny fate.”

“Okay, so I’m just gonna stop you right there for a sec because you _did_ have a _living skeleton_ walking around last time I was here, so. It does kinda seem like you maybe do have a little say in the matter.”

“Luca was a special case, Taako. A necessary exception to the rules.”

“What, like a bowl?”

“What?”

“Forget it, go on.” She gave him a strange look but continued.

“Luca’s life was extended for a period of time to help restore order to the laws of fate and destiny. It was an imperfect and _temporary_ measure. His soul now rests in the astral plane.”

“But you _can_ do it. Like, you have the ability to if it’s necessary for keeping order, or whatever. And you hired me on to keep order, so let’s do it. You can stay here and knit and I can do the dirty work on the ground.”

“Taako, my followers…they strive to resolve conflict peacefully. They heal those who need it and kill only as a last resort. They value honesty almost to a fault. They accept things as they are rather than trying to change things to suit their needs. You, Taako—you are wonderful as you are and I would never wish to change your essence... but look inward. Are these the traits that define you?”

Taako felt his smile falter at her words but caught himself and affixed it back on. He was pretty sure his goddess had just called him a dick. This was not going like he’d hoped. 

“Am I… being fired?” He was half joking when he said it, but the pitying look she gave him caused his stomach to sink. All attempts at maintaining a pleasant expression were abandoned. “Wait, seriously, am I being fired?”

“Your path is no longer with me, I’m afraid.”

Okay, what the fuck. 

Could she even do that? Just unappoint him as an emissary? After all of the shit he’d done? After dying as many godsdamn times as he had while trying to cure the sickness in this stupid fucking town? After robbing a bank just to get someone to raise this temple? After saving her ass and the asses of every single being in this stupid fucking planar system?

He stood from his seat, clenching his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. 

“So, what? I’m not worthy now that you don’t actively need me? Now that I’ve saved the laws of fate by killing people and wrecking shit—now—now that that’s all secure. _Now_ I’m not worthy because I kill people and wreck shit? You don’t need me anymore, so you’re firing me? Just like that?” She frowned, brow furrowing. He didn’t care. 

“Taako, no. You will always be worthy of my help, and I will always hold you in my heart and under my care. But your place is not with me. It is not part of my design.”

“Then _change your design_!” A small part of his brain that was still thinking rationally enough to recognize that it’s not usually a great idea to scream at a goddess set off a warning signal. He ignored it.

“I’m afraid that’s not how it works.” She sounded so calm it was infuriating. Of course she was calm. She wasn’t the one who was dying. 

“Aren’t _you_ the one who gets to decide how it works?”

“Please sit back down so we can discuss this.”

“I’m fine standing, actually.”

Istus sighed and raised a hand. Taako gripped his umbrastaff instinctively, the alarm in his head growing louder and telling him that he may have gone a bit too far this time. She snapped her fingers.

In an instant, there were thousands of threads pulling away from Taako, in thousands of shimmering colors and shooting off in thousands of directions. He couldn’t see where they ended, each one extending out beyond the walls and floors and ceiling of the space. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he looked himself over. Speechless for a rare moment as he took in the unique beauty of each thread. 

“I work in big pictures, Taako. The small details are up to the individual. Their choices guide my hand and over time can alter the design of my tapestry. The bigger the choice, the more it will be altered. The process is much more symbiotic than most people believe.

“These threads represent the choices you may make moving forward—the bonds you have created, the bonds you have yet to create, and the bonds that may never be forged at all. Most people have a few dozen at any given crossroad in their life. Maybe a few hundred, depending on the size of the decision to be made. But you. You have so many paths that you may choose to walk from this point. And as much as I care for you, Taako, none of those paths are with me.”

“How do I know which one to follow?”

“You don't, I’m afraid. You just need to have faith that it will all work out.”

Faith. Right. Not exactly his strong suit. She waved her hand and the strings dissipated all at once. Taako collapsed back down on the armchair. This was a lot to take in. 

“So it’s not impossible. For me to…” he trailed off because, fuck, it was a lot scarier to speak his intentions aloud than it was to keep them to himself. Istus seemed to understand.

“No. Not impossible.”

“Okay, then let me ask you some questions. Help narrow it down.”

“This is your choice to make; I cannot guide you.”

“Okay, then just _one_ question. Consider it severance pay, since you’re firing me on such short notice.”

“Fine.” She smiled and picked her work back up, resuming her knitting and filling the room with the gentle click of needles. “One question.”

“Okay, so, theoretically, do any of these threads lead to me just becoming a reaper? Because my next stop after this if you said no was gonna be to just go straight to the Raven Queen and I’d like to save myself a trip if that’s a nonstarter.”

Istus thought for a moment, her eyes tracing a path through the air that he couldn’t see. 

“No, I’m afraid not.”

 _Shit_.

“Why not?”

“That’s more than one question… but I’ll allow it.” She flashed a sly smile, as though the rule she was breaking wasn’t a completely arbitrary one that she had made up herself. “The Raven Queen does not accept undamaged souls as reapers. Typically, her emissaries are those who have been so traumatized—through no fault of their own—that they are unable to peacefully pass to the astral sea. Because your goal is immortality, there is currently no path for your soul to innocently undergo that damage. It would be tainted by your motivations.”

“Wait, I—traumatized?” Taako’s voice wavered. He absolutely did _not_ fuckin’ like the sound of that. Lup and Barry’s were obvious. Becoming liches altruistically to stop the Hunger. That made sense. But Kravitz…

He hadn’t ever asked Kravitz about his death—he felt like it would be a pretty big faux pas to just bring up. Like some deeply personal shit that he would share if he wanted to but that otherwise Taako had no business knowing. But this…this sounded like a conversation they should have, if only to let Kravitz know he was welcome to talk about it if he needed to. 

Taako shook his head in an attempt to clear it, filing that away under his List of Things to Worry About and Lose Sleep Over™ and tried to focus himself on the matter at hand.

“So what now?”

“Now you go forge a path for yourself. I will release you from your duties as an emissary, but I hope that you will still come to me, should you ever need my guidance.”

“Uh, sure. You too, I guess.”

“Goodbye, Taako.”

He blinked and was back on his knees in the temple, in the exact same position as before his conversation with one noticeable difference. 

He was holding a pink slip signed by Lady Fate.

Honestly, still not the weirdest way he’d been fired from a job. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taako used to work at Fantasy Blockbuster and got fired for stealing a copy of Fantasy Fight Club. Which seemed like a very Fantasy Tyler Durden thing to do, in his defense.
> 
> (Also Luca is the offscreen minor character death I mentioned in my tags so we got that out of the way! Sorry, Luca!)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! See y'all in two weeks <3


	5. Recipes and Prophecies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako wraps up his trip to Refuge with a visit to a familiar face.

Taako stepped out of Istus’s temple and into the hot sun, which sat in the same position in the sky as before his meeting started. Sweet. That meant he had some time to kill and there was one more stop he wanted to make before he left Refuge. 

He strode off towards the woods and by the time he reached the cool shade that the trees provided, he was already catching the sweet smell of fresh baked bread coming from Paloma’s hut. 

He gave a short knock on the door, more to be polite than anything. He was pretty sure she was expecting him because apparently there was not a single woman in this town—goddess or otherwise—who had the ability to be caught off guard by visitors. 

“Come in!”

He swung the creaky door open and strode into the little hut. 

“Paloma!”

“Taako!” The small woman grinned at him from across the room, waving for him to come further inside. “Have you eaten?”

“Paloma, you  _ know _ I wouldn’t come see you without an empty stomach. Show me what you got.” He sat himself down at the small wooden table and she waddled over to join him, holding a fresh tray of muffins between a pair of checkered oven mitts. 

They were godsdamn amazing, natch. He suspected she’d added…a little extra egg maybe? That made the most sense, given the sweetness and the spongy texture. 

“Fuck, these are good. You need to send me this recipe, like, yesterday.”

“I will send it to you only when I have received the brioche recipe you wrote me about.”

“Oh come on, Paloma, I literally  _ just _ sent you a cinnamon roll  _ and _ a cookie recipe in my last letter. It’s your turn to pay up.”

Paloma seemed to think it over for a moment, before sighing. 

“Very well.” She reached out for a box that was floating in lazy circles around the table. Leafing through the index cards for a moment, she pulled one out and slid it across the table. “I will expect the brioche recipe soon, yes?”

“Well here’s the thing, Paloma, darling. This here—” he gave the notecard a little wave for emphasis “—is  _ one _ recipe in exchange for the  _ two _ I just sent you. So now if I give you my precious, delicious, mouth-watering,  _ secret _ brioche recipe, we’ll still be uneven. That’s not fair.”

“I see…and what would you like to exchange?”

“How about…” He paused, stroking his chin and looking around the hut as though thinking it over. He let his gaze travel up to the crystals dripping from the ceiling and snapped his fingers. “Okay, I’ll tell ya what. I’m not gonna rob you of all of your recipes—not today, anyway. But I  _ could _ be persuaded to part with mine for, say, a prophecy.”

Paloma’s eyebrows shot up in shock for a moment, caught off guard by his offer. Then she started to laugh, a quiet little cackle that wracked her small frame. Taako laughed too, not because he knew what was funny but because he didn’t know what else to do. He figured that at least if he started laughing, too, it would be easier to play off his request as a joke if she turned him down. 

“Okay, I will accept this trade. One small prophecy for one brioche recipe.”

“Don’t suppose you’d upgrade that to a big prophecy for me?” She laughed again. This time he opted not to join in. 

“No, Taako,” she snorted out between snickers, “not for one recipe. For ten recipes, I will do this. But for one? No.”

“Alright, alright, I get it. Let’s get this show on the road. Tell me the future, or whatever.”

He hadn’t quite finished his sentence when darkness flooded the room, the soft light from the oven providing the only ambiance to the scene. A crystal fell from above, crashing onto the table and exploding into shards. 

A cloud of smoke expanded from the fragments—Taako expected this from his last visit. But instead of showing him a scene, the smoke stayed pitch black—no. Darker than pitch black, if that was possible. Not dark like the night. Dark like a void. Dark like nothing.

Paloma’s voice rang out. Well, not Paloma’s voice. A deeper, echoing voice that chilled Taako to his core and hadn’t gotten any less unnerving since his last visit.

_ The path you are currently on will lead to death.  _

_ Avoiding this fate will be too painful to bear.  _

With that, the smoke disappeared and the darkness faded away. Light once again filled the hut, and the room became cheerful and cozy in a way completely contradictory to how it had looked moments prior.

Taako hardly noticed. 

He sat in silence for a moment, hands folded uselessly on the table, staring at the bit of air where the black cloud had been. He tried willing it to come back and show a different image. Show a different path. Show what he was supposed to fucking  _ do. _

Nothing happened. 

He wasn’t sure exactly how long he sat there before Paloma placed another warm muffin between his hands. He finally shifted his gaze, blinking down at it. He shook his head to clear it of any thoughts and carefully affixed a smile to his face.

“Oof, sorry, Paloma. Zoned out there for a sec, I think.”

“It happens to a lot of people after a prophecy.” She shrugged, unphased. “It is normal to feel anxious about the future, Taako. Try not to dwell too much on it. These things, they can change. Always, they can change.”

“What? No, I’m great. Totally fine. All good here.” He stood from the chair, still gingerly holding the warm muffin in his hands. “Listen, I’ll send you that cinnamon roll recipe as soon as I get home, but right now I really need to head out, okay?”

“Brioche.”

“No, yeah, I’m good, thanks. I have a muffin, see?” He held it up, as though she might not believe him. The look on her face told him he had said something wrong, but he didn’t have the brain power to think about what it was. He flashed a crooked grin, hoping she would take whatever mistake he’d made as a joke. Classic maneuver. 92% success rate. 

She pursed her lips and blinked slowly, unconvinced. He made a quick mental note to reevaluate the stats on that move. 

“But seriously, though, I really gotta get going. Promised Ren we wouldn’t be too late.”

“It was good to see you, Taako. Try not to dwell too much on the prophecy, okay?”

“I already completely forgot it, Paloma. And thanks for the muffins—you really never disappoint.”

He stepped out of her hut and instinctively tried to take a deep breath of fresh air, but was unfortunately trapped in the hellscape of unrivaled heat that was the town of Refuge, so it did absolutely nothing to clear his head. The sooner he could get back to normal weather, the better.

Honestly, he liked the people here, but fuck this town. Too much sand. Too much heat. Too many people telling him he couldn’t have what he wanted despite the fact that he really,  _ really _ wanted it and that should just be enough for everyone.

Gods, this day literally could not get much wor— 

He stumbled over a root and dropped his muffin.

Of fuckin’ course he did. 

Standing up and dusting himself off, he did a quick time check. Just shy of ten-thirty. He’d originally planned on heading to town if he had time. Saying hi to everyone, maybe getting a drink from the Davy Lamp, and definitely checking to make sure his statue still had a bigger dick than Merle or Magnus’s statues. But he honestly just wasn’t feeling it. 

Instead, he trudged back to the wagon to wait for Ren. This whole thing was so fucking stupid. A whole day wasted, and for what? He’d gotten fired by the only being he knew who could help him. He’d dropped his  _ fucking _ muffin. And the closest thing to an answer he’d been given was “Oh, hey, if you continue on the path you’re on right now, you’ll  _ die _ .” Fuck, he didn’t know what path he was even on right now to begin with, so this whole thing was about as helpful as a godsdamn cooking lesson from Sazed.

Very cool situation he was in. Real fuckin’ great.

Back to the drawing board. 

At least he knew asking the Raven Queen was pointless, so he could cross that off of the list. He wondered if any other gods would be willing to help a guy out. Surely they all couldn’t be major prudes when it came to maintaining the delicate balance of life and death, right? 

Pan was probably out of the question. Merle definitely would have mentioned everlasting life at some point, right? Although, if anyone could completely forget about some kind of immortality deal, it was Merle, so maybe it wouldn’t be entirely useless to look into. 

One thing was for sure: he couldn’t just keep showing up to temples with no plan. Huge waste of time and energy, both of which he felt were in short supply lately. So some more research was definitely in order. 

He sat on the wagon, plotting in the hot sun and cursing himself for transfiguring his last water into incense for Istus. 

Ren came back to the wagon late and grinning ear to ear. 11:52. At least  _ someone _ had fun today. 

“Hey, sorry! I lost track of time—hope you haven’t been waiting super long!”

“Nah, I just got back a few minutes ago; you’re good.” He flashed her an easy smile and gave her a hand to climb up into the wagon. 

She wasted no time pulling it away from the town, kicking up a fair bit of dust in the process. Taako scrunch his nose up in irritation. Really, this place had so few redeeming qualities. Or maybe he was just being bitter. But even if he  _ was _ being bitter, didn’t he have good reason? Wasn’t that justified? Hadn’t he  _ earned _ a little bitterness? 

“ _ Taako _ .”

He looked up at his traveling companion and smiled apologetically, realizing that apparently she had been trying to talk to him. Whoops. 

“Sorry, what?”

“How was your visit? Did you get to talk to Lady Istus?”

“Oh. Yeah, totally. Very cool chat. Nice to catch up.”

“Can I ask what you guys talked about? I don’t mean to pry or anything; I’m just curious. I’ve never talked to a goddess before.” Ren’s voice was filled with wonder at the notion. Taako didn’t see what the big deal was, personally. Everyone always got so pumped up about talking to gods, but they were basically just giant overpowered wizards, as far as he was concerned. 

“Just basic shit. Pretty boring, actually. Fate and knitting and whatnot. The usual.” She opened her mouth, probably to ask another question, but Taako was thoroughly done with trying to deflect, so he cut her off. “How about you? What did you do? How is everyone? Give me the scoop.”

Her face lit up, a wide smile stretching across her face as any further questions she may have had about his visit with Istus were forgotten. She spent the rest of the ride talking about her friends, catching him up on all of the town gossip, and filling him in on news. He half listened and let out occasional murmurs of “huh” and “really?” and “oh, wow.” Fortunately, that seemed to be more than enough to let her take over the conversation for the rest of their long trip back to Goldcliff. 

By the time they made it back, they were both bundled up in blankets and coats, but Taako was just relieved to not have to deal with scorching heat any more. Ren dropped him off at his apartment, which was pretty out of her way, but he appreciated it immensely. The thought of doing any more walking than absolutely necessary for the rest of the day horrified him. 

He made his way up to his door and opened it, wasting no time in dropping his bag and flopping onto the couch. All he wanted was to have his boyfriend come over and hold him and not to have to speak to anyone about this shitty fucking day.

“Hey, Taako, how was your day with Ren?”

Fuck. 

“Hey, Barold. It was fine. Visited Refuge. Pretty uneventful, actually.” He sat up slowly, resting his feet on the coffee table and knocking an empty mug over the side. Barry sighed and stooped to pick it up, which was a good move because Taako sure as fuck wasn’t going to do it. 

“What did you guys do?”

“Uh…” Taako suddenly wished he’d paid more attention to what Ren had been telling him on the ride home. At least then he wouldn’t have to think of what to say. “I visited Paloma. She gave me a new recipe to try out.”

“Ooh! What’d ya get?” Lup called out, bursting into the room at the mention of a Paloma-certified dish. She took a good look at him and scrunched up her nose. “Ya know, red  _ really _ isn’t your color.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re burnt to a crisp, my dude.” She closed the distance between them and leaned down to poke his cheek. 

“Ow, fuck, Lup.” He swatted her hand away from him in irritation. She giggled, plopping down next to him on the couch. 

“Barry, grab a healing potion from the medicine cabinet, will you? He’s gonna be a big baby about it until we get this healed up.”

“Sure thing, babe.” He gave a little salute and walked out of the room. Taako pouted and crossed his arms which, okay, probably didn’t make him seem like any less of a baby, but whatever. 

As soon as Barry was out of the room, Lup turned towards her brother, reaching out to play with the end of his braid. She frowned and furrowed her brow. He braced himself for the serious kind of conversation that usually followed that look. Instead she sighed. 

“You have sand in your hair.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in a pregnant silence. Taako wondered what was taking Barry so long with that healing potion. Lup sighed again, this time quiet enough that he might not have noticed it if they hadn’t been sitting so close. 

He could have asked what was wrong but between his unwillingness to talk emotions and her impatience, he figured it would take longer for him to find the words than it would for her to break on her own. 

He was right, as usual. 

“Hey, is everything…okay with you?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a case of the Mondays, you know?”

“It’s Saturday.”

“Monday is a state of mind.”

“You don’t—” She dropped his braid and tilted her head, looking him directly in the eye. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Deflect. Lie about how you’re feeling. Not to me.”

“I’m not—” 

“Stop. Please?” She held up a hand. He let her cut him off, more because he didn’t really know what to say than for any other reason. “Look, Taako, I— I know I was gone for a long time. And, gods, I know that it was my fault that—that we got separated. I was being stupid and reckless and, yeah, that’s all pretty on-brand for me. But this time it hurt you. And that’s not damage that I can just take back, ya know? ” 

Lup gave a weak smile and grabbed hold of his braid again, hands searching for a way to occupy themselves because she’d always been a nervous fidgeter and apparently some things never change. She took a steadying breath and continued, her voice small and shaky.

“Like, I know that you hate being alone. But when I first left, I swear thought I’d come right back. And I thought that if something did go wrong, you’d at least have the rest of the crew to help fill that space. I didn’t—I  _ never _ —meant for you to end up alone. If I’d known what Lucretia was going to do, I wouldn’t have...I  _ never  _ would have—” Her voice broke, tears spilling over onto her freckled cheeks.

“Lup.” He reached out, wiping tears off of her face. Her mascara was pretty smudged beyond saving, but he did his best to salvage it. “Is that what this is about? You think I’m upset with you?”

“I’m just worried about you. You’ve been acting weird recently—especially in the last few weeks. And I know you have to relearn how to trust me again, so—”

“Hold on, that’s bullshit. Of course I trust you. I trust you more than I trust myself most days. Nothing could ever make me not trust you. What the fuck made you think something like that?”

“Barry said—”

“Barry’s a fucking idiot.” Making a mental note to have a literal scream at his brother-in-law later, Taako grabbed Lup’s hand in his, squeezing it until she looked up at him. Her eyes were still shining but no more tears fell.

“Then what’s been going on with you? And don’t say nothing’s wrong. You know you can’t lie to me.”

“Look, I’m just stressed out. Between work and adjusting to, like, life without having to travel and fight robots and monsters and shit. But I’m okay, I promise. Just figuring everything out. Learning math. Making and maintaining friendships with people that won’t dissolve within a year of meeting them. It’s just a lot.” He held his breath, hoping her insight wasn’t enough to pick up on his lie. 

“Okay, just. Know that I’m here to talk if you need it, okay? Like if it all starts to feel like it’s too much, or if there’s…anything else you need to talk about?”

Oof. That last part told Taako that she could see he was bullshitting her. Apparently not well enough to call him out on any of it, though, so that was good. He felt guilty for lying to her, but telling her would only make her sad and stressed out and then he’d have to feel guilty about a whole new set of shit. Force him to share a  _ lot _ of feelings he wasn’t quite ready to say out loud yet. 

And if he was being honest with himself, maybe he did still feel a little weird opening up to people, even if one of those people was his sister. Not because he didn’t trust her, of course. But because he didn’t trust himself not to fuck it all up and drive a wedge between them. Because he didn’t want to be left alone again. 

Fortunately, he did not make a habit of being honest with himself.

He pulled her in for a hug—a light squeeze—and her cold skin soothed some of the heat of his burn.

She used to be so warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Taako :(
> 
> Fun fact: with all of my backlog, the fic is now officially 69 pages long haha nice .
> 
> Thank you all for all of the kind comments. They are 90% of my life force and I really do appreciate them so much.
> 
> Next update should go up on 8/24 :)


	6. Birth of a Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako and Kravitz have a night time conversation about souls and death

Taako stalked off to his bedroom early that night after an uncomfortable dinner. Lup was acting weird, probably because he was acting weird. Worse, Barry was trying to act like nothing was weird and doing a piss-poor job of it because the dude was absolutely awful at faking emotions. 

So it was a lot of forced conversations and long pauses and it felt so  _ wrong _ to feel so awkward with his family. Things were supposed to be easy now that the Hunger was gone. Happily ever after and shit. 

The final straw had been when Taako carried plates into the kitchen (which was, admittedly, not a very in-character thing for him to do, but he didn’t want to let Barry do it and leave himself open to interrogation from his sister) and Lup’s voice had carried into the kitchen. Neither of the twins had ever been good at whispering.

“Hey, there’s something different about him today, right? Kinda off? Not just how he’s acting but, like, his energy or something? I can’t place it.”

Barry gave a reply that Taako couldn’t make out because he was actually capable of keeping his voice down.

“Of  _ course _ it’s our business. We’re family. That’s—”

Barry cut her off in another series of hushed tones that Taako didn’t even bother trying to decipher. He was done here. He abandoned a stack of unwashed dishes in the sink and stalked out of the kitchen, where Barry had the decency to look embarrassed, stopping mid-sentence and looking up at him, guiltily. Lup just stared, shameless. 

“I’m going to bed.” He muttered, not meeting her gaze. 

“See you in the morning.”

“Yeah.”

Letting his door swing shut behind him, he sat on the edge of his bed. His shoulders slumped, his body’s posture finally able to reflect how he was feeling without fear of anyone commenting on it. 

It had been an exhausting day, but he still wanted to avoid falling asleep tonight. Hadn’t been able to get a full night in lately without some kind of horrific nightmare waking him up. Maybe he’d just take a quick meditation and then he could spend the rest of the night staring at a wall and trying not to spiral. That could work.

He pulled his legs onto the bed, crossing them, and slowed his breathing, ready to surrender himself to a meditation for a blissful three or four hours.

Then his stone of farspeech crackled on.

His eyes shot open as Kravitz’s voice came through the other side. 

“Hey, Taako. You there?” 

“Sure am, handsome, what’s up?” 

“I was hoping to come by tonight, if that’s okay with you.”

“Why? Did Lup call you?”

“What? No, I just want to see you. Why? Is something wrong?”

“No.” Taako sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Gods, he needed to stop being so paranoid. “No, everything is fine. Please come over; I really wanna see you too.”

Kravitz didn’t respond over the stone, instead slicing a rift directly into the room. He stepped through, giving Taako a goofy smile as it closed behind him. 

“Hello, love.” His smile faded, a flash of confusion, then concern crossed his face. “Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah, dude. Why wouldn't I be?”

“Sorry, it’s just… Did something happen? You feel... different, somehow.”

Taako felt his upper lip curl in irritation. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Like, sure, he was feeling anxious as fuck but it wasn’t like he’d undergone any actual physical changes lately. He crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling very defensive and a little self conscious.

“Jeez, are you sure you haven’t been talking to Lup? Because you sound exactly like her right now.”

“Let me just…”

Kravitz trailed off, closing the distance between them in a few long strides and stooping down in front of him. Taako shifted, self-consciousness spiking with the sudden intensity at which he was being observed. He looked down at his hands, the floor, anywhere but at Kravitz. Cool fingers reached down and tilted Taako’s chin back up until he was looking him in the eye. 

He sat motionless, his eyes flicking between Kravitz’s, which seemed to be looking not  _ into _ Taako’s eyes but  _ through  _ them. Searching for something. Gods, this was uncomfortable. (But also, like, kinda hot? Like, if he was being honest with himself. Just saying.)

“Your soul,” Kravitz said, finally breaking the silence.

“My… soul?”

“It isn’t tied to Istus’s any more.” Kravitz dropped his hand, releasing Taako’s chin and allowing him to finally look away. 

“Oh, right. That.”

“What happened?”

“I guess you could say we, uh,  _ cut ties _ , you feel?”

“Hilarious,” Kravitz deadpanned, sitting down next to him. “Can I ask why?”

“You can ask.”

They sat in silence for a moment while he waited for Taako to elaborate. After about a minute of this, he seemed to realize that he wasn’t going to.

“Look, I don’t want to pry if it’s personal, it’s just that... this seems pretty sudden, Taako. Gods don’t often dismiss their emissaries unless something serious happens. Breaking one of their laws or defying them in some way...”

“She didn’t dismiss me; I quit.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean. I’m building a brand, Krav. I can’t be beneath someone else if I’m trying to do that. I think that would technically make her a partial owner and like  _ fuck _ am I letting that happen. And, like, the whole concept of fate is bullshit, anyway. I wanna, I dunno, forge my own path, or whatever. So I visited her today and called it quits.”

“And she was… okay with that?”

“Yeah, for sure.” He paused, knitting his eyebrows in concern and looking at his boyfriend. “Are—are  _ you _ okay with it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. You said I felt different. Is it, like, _ bad _ different? Like, does my soul being tied to a god or a goddess or whatever change how you feel? Because it wasn’t when we first met, but we also didn’t start dating until after I became an emissary, so if that’s a dealbreaker...”

“What? No, of course not.” He brushed a strand of Taako’s hair out of the way and leaned in to kiss his jaw. “Your soul is beautiful, Taako. And as long as you’re happy with it, I’m happy with it. I don’t really care whether it’s tied to a goddess or not.”

Taako released a long sigh, letting himself flop backwards. He grabbed Kravitz’s arm on the way down, pulling him along for the ride so they were both horizontal with their legs hanging over the edge of the bed. 

He didn’t let go of his arm once they got there, braving the cold to snuggle up against his boyfriend. (Most of his burn was gone after a swig of healing potion earlier that night but it still felt good against the residual redness that would fade to an awkward tan by morning.) 

Kravitz loved him. And he said that he always would, no matter what happened to his soul. He hadn’t even realized that it was something to worry about before this conversation, but it was good to know now. Made him feel more secure about what he was planning to do. 

In the back of his mind, he remembered when Lucretia used to make long to-do lists on the Starblaster. Whenever she did something that hadn’t been on the list, she would write it down just so she could immediately cross it off. She’d always insisted that it felt good to do, despite how much Taako teased her for it. But now he found himself adding “ _ Kravitz might hate my soul once it’s bound to immortality _ ” to his mental List of Things to Worry About and Lose Sleep Over™ and immediately striking an imaginary line through it. And if he had been currently speaking to Lucretia, he would have made her an apology cake because, yeah, she was right. That felt good.

Speaking of his List of Things to Worry About and Lose Sleep Over™…

“Hey, Krav?”

“Yes, love?”

Taako nestled his face deeper into the crook of Kravitz’s neck. 

“How did you die?”

Taako couldn’t see his facial expression but he could feel the arm he was holding tense up at the question. Fuck.

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I get if it’s personal or not my business, or whatever. I just, like—I just know the Raven Queen only takes souls that got kinda fucked up—or—not fucked up, that’s not the right word, sorry. But, uh, hurt souls, I guess? And obviously I know the deal with Barry and Lup because they were liches for a really long time so they got kinda… fucked up from that. But I don’t know what your deal is and I just…I never asked, but I don’t want you to think that’s because I don’t  _ care _ …” Taako stopped for a breath and realized he was rambling. Get to the  _ fucking _ point. “I guess I just wanted you to be able to share if you wanted to? Like, I’m here if you ever wanna talk about it.”

Kravitz didn’t move or speak for several agonizing moments while Taako absolutely  _ panicked _ . He definitely shouldn’t have said anything. He was trying to be supportive but maybe suddenly bringing up his boyfriend’s apparently traumatic death out of the blue was actually not the best move? Fuck, he was so bad at emotions. 

He ignored the voice in his head, which was fucking  _ screaming _ at him to tell Kravitz to forget it and change the subject. He tried to calm himself down. Kravitz just liked to take more time to process and think before speaking. Taako knew this. He could be patient. He could give him time.

“Okay.” Kravitz spoke slowly when he finally did speak. “I actually think I would like that. But we need to get some blankets first because I don’t want you to die of hypothermia, okay? It would really distract from my story.”

Taako laughed and obliged without complaint, glad that Kravitz was feeling good enough to goof with him.

Kravitz stacked a few blankets on top of himself so Taako could lay on his chest without too much chill seeping through. Taako protested that he didn’t mind but Kravitz didn’t budge, which was probably good because the dude really was pretty godsdamn cold. Another set of blankets went on top of him until he was thoroughly wrapped up and felt a bit like a food taco (a Taako Tacco taco? That was a pretty good bit; he stored it away to use at a more appropriate time.)

Once they were properly situated and Kravitz was satisfied with the set up, he wrapped his arms around Taako and took a deep but ultimately unnecessary breath. 

“Okay, so you know that the Raven Queen only takes people on as reapers if their soul is…fucked up, I think you said?”

“Yeah, I think that’s the technical term.”

“I’m assuming Lup filled you in on that bit, yeah?”

_ Sure, why not. _

“Yup, she told me all about it. Fucked up but not, like, guilty of death crimes.”

“Right, so the reason I was able to make a successful argument for Lup and Barry to become reapers was because their souls were irreparably damaged by lichdom and the extended amount of time they spent as liches but, ultimately, they didn't become liches to gain power—they did it to protect others. Theirs was a bit of an edge case, though, so it took a decent amount of persuading, but most reaper cases are much more cut and dry than that.”

Taako nodded. This made sense so far; he knew Barry and Lup weren’t like the other reapers. 

“In most cases, like mine, the soul is so—I’m gonna switch to saying damaged instead of fucked up, okay?”

“I’ll allow it.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it. So, in most cases, the soul is so  _ damaged _ that it’s not possible for it to rest peacefully in the sea of souls. The person in these cases is an innocent, usually someone who didn’t commit any death crimes themselves but who was a victim of a death crime.”

“Like you?”

“Yeah. Like me.”

“Krav…” He lifted his head off of Kravitz’s chest so he could look up at him. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want. You know that, right? I’m not expecting you to tell me right now or ever if it’s a memory you’d rather we just leave alone.”

“I know, love.” He craned his neck down to kiss Taako’s head. “I’ll stop if it gets to be too much.”

“Okay, good.” Taako put his head back down. “You may continue.”

“Thank you.” He ran hands through Taako’s hair absentmindedly as he went on. “It’s not a particularly interesting or unique case, to be honest. There was a necromantic cult—there's  _ always _ a necromantic cult—and they were attempting to bring someone back to life. Not like raise dead—like full and permanent resurrection. They wanted to preserve a dead body with magic so that it couldn't take damage, then rip the soul from the astral plane and return it to a body that now couldn’t be killed. In theory, that body and the soul it contained would be immortal.

“The soul they were trying to resurrect—they didn’t even know her, actually. Just some random half-elf woman they killed so they could see if the spell would work, you know? Very experimental. Wanted to try it out on a stranger before they used it on members of their cult and she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was too.

“They needed me as a living soul to drain energy off of in order to bring the passed soul back to this plane. It wasn’t a terribly elegant ritual but it was… lengthy. About a day or so of them carving runes into me and chanting spells. Had to drink some absolutely foul fucking liquid…”

His voice sounded detached, as though he were describing an event that he’d read about in a particularly gruesome book and not recounting his last moments alive. Taako wrapped his arms tighter around him.

“In the end, I actually had to carve my own soul out of my body. They had this knife— I still have no idea where they got it— and it needed to be done willingly for the ritual to work. They said if I did it, they would put my soul back when they were done and I could leave. I didn’t really believe it but… I figured that if I didn’t carve my soul out, they’d definitely kill me anyway. But if I  _ did _ do it, I had, I don’t know, maybe a one percent chance of walking out of there? So I did it. I don’t—I didn’t know how bad things were going to get or I probably would have just told them to fuck off and kill me right there. I guess they were banking on that.

“It was…astronomical pain after that. I don’t personally remember what happened next; only what I read on my file. The ritual wasn’t successful, obviously. It was a stupid idea from the start. Wouldn’t have worked even if they’d done everything right. Some reapers interrupted it halfway through, thank the Queen, but the damage was irreparable from the moment that knife touched my soul.”

He detangled his hands from Taako’s hair and wrapped them around him, holding tight. 

“Do you remember our first date?”

“Bit of a weird transition, but yeah. ‘Course I do.”

“You asked why I went into this line of work and I told you I was given a difficult choice.”

“I remember.”

“When souls are as damaged as mine was, they can’t be at peace. So it’s impossible for them to rest in the sea of souls. There is no place for them. So the Raven Queen offers a few choices. 

“The first is to simply destroy the soul. Most take this choice because of how terrified and in pain they are. It’s easier to end your own existence. And I won’t lie, it was… tempting. Just to make it stop.”

Taako held him closer, trying not to let himself think of a world where Kravitz had stopped existing before he’d had a chance to find him. 

“Another option is to go back. To have her bind your soul back to your body. Finish living out your life. The issue here being that there is no reprieve from the suffering and no way to cleanse the soul of the corruption. And there are a lot of necromancers and demons and liches who seek out that kind of corruption and will kill anyone to find and exploit it. I think only a handful of people have ever taken this offer—it’s only a viable choice for a very small percentage of souls.

“The last option is to become a reaper. The Raven Queen is able to mend the souls over time by binding them to herself. But the process is long and painful, especially at first. There are years—decades—consisting of nothing but extreme pain before the soul stabilizes enough to maintain a corporeal form. Then hundreds of years of intermittent pain that slowly begins to fade over time. 

“But at the end of everything, she is able to clear the corruption away from the soul. I’m still not entirely done, actually. It doesn’t hurt anymore, but I still have several centuries to go before my soul is completely clean.

“And that’s really all there is, I think.” He finished, as though that had been a casual story about a trip he had been on or a short anecdote told over dinner. He resumed playing with Taako’s hair, though this time his hand moved with more intention. He planted a kiss on top of his head. “Do you have any questions for me?”

That was a lot. He was glad he knew now, but holy fuck did he hate thinking about Kravitz having to go through that. (A very selfish part of him took comfort in knowing that Kravitz was as broken as he was. Maybe that meant they could heal together. Taako pushed that train of thought away.)

He had about a million questions racing through his mind, but they all moved too fast for him to catch any. Eventually, he settled on an easy one. “What happened to the half-elf woman?”

Kravitz laughed and Taako let himself smile, as he felt some tension leave his boyfriend’s body.

“Interestingly enough, she decided to become a reaper too. We get together every once in a while. You know Anya? I’ve definitely mentioned her to you before.”

“Oh, shit, yeah, that rings a bell. Small world.”

“Small afterlife.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Miss what? Being alive?”

“Yeah.”

“There are definitely aspects I miss. Small things like… getting hungry? I don’t need to eat so I usually just forget to do it unless you remind me. Recently, I’ve found that I don’t like how cold I am now that I have a living boyfriend. And I’m extremely grateful to the Raven Queen for what she’s given me, but I do miss my old life occasionally.”

“Like what?”

“I miss conducting. And sometimes I catch myself missing my family, but they were all long gone by the time I was…stable enough to think of them. But it’s been so long that at this point, I don’t really remember any of them very well.”

“You don’t?”

“Not really? Gods, that feels bad to say, but…it’s been centuries since they’ve been alive. I remember a few things but only small details.”

“Huh.”

Was that what was going to happen to Taako? Was he destined to be forgotten by his family too? Just another pit stop on the trip into eternity? This was absolutely fucking unacceptable. They weren’t allowed to forget about him like he didn’t matter. This was bullshit. Total fucking bullshit.

“Hey,” Kravitz’s voice broke through his thoughts, “Thank you for listening. I haven’t talked about this to anyone before and it felt…weird to talk about. But good. Really, really good. And I appreciate you being willing to listen and being so supportive. I love you so much.”

And just like that, his anger dissipated. Because despite how terrifying it all was, he loved this undead motherfucker. He just had to figure out a way to stay with him. 

“I love you, too.”

And he let Kravitz hold him through the rest of the night. 

And if Kravitz noticed that Taako’s heartbeat never slowed and his breathing never deepened? If he noticed that Taako spent the entire night with his eyes closed but his mind racing?

Well, he at least had the decency not to call him out on it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these boys so much and I just want them to be happy.
> 
> I've been hitting a bit of a writer's block recently but I have the next two chapters written out already because ya girl plans ahead. Next one goes up on 9/7!
> 
> Also I'm about to start my own Monster of the Week game with some friends! I'm GMing and I've never done this before so if anyone has any advice please let me know :)
> 
> Love y'all! Have a good one!


	7. Study Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako visits the library and runs into a familiar face.

Taako was pretty well accustomed to stress. Between growing up on the streets, spending a century running from a world-eating monster, and putting his life at risk six separate times to hunt down and gather powerful relics…well, extreme stress had sort of become his baseline. 

But this.

_This._

This was a totally different animal.

It had been a few weeks since his visit to Refuge and his conversation with Kravitz. In that time, he’d read just about every book in his office that even remotely related to necromancy, gods, or souls. And after all of that hard work, all of those sleepless nights, all of the hours of research, he had found…

Nothing. Abso-fuckin-lutely nothing. 

Well, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. He had pretty much ruled out joining a cult at this point, although that was more a result of Kravitz’s story than any other reason. He had also come to the brilliant conclusion that he probably needed to expand his reading outside of the four walls of his office.

His school did have a library, obviously, but he couldn’t set foot in it without being swarmed by students trying to schmooze him. And normally, he wouldn’t mind all of the brown-nosing and adoration from his student body, but he was an elf on a _mission_ _._ He didn’t have time for that shit right now. 

The next library that had come to mind was the one at the B.O.B., but fuck that, honestly. He had long since made a decision not to go back there, like, ever again, if he could help it. The last thing he needed while he was trying to focus on research was the constant reminder of the absolute loneliest period of his life. Of all the time he had lost with his family and all of the time he was _still_ losing with his family with every second he spent as a stupidly killable mortal being.

Which was why he found himself standing in front of the doors to Lucas Miller’s stupid fucking library at seven thirty-two in the godsdamn morning.

He sighed in resignation and walked through the doors, wrinkling his nose at the aesthetic that the dweeb had picked out for the building. Standing in the doorway and looking up, Taako could see all eight floors stretching upward, each one with a clear glass facade overlooking the lobby. Everything had an air of modernity. Sleek and polished and not a hint of flair or lavishness to be found. Ugh. No accounting for taste. 

The only interesting feature in the place was the domed glass ceiling, which let in ample natural lighting on a sunny day like today. It vaguely reminded Taako of the glass domes on the moonbase, which made sense, since Lucas had designed that godsforsaken place too. 

His eyes wandered over to an information desk. This place was too big to figure out on his own, but...he didn’t particularly want to interact with any library staff. Didn’t want anyone to call him out for not belonging there or some bullshit like that. He wasn’t sure if this place was technically open for non-students. Continuing his gaze around the lobby, his eyes fell on a map. Score. 

Unfortunately, the map was entirely labeled using whatever kind of fantasy Dewey Decimal System this plane used to categorize books. Taako didn’t even have that shit memorized on his home planet. Seriously, of all the stupid and inaccessible ways to label a map. And _so_ like Lucas to make everything as complicated and scientific as possible. As if academia wasn’t already inaccessible enough. Just label it like a normal fucking— 

“Hello, sir!”

“ _Fuck!_ ” Taako whirled around, hand clutching his heart. A halfling woman behind the information desk glared at him, aggressively pushing a finger up to her lips. But honestly? Not his fault that this little gremlin had snuck up on him. Catching his breath, he let his hand fall from his chest. “What are you doing here, pumpkin?”

“I…go to school here?”

“Hm, right. Gross. Anyway, see ya.” He spun on his heel and strode away, waving a goodbye over his shoulder. Hopefully the kid would leave it at that.

“Hey, wait!” Angus trotted along beside him. Taako wasn’t surprised that his plan had failed, but he _was_ disappointed. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“Scoping out the competition, kiddo.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Your school has a totally different focus; I doubt there’s a lot of overlap in applicants.”

“Cool observation! Shut up!” 

“You’re being _very_ defensive. Is this a secret? Are you here to do secret research, sir?”

Taako stopped walking and tilted his head to the ceiling, letting out the longest sigh of his life. When he finished, he let out a second one for good measure. Then he looked down at Angus. This little shit was really too smart for his own good. He figured he had about fifteen minutes before Angus had deduced everything on his own. Might as well use that big beautiful brain to his advantage.

“Okay, fine. _Fine_. I’ll tell you what’s going on—” A grin grew across Angus’s face and Taako held a hand up to stop him from getting too excited. “—but! You cannot. Fucking. Tell. Anyone. Okay? I brought you into this world and I will take you out.” Angus rolled his eyes, unphased by the threat.

“You didn’t bring me into the world.”

“You don’t know that; I came to your planet before you were born. Being here _totally_ could have set off some kind of chain reaction leading up to your birth. Just promise, okay?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, first things first. Where does Lucas keep the books about gods?”

* * *

It was a lot easier explaining the story to Angus than Taako would have thought. He was a smart kid, so he didn’t need a lot of dots connected for him. He understood that when Taako said, “I don’t want those chucklefucks to have all the immortality fun without me,” he _meant,_ “I don’t want to die alone” and “I’m afraid of being forgotten” and “I can’t make Lup go through losing me when I’ve been on the other side of it and I know how bad that hurts.” 

Taako was confident that Angus wouldn’t go blabbing to everyone, even without the half-assed threats he shot across the table whenever the conversation started to feel too serious.

“Sir, have you…talked to Lup about all of this? Or Barry? Or… Mr. Kravitz?” 

(Taako noted that Angus added a title to Kravitz’s name. Must still be a little uneasy around the guy. Which was fair, since he _had_ tried to kill a bunch of Angus’s friends. But still. Taako made a mental note to get the two of them together for some bonding at some point. He pushed the thought aside to focus on the matter at hand.)

“Yeah, Angus, let me get right on that. How exactly would that conversation go, do you think? ‘Uh, hey guys, I’m going to die alone some day and you’re going to live forever, how do we feel about that?’” He snorted. “I’m sure that’d go over real well. Great idea. You’re really smart, you know that?”

“I mean, that wouldn’t be bad? They might be able to help.”

“It would absolutely be bad. Like, incredibly bad.”

“I don’t mean to overstep, but—”

“Then don’t.”

“... _But_ ,” Angus continued, ignoring the interruption, “I get the feeling that—and please don’t—don’t get mad at me for saying this—that you’re worried that if you ask them for help, they’ll maybe…”

“ _Maybe what?_ ” Taako spat the words out, glaring across the table as though daring Angus to finish his thought. He was not above bullying a child if it meant avoiding this conversation. To Angus’s credit (and likely as a result of how desensitized the boy was to threats at this point,) he pressed on.

“I think you’re scared that they won’t want to help you.”

Ah, fuck. Taako crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair, resisting the urge to turn himself into a bird and fly straight through a window. Because, yeah. Maybe he was a little insecure that this was a bigger deal to him than it was to his family. But only because it so clearly _was_. They sure as fuck didn’t seem to be worried about their immortality. He didn’t see _them_ running around and stressing out over his impending doom. 

So _maybe_ it would be easier not to ask permission and to just kinda show up immortal one day. Maybe never even mention it and just… not die. See if they notice. That way they can’t say no. That way they can’t tell him that they don’t need him around or that they’ll be fine without him. 

He couldn’t tell any of this to Angus, obviously. Wouldn’t be on brand. He rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you should go back to detective school.”

“I didn’t go to detective school.”

“Well maybe you should find one, then.”

Angus frowned but dropped the subject, pushing a heavy book across the table to Taako and cracking open one of his own. 

“Let’s start with the elvish gods and go from there.”

* * *

At the end of the day, Angus (a little too enthusiastically) agreed (insisted, really) with helping Taako delve into some godly research. And it felt _right_ having his assistance. After all, even at the end of the world, he had trusted Angus implicitly. He doubted anything could change that.

So the two threw themselves into research, searching for gods who might be willing to grant Taako immortality. Taako stopped going to work, instead coming to the library every day to pour over books and fill notepads with information. Angus joined him when he wasn’t in class or at soccer practice or busy with his own work, always with a stack of new books and a theory or lead to follow.

Taako almost felt bad about taking up so much of his time, but the kid’s face always lit up when he made his way to their usual spot and found him already hunched over a stack of papers. At any rate, he tried to make up for using his time by sneaking in baked goods for them to snack on while they worked. He’d always found that cookies made research so much more bearable. 

Several weeks after their first meeting, the two sat across from one another, flipping through pages. Angus was reading through a book detailing some lesser known deities. Taako was trying his best to focus on a dusty tome filled with dark gods and corruption magic that looked ready to fall to pieces at the earliest fucking opportunity. 

Angus, being a goody-two-shoes, kept looking up from his research to shoot Taako disapproving looks. He only researched gods that fell into the good to neutral territory but Taako didn’t give a shit if he ended up working for an evil god as long as it meant he could stay with his family. This didn’t seem to be something Angus was capable of wrapping his head around.

Not that it mattered today, anyway. Taako was focusing about as well as a broken pair of binoculars and was determined to get Angus side-tracked so he could have an excuse to take a break. Which, in hindsight, may have been another reason for the looks he was getting. 

“How’s soccer going?”

“It’s good. We have a game soon. You should come.” Angus flipped a page and started scribbling something down in his notebook. 

“How’s school going?”

“Fine.”

“How’s—”

“Sir, I don’t mean to be rude, because I—my grandpa always says to be polite—but are you actually going to do any research today?”

“I’m absolutely doing research!” Taako brought a hand to his chest in mock offense. “Look, see, this god right here looks promising. It’s…” He jabbed a finger down to a random spot on the page, squinting to see where it had landed. “...Talona. Goddess of… disease and, uh… poison.”

He winced, snatching his hand off of the page as though it had burnt him. 

“Maybe not that one, actually,” he muttered. He snapped the book closed with a bit too much force, earning him a few glares from other students. He ignored them, as usual. 

“Does that mean you’re done for the day?"

“I don’t know.” He let his head fall to the table with a dull thud.

“Are you okay?” 

“Peachy.”

“I—okay, ‘cause you don’t—uh—do you want to talk about it?” His voice radiated worry. Taako groaned. Of course _now_ the kid wanted to talk. 

Taako lifted his head off of the table and leveled his gaze at Angus. 

“I’ve just been thinking. Obviously we’re not, like, even remotely close to being done researching. But we also have an okay-sized list of possible options compiled. It feels kinda silly to spend every day researching when I could chase some leads. Worst case scenario, they don’t pan out and we can at least cross them off of the list. Best case scenario…well, best case scenario, we don’t need to do any more research about this ever again.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing,” Angus said, nodding. “It would make sense to check out a few of the gods on our list. We might be able to get a better read on the situation from doing some in-person visits, too.”

“Sorry, _we_?” Taako’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s a hard no, bubula; this isn’t a fucking class field trip. I’ll go check some shit out and you can stay here and do your homework or what the fuck ever. I don’t know if these little recon missions are going to be dangerous or not, but given—oh, I don’t know— _every single moment of my life up to this point_ , I’m going to assume this shit isn’t going to be a walk in the park.”

“I’m a pretty good wizard now, sir. I think it would be helpful to have someone go with you as back up.”

“Yeah, you’re great at magic or whatever. But you’re also _ten_ , my dude.”

“I’m eleven!”

“That’s not better!” Taako rubbed an eye with his hand, taking a calming breath. He was too tired to be arguing with a child right now. He took a glance around the library and a few people were staring. Maybe their conversation had gotten a bit above appropriate library volume (not that he gave a shit about interrupting study time for these dorks, but he also didn’t really want to get kicked out of a library for verbally slam-dunking an eleven year old.)

“Okay, look. I don’t want you to come with me—” Angus opened his mouth to protest but Taako stopped him, holding a finger out in front of his face. “—I’m doing this so I can get immortal. The last thing I need is to worry about you getting your ass killed over it. So I’ll go, scope things out, and report back to you on how it went. And while I’m out doing _my_ thing, you can…do whatever it is you normally do.”

“Okay.” Angus nodded thoughtfully while Taako let out a sigh of relief. “I can look into some alternate options for achieving immortality. I’m not totally sure if becoming an emissary is the only option.”

“Okay, cool. Let’s pick our first target.”

Angus rifled through some papers, procuring a neat, color-coded list of gods and goddesses. Little nerd. 

“How about…” His eyes scanned down the list, brow furrowed in concentration. “Saint Cuthbert? God of common sense, honesty, and truth?”

“Angus, have you _met_ me? Get real, that’s not gonna fuckin’ happen.” He procured his own list, which was very much not color-coded, and started looking through for a good name. “Okay, what if we tried Bhaal?”

“Isn’t he a god of _murder_?”

“Yeah, but I’m _good_ at murder. So I think I’d be, like, a really strong applicant.” Angus’ eyes widened and Taako sighed, crossing the name out with a flourish. “Ugh, fine. But that eliminates, like, three other gods from my list.”

“Let’s just pick one from my list then, okay? I don’t have any murder gods on mine, see?” He held it out a few inches from Taako’s face to illustrate his point, then pulled it back to continue scanning. “Okay, I think I have one. Tymora? Goddess of good fortune and luck. She leaves decisions for her followers up to chance with a coin flip or dice roll.”

“Dice? Angus, that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. But I could use some good fortune.” He mulled it over for a moment before shrugging. “Sure, why not? I’ll pay her a visit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who the fuck would make a decision based on dice rolls? That's so stupid lmao.
> 
> Anyway, hope you're all having a lovely week and enjoyed today's update! It almost didn't go up because for some reason I thought it was a Wednesday today and only realized that it wasn't when I saw the new MBMBaM had come out lol. 
> 
> Thanks as always for your kind comments and support! Next chapter should be out on 9/21!


	8. As Luck Would Have It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako visits a luck goddess. Lup worries some more.

As far as Taako could tell, the nearest temple for Tymora was in Kormaring. There had been one in Phandalin but… well, that wasn’t really an option any more. Whoops. 

Kormaring was about a two day journey from Goldcliff, which was annoying because he had become _very_ used to using Lup and Kravitz to open rifts for him whenever he needed to travel further than a few miles. But he wanted to avoid as much suspicion as possible, so he told them he was going to a conference for work, layered up, packed his bags, and set off. 

Traveling alone sucked, but it was largely uneventful. He made good time by taking a quick meditation instead of sleeping and arrived at the outskirts of town almost half a day before he had expected. 

When he had first set out, he hadn’t been sure whether he'd ever visited Kormaring before. He had passed through so many places back during _Sizzle It Up!_ that they all sort of blended together in his mind. When he arrived, he realized that there was absolutely no fucking chance he could have forgotten this place. 

The town—a small city, really—was absolutely striking. The high sun reflected off of glistening glass flagstone walkways. Fountains at every corner spouted graceful arcs of water over floating silver orbs. The buildings were covered in a pink mineral that Taako, in a split second of unbridled panic, thought was tourmaline before realizing that that was impossible. Upon closer inspection, it was halite. Salt crystals. How delightfully fuckin’ bizarre.

People bustled about, buying and selling baked goods and hot teas with friendly smiles and chipper greetings. The town seemed to be primarily occupied by gnome and halfling residents and was built accordingly. Shallow steps and low countertops provided easy access for the locals, though Taako did have to duck a bit to pass under an archway or two. 

He stopped at a charming little cafe for a coffee to warm himself while he walked and treated himself to a croissant from a bakery across the street. He burnt his tongue a bit, but the coffee was sweet and the croissant was so flaky he could just about die. 

As he walked deeper into the town, Taako found himself wondering if Kravitz had ever visited. He couldn’t imagine a lot of evil necromantic cults would set up shop in a place like this. He made a mental note to bring him here for a date night at some point. It was too gorgeous to keep to himself and he desperately wanted to watch how the shimmering lights reflected off of his boyfriend’s deep eyes as he took everything in. 

The temple was at the center of town. Angus had said that it was a multi-faith temple that most of the townsfolk used to meet their specific needs. But if the intel was correct, there should be a section of it specifically dedicated to Tymora. Being a halfling herself, she had a fairly large following here. 

There was little reprieve from the chill in the air as he stepped into the temple, which was held aloft by a series of pillars but otherwise had no exterior walls to shield from the elements. Pulling his cloak tighter around himself, he looked around for some kind of clue to indicate where Tymora’s pulpit was located. 

The temple was open-concept with different sections marked off by colored glass mosaic on the floor. Each one was a different color and depicted the symbol for the god who could be worshipped in that area. 

Fortunately, it wasn’t long before he found a section towards the middle with an emerald green and copper mosaic depicting a face-up coin. Bingo. 

He rooted through his coin purse as he approached, fishing out a copper piece. 

“A copper to the Lady is worth tenfold in gold,” he muttered, placing it on the altar. 

He knelt in front of it (because, hey, kneeling had worked last time, right?) and wondered if he was going to be able to get signal. With Istus, he’d already had a connection. He didn’t know Tymora for shit. This was new territory. 

He closed his eyes. Okay. Think lucky thoughts. Think lu— _ow, fuck_. He jolted as a wave of energy hit him like a wall, causing him to topple over. 

He opened his eyes and was still in the temple, now lying on his back. 

“Godsdamn it,” he muttered, pushing himself up into a seated position. 

“Oof, no luck, huh?”

Taako whipped around towards a halfling who was now approaching him with a sympathetic smile on her face. 

“Apparently not. Does Tymora _usually_ knock people on their ass when they try to talk to her?”

“Well, it’s never happened to me specifically, but I can’t speak for anyone else.” She walked past Taako and placed a copper piece on the altar. “A copper to the Lady is worth tenfold in gold.”

Taako stood up as she left her offering, brushing the dirt off of his clothes. 

Do you know how to get in touch with her? Like is there a number I can call or…” 

She smiled and turned back around to face him. 

“Ya know, most people can’t just walk up to a temple and start talking to a god; I wouldn’t take it personally.” She paused, looking him over with consideration. “Although, if you have an urgent matter to discuss with the Lady, I can try to help. My family has been worshipping Tymora for generations. I’ve communed with her plenty of times before; maybe I could get a channel open for you.”

“That would be great, yeah.” He flashed her a grateful grin. “What do you need me to do?”

“Nothing, just relax.” She stepped forward, reaching up to grab ahold of his hand. He knelt again to make it easier for her to hold onto. Merle always used to complain about his arms getting tired when he had to reach up too high to heal him.

The halfling closed her eyes—fuck, he should have asked her name. He always forgot to do that—and after a somewhat awkward moment of sitting quietly, her eyes flew open. She reeled back, pulling her hand from his grip.

“ _Shit!_ ” She looked Taako over, face set in a grimace. 

“Guess that didn’t work, huh?”

“No. No, it did not.” She shifted uncomfortably. “You should probably go.”

“What happened?” He cocked an eyebrow at her, rising to his feet once again.

“Please just leave.”

“Uh, okay.” He took a few steps to his right until he had crossed onto a purple and silver mosaic for the next worship space over. “There, all good. Now, what’s up?”

She sighed, bringing a hand up to rub the back of her neck. She was clearly uncomfortable with him still being in the temple but she technically couldn’t make him leave. Public space and all that. 

“Apparently you’ve had some kind of…brush with some really fucking dark magically imbued bad luck in the past. Are you—is that something you’re aware of?”

“Huh. Shit, yeah. Had a run in with some liches awhile back. Not exactly a fun situation. Got a washing machine dropped on me, almost died. It was a whole thing. Had to be there. But it already happened, so no worries. Got all of the bad luck out of my system. Let your goddess know we’re good.”

“Yeah, so I’m actually _not_ going to do that. The bad luck may be over but it left an irreparable scar on your essence. And that shit does not fly here.”

Gods, _fuck_ those liches. How were they still fucking with his shit? If he couldn’t become immortal all because of that one stupid wheel spin, he was going to personally dedicate his life to necromancy, travel to the eternal stockade, and raise Edward and Lydia from the dead just so he could beat them to death himself. 

Right now, though, he needed to focus on the problem at hand. 

“So you can’t help me?”

“To be honest, even if I could help you, I probably wouldn’t. Don’t really want to make my goddess angry. You know how it is.” 

“Fair enough, I suppose.” 

And even though he was angry, he did mean it. He’d seen Merle lose a wooden finger for defying Pan before. Couldn’t exactly expect this perfect stranger to go against her goddess just to help him out. He reached into his bag and pulled out a coin, flipping it to her. She fumbled the catch and he heard it clatter to the ground as he turned to leave. 

“Thanks, anyway.”

He didn’t stop to see if it landed heads-up or not. 

* * *

Lup was having a bad day.

Mostly because she was worried about her brother, but the knife that was currently being plunged into her leg sure as hell wasn’t helping. 

“Ah, fuck! Ow!” She threw a hand out toward the rogue, casting immolation and watching as he went up in flames. 

“You okay, Lup?” Barry called from across the dim cave, knocking a necromancer to the ground. Honestly, fuck these guys. It was so much easier when they went quietly but this particular cult was almost impressively determined to make this as pointlessly difficult for themselves as possible.

“Yeah, absolutely stellar.” She used the fact that a few of the cult members were trying to put their friend out to examine the gash on her leg. It was bleeding, but ultimately not too deep. Silver linings.

“Lup, please try to focus.” Kravitz appeared at her side, bringing his scythe down on an undead corpse that had been making its way over to her. “You’re distracted.”

“Sorry. Little off today.” She blasted another undead creature with magic missile. A classic choice, although admittedly a bit inelegant.

“Do—ah, fuck—do you wanna talk about it?” Barry called out between labored breaths as he struggled against someone who was currently on top of him trying to wrestle his scythe away. Honestly, the gall of these people.

Lup ducked out of the way of a ray of enfeeblement, spinning to send out a lightning bolt in return. She missed, the half-elf dodging out of the way. He still got hit with some residual shock, but still. Fuck.

“No, it’s cool, I just—Krav, do you think Taako’s been acting weird lately?”

“Yes.” Kravitz sent a bolt of energy towards the dude before he could prepare another spell. 

“Wait, really?” She looked at him, eyebrows lifting in shock. She shot a fireball over his shoulder at a figure that was trying to attack him from behind. Kravitz reflexively tilted his head away from the heat as it passed.

“What do you mean ‘really’?” He sounded more bothered by her words than by the potential singed hair.

“I didn’t think you’d’ve noticed.” 

“Then _why did you even ask_?” He swung his scythe around, knocking two necromancers prone in one smooth arc. “He’s my boyfriend; of course I noticed. But whatever it is, he won’t talk to me about it.”

“Sorry, yeah, of course. You just haven’t mentioned it.” She dodged out of the way of an arrow, then ducked to allow Barry to get a clear shot at the drow that had shot it at her. 

“Well, you know. Taako is very private. I don’t want to pry.”

“Not wanting to pry. What a concept!” Barry shouted, right before being knocked back to the ground. Oof. These guys _really_ didn’t like him.

“Shut _up,_ babe.” Lup called back, shooting off another lightning bolt into the dude that had knocked him over. “I’m his sister and I’m worried about him. It’s my godsdamn _job_ to pry.”

“I’m a bit worried about him too,” Kravitz admitted. He ducked out of the way of a body that Barry blasted across the room. “He hasn’t been sleeping.”

“ _What?_ ” Lup whipped around to face him. “What do you mean he hasn’t been sleeping?” 

“I don’t know, just—at least when I’ve spent the night, anyway. He usually always sleeps when I’m over, but he’s just been meditating lately.”

“How long has he been doing that?”

“I don’t know, maybe a month or two?” He spun, blocking a blow from an axe with his scythe, and pushed the assailant to the ground. “Sorry, I’m still not great at keeping track of time on the prime material plane. I thought it was okay for elves to meditate?”

Well, fuck. That wasn’t good. Taako used to do that shit when they were kids, too. _Exclusively_ when he was under an extreme amount of stress. When he couldn’t get a full night without one of his night terrors. 

Which, yeah. Elves could _survive_ on, if they wanted to be fucking miserable and tired all of the time. But it wasn’t ideal. Especially when Taako did it, because he _never_ meditated for the recommended four hours. She guessed he was probably getting, like, an hour or two at _max_. She kicked herself for not noticing. Maybe she should— 

“Lup, watch it!” 

Kravitz’s voice cut through her thoughts nearly simultaneously with a sword cutting through her flank. 

“ _Shit!_ ” She gripped her side and whipped around to face the offending party, fire in her eyes. Okay. She was done here. 

Lup cast meteor swarm. Ninth level spell. Absolutely devastating. It eviscerated the man standing in front of her and most of the remaining cult members in the cave.

She sunk down to the floor, letting the boys finish off the remaining living souls and start rounding up the newly dead ones. She’d done the heavy lifting; they could deal with the clean up.

She felt her wounds start to close up as she rested—perk of the job—and ran her hands over her face. 

“You okay?” Barry put a hand on her shoulder. She reached up, giving it a light squeeze.

“Yeah. Hurts like a motherfucker, though. Probably be a little tender for a few days but I won’t, like, need to form a whole new construct or anything, I don’t think.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah.” She turned her head, depositing a light kiss on his hand. “Yeah, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! As always, thank you for reading and for all of your kind words. It really does make all the hours spent writing feel so worth it. 
> 
> I still don't have a solid chapter count yet but I think we're nearing the halfway point. (We aren't there just yet but I believe we are getting close!)
> 
> Hope you all have a lovely week! Next chapter should be coming out on 10/5!


	9. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz and Taako have a date night. Lup tries to visit Taako at work.

Kravitz, ever the romantic, stopped to pick up flowers on his way to Taako’s apartment. The season had not yet turned to spring so he had worried the selection would be droopy and sparse but fortunately, the shop owner and her wife were both druids and the store was filled to the brim with lush flora. 

He came away with a vibrant bouquet after being talked down from buying an arrangement of lilies and roses (he didn’t care that they were supposed to be for funerals! They were pretty and romantic!) But in the end he conceded that the florist was probably right; a bouquet of deep blue and purple irises reminded him of space and were perfect for his alien boyfriend.

His main reason for getting the flowers was because he loved Taako and wanted him to have nice things. But he would be lying if he said he didn’t have ulterior motives. He wanted to have a serious conversation tonight and he wasn’t above showing up with flowers to butter Taako up a bit. 

He was worried. Of course he was. Lup was a wreck at their mission the other day, distracted and constantly reiterating that Taako was acting weird.

And she was right. Taako _was_ acting weird. And he wanted to know why. 

The problem was that he’d been so busy at work recently, he hadn’t had a chance to see Taako since he got back from his business trip. But tonight was date night and they had this whole dinner planned and he was hopefully going to figure out what was going on. 

When he arrived at the apartment, he heard Taako screaming before he even got to the door. A sharp twinge of panic caught hold of his stomach as he closed the distance and threw open the door, not bothering to knock. As he burst into the room, his brain caught up with his ears and he realized that there were two distinct voices yelling, similar as they may sound to the untrained ear. 

And they weren’t screaming at a threat. They were screaming at one another. 

It was a relief in a certain sense because it meant his boyfriend wasn’t being horrifically murdered in his own home. But in another sense, Lup looked so pissed off that he wasn’t entirely sure the evening wasn’t still going to end in a grisly death or two. 

“— know what the _fuck_ your problem is but it sure as shit isn’t my fucking fault!”

“Oh, no! No, of _course_ not! Because nothing is _ever your fucking fault,_ right?”

Lup was standing in the middle of the living room, red-faced and eyes blazing, while Taako stood in the doorway to the kitchen, glaring daggers at her. They were either too angry to care that Kravitz had arrived or too wrapped up in their fight to notice. 

Barry, for what it was worth, walked over to give Kravitz a sympathetic pat on the shoulder while the twins yelled over one another almost incomprehensibly. 

“How long?” Kravitz asked. 

“Ten minutes, maybe?” Barry glanced at his watch and cringed. “Lup and I are definitely going to miss out on our reservation if we don’t wrap this up soon, though.”

Kravitz hummed in acknowledgement. He’d seen the twins go at it like this once or twice before. The first time, he had been really concerned but Barry had assured him that this wasn’t an entirely uncommon occurrence. It could go on for a while but it was usually fine as long as no one started throwing anything. That was, Barry had assured him, the true indicator that things were about to get out of hand.

And then Lup launched a red heel across the room at Taako.

It smacked him directly in the face.

Ah, shit.

Sputtering out a string of curse words but otherwise not missing a beat, Taako chucked a wooden spoon back at her. Kravitz didn’t wait to see if it hit, already moving across the room the moment it left his hand. Taako reached for a picture frame that sat on a nearby table but Kravitz snatched it away before he had a chance. Taako looked up, quizzically, apparently just now realizing that he had arrived. 

The beat gave Lup enough time to throw a second shoe, which missed by a mile because Barry currently had his arms wrapped around her and was pulling her out of the apartment while she tried to squirm out of his grasp.

“Lup— _fuck,_ you’re strong— Lup, we don’t have to go out to eat tonight but we— _knock it off_ —we are _not_ staying here so you two can wreck the apartment. The security deposit on this place is a bitch and— _fuck_ — and we need to get you somewhere to cool off.”

Eventually, the two made it to the door— still hanging open from Kravitz’s dramatic entrance— and Barry managed to hook his foot around it and swing it closed behind him. Kravitz listened to two sets of footsteps thundering off down the hall as Lup apparently started to cooperate enough to walk off with her own legs. 

He looked at Taako, cocking a brow and waiting for an explanation. 

“Sisters, amiright?” Taako muttered, shrugging his shoulders and walking into the kitchen. 

Kravitz sighed, then started suddenly as a small rift opened and a hand poked through, palm outstretched. 

“Hey, uh, do you mind?” Barry asked. Kravitz stared at the hand for a moment before it clicked.

“Ah, yes. Of course.” He stooped to pick Lup’s shoes off of the floor and handed them over. “Have a nice night.”

“Thanks, bud. You too, I guess.” 

The hand disappeared again and the rift closed behind it. Kravitz rubbed his face, taking a moment to get himself into the right headspace before walking into the kitchen after his boyfriend. Taako was poking around at whatever was in the oven, pretending not to notice that Kravitz had walked in and doing a piss-poor job because his ears immediately twitched in his direction. 

“So what was all that about?”

“Nothing, just stupid sibling stuff.” He straightened up, slamming the oven a little harder than was probably necessary, and flashed Kravitz a crooked grin. “Sorry about that. Bad timing on your part, really.”

“Does it hurt where her shoe hit you? Do you need…” he racked his brain for what living beings needed when they got hurt “...ice?” he stepped forward and reached a hand out, running a cool thumb over where it had hit. Or, where he thought it had. It was honestly hard to tell. His whole face was so red that there wasn’t a mark to indicate where he had been struck or how hard it had been.

“Nah, I’m fine. That was probably only, like, 30% power.” 

Despite his insistence that he didn’t need it, Taako leaned into his hand. Kravitz wasn’t sure if that was because he was soothing a sore spot or just because Taako was a greedy bastard when it came to physical touch. 

“Well I’m glad she restrained herself, then.”

“Yeah, for the only time in her fucking life,” Taako grumbled. He turned away from Kravitz and opened the oven, going back to prodding at whatever was inside with his spatula. It reminded Kravitz of when Taako had tried to teach him how to cook. He’d kept getting yelled at for peeking in and letting the heat out. He wondered why Taako was—

Oh. _Oh._ Right. He messed with food too much when he was feeling anxious or upset. It was how he’d ruined those cookies a few months back. Kravitz stepped forward and gently took the spatula from his hand, earning himself a confused look.

“Why don’t you go take a minute? I can watch the food.” He tucked a flyaway piece of hair behind Taako’s ear. Taako cocked an eyebrow. 

“You’re gonna cook?” He smirked, clearly amused at the idea. 

“Barely.” He rolled his eyes. “I think I’m more than capable of standing here and waiting for a timer to go off.” Taako eyed the oven warily, then nodded. 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay that’s… probably a good idea. Just gimme a few minutes and pull that out as soon as the timer goes off. Shouldn’t be long.” He started to walk away, then stopped and whipped around “Oh. And don’t forget the oven mitts. I know you don’t always feel heat right away but that shit is hot and it _will_ burn you.”

“Right, I’ve got it.” He gave a thumbs up and Taako walked out of the room to hopefully cool off a bit. Kravitz absently wondered where he’d dropped his flowers. Probably in the doorway. He didn’t want to leave the oven, though, still a bit anxious about being left in charge of any aspect of their meal. They’d probably been crushed by Lup and Barry’s exit, anyway.

He sighed, leaning against the counter. Well, so much for tonight going smoothly. He glanced at the clock, wondering whether Barry and Lup had made it to their reservation on time. Knowing Lup, he doubted whether she was even physically capable of sitting still long enough for dinner after all of that. Maybe taking her somewhere safe to blow things up would have been a better date idea for the evening. He stored the thought away to suggest to Barry later. Then again, Barry had been with Lup for a very long time so he probably knew how to handle this type of thing by now. 

A timer went off, shaking Kravitz from his thoughts. He donned the oven mitts and carefully removed the tray from the oven. It smelled amazing. Some type of chicken— he was still unused to eating regularly so that was about as much as he could identify through look and smell alone. 

He wondered whether he should let Taako know that it was ready or wait until he came back on his own. Fortunately, he didn’t have to debate the topic for very long before Taako’s voice sounded out behind him. 

“Babe, did you get me flowers?”

Kravitz spun around to see him grinning ear to ear, clutching the bouquet in his arms. They looked like they had been run over by a train. He stepped forward to inspect them, lifting an iris head that hung down, barely still attached to the stem.

“They looked better in the store, I swear.” 

“Yeah, I was about to say... I hope you got a discount.” He laughed and Kravitz joined him, laughter over the flowers growing into laughter over the absolute wreck of a start to their night until the two were sitting on the kitchen floor, not even sure what they were laughing about any more.

Taako sniggered, wiping tears off of his face while he struggled to regain his composure and Kravitz felt like the luckiest man in the world to get to see something so beautiful. 

They didn’t get off of the floor for a long time, turning their fancy date into an impromptu picnic when Taako pulled a set of forks off of the table, handing him one so they could dig into their now cold meal. Kravitz suggested that they mend the flowers with a spell but Taako shook his head and stuck the broken arrangement into a water pitcher. 

“No, I like it like this. It’s perfect.” 

Kravitz smiled at his boyfriend. Maybe they didn’t need to have a serious talk tonight. Maybe that could wait. Maybe for now they could just be happy and together and that could be enough. 

“Yeah. It really is.”

* * *

When Lup, Taako, and Barry had been apartment hunting, they had settled on a fairly modest space. The three of them were used to living in close quarters from their IPRE days and after spending so much time apart, Lup had found herself looking forward to the three of them living crowded together again. 

Unfortunately, she had forgotten how incredibly awkward living on top of one another made things after a fight.

It hadn’t even been over anything important, which was doubly annoying because that meant it wasn’t even cathartic. Things had just been so godsdamn _tense_ over the days leading up to it. And it was _Taako’s_ fault for being so much more defensive and on edge and fuckin’ paranoid all the time. It was like walking on eggshells. 

And okay, yeah, maybe it didn’t help that she had, perhaps, been a teensy little bit high strung, too. And maybe she had been hovering and getting a little more in his business than usual but she wouldn’t have _needed_ to if he would just _open up and tell her what was wrong_. 

It just kind of boiled over when she had asked if he liked her lipstick and he had snapped that he couldn’t look at it right now because he was focused on making dinner. And then she had snapped back because he was practically _begging_ for it at that point and, well…

Well, she supposed it had gotten a little out of hand. 

Lup felt bad about that. Upon reflection and a lot of venting at her infuriatingly level-headed and supportive husband, she realized that she wasn’t totally a hundred percent blameless. They were both on edge.

She still couldn’t bring herself to admit to Taako that she was wrong about anything right away. But after stewing for a few days and letting the guilt build, she decided to extend an olive branch. 

Lup made her way to Taako’s school around noon. He’d been spending so much time at work lately. Early mornings and late nights and a lot of weekends. She felt like if they’d been able to spend more time together, things might be less uneasy. Give him some time to get used to being around her again after so long apart. And she knew he was busy as fuck so she was taking time out of her own schedule to meet him at work and treat him to lunch.

It had been awhile since her last visit so it took her a few minutes to locate his office. It was unmistakable which one was his once she located the right wing. Unless there was someone else at the school who had an intricately carved oak door with the words “Headmaster Taako, Wizard/Chef/Savior of the Planar System (You’re Welcome!)” written across it in silver cursive. 

She gave a quick knock on the door, waiting a moment for an answer that never came. 

“Hey, Taako? I know you’re super busy with work but open up! You’re playing hookie for a few hours today!” 

No answer. 

“Come on, Taako, don’t be a dick!”

No answer. 

Okay, fine. She was trying to be nice but this was getting tiresome. She opened a rift to the other side of the door and stepped through, expecting to hear a slurry of protests, but none came. He wasn’t here. Huh. Maybe he was in a meeting. Didn’t seem like his style, but first time for everything, right?

Stepping back through to the other side of the door, she glanced down the hallway, debating whether she should go looking for him or wait here until he came back. Fortunately, she didn’t have to debate for very long before Ren stepped out of the next room over. 

“Lup?” She looked surprised to see her, which Lup supposed was fair, given how infrequently she stopped by. 

“Oh! Hey, Ren! You wouldn’t happen to know where my brother is, would you?” Ren gave her a blank look, so she continued. “You know... Handsome dude? Long hair? Looks like me but with a hat and a more wintery color palette?”

“No, yeah, I know who Taako is, Lup but he’s... not here.”

“I mean, yeah, that’s why I’m asking. I just checked his office. Do you know when he’s getting back? Or does he have, like, a second, secret office where I could find him?”

“No, I mean he hasn’t been to work in weeks.”

“What?” Lup’s stomach twisted, uneasily. “What do you mean? That doesn’t— I don’t… _why the fuck not_?”

“I don’t know. He just came in one day and said he was taking a sabbatical. I tried to tell him that’s not really how sabbaticals work, but he didn’t listen. Haven’t seen him around since. He didn’t tell you?”

“No.” Lup swallowed hard, trying to ignore the cocktail of emotions swirling around in her brain. “No, he hasn’t mentioned it.”

“Huh. Well I’m sorry you came all the way out here. Is there, uh, anything I can help you with?”

"No, that’s okay. Thanks, Ren.” Lup flashed her a smile. “I should get going; I have a bunch of stuff to do today, anyway.”

“Oh! Okay. See ‘ya around. Tell Taako I said hey.”

“Sure thing. See ‘ya.”

Lup watched Ren walk briskly off down the hall until she turned a corner and disappeared out of sight. 

_What the fuck, Taako._

Lup summoned her scythe and opened a rift to the Astral Plane, straight into Kravitz’s office. Or house, kind of? She wasn’t entirely sure what the deal was but it was usually where Kravitz could be found if he wasn’t on a mission or in her apartment and it was where he kept all of his stuff. 

Stepping through the rift, she heard the telltale sound of a violin playing in the other room. It sounded amazing, if not a little morbid. Her own style was typically much more upbeat and lively but they really did need to play together at some point. 

She followed the sound into the next room, clearing her throat as she did to avoid catching him off guard (never a good idea to sneak up on a reaper.) He looked up and gave her a confused smile, dragging out the last note and letting it hang in the air. 

“Hey, Grim.” She gave an apologetic wave and ventured into the room, perching on the edge of a piano bench. “Sorry for interrupting; you don’t have to stop. ‘S pretty.”

“No, that’s fine; I was just finishing up. Are you here to talk about a bounty or is this a social visit? Because I don’t have any food but I do have some tea I could brew up.”

“Are you asking me if this visit is for business or pleasure?” She wiggled her eyebrows at him while he cringed. Still not totally comfortable around her, it would seem.

“I keep forgetting you were technically there on my first date with your brother. Or trying to forget, anyway. But it would be easier to do that if you would _stop bringing it up_.”

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?” She let out a short laugh in response to his eye roll, then bit her lip. “Hey, uh. Do you know what Taako’s been up to lately?” Kravitz let out a drawn out sigh, carefully placing his violin in its case. 

“This again? Lup, I know I said I was worrying about him too, but… he says he’s fine. Last time I saw him, he was doing great other than the fact that he’d just been hit in the face with a shoe.” Lup winced at that and Kravitz cocked his head to the side, expression softening. 

“Look, I know you’re worried about him. But do you think that’s maybe because you’re working through some things yourself? I know it wasn’t easy for you when you— well, before you were let out. And I’m sure Taako’s acting a bit differently than you’re used to. You were apart for a long time and I’m sure that changed him a lot. So maybe this is—”

“You think I’m making this up?”

“No! I mean… no. No, of course not, I just... I think he definitely is acting weird. And for sure different than you’re used to him acting. But that doesn’t necessarily mean something is seriously wrong. I’m sure he’s just... stressed from dealing with the pressure of running his school or adjusting to life now that everything is over. And maybe he’s just… responding to stress in a way that you’re unfamiliar with? Or has different coping mechanisms that you’re not used to seeing? Or—”

She held a hand up to cut him off. This was getting ridiculous. He and Barry needed to form some kind of club for annoying assholes who act like they know her brother better than his own twin.

“Responding to stress in different ways like by not showing up to work for weeks on end? Is that normal, Kravitz? Or is that me being dramatic? You tell me.”

“Not— what? What are you talking about?”

“I went to visit him at work today and he wasn’t there. According to Ren, he hasn’t been coming in for a while now. But he leaves for work every morning and comes home from work every night. So where is he going, huh? Is that _normal behavior_? Some kind of _fancy new coping mechanism_ that I’m unfamiliar with?”

“I— that’s—” Kravitz shook his head, closing his eyes in concentration for a brief moment. “No. No, that’s not normal; you’re right.”

“You’re godsdamn right I’m right. And we’re gonna find out where he is.”

Lup stood and strode through the door without another word, making her way into the room where Kravitz kept all of his maps and important papers. Their reaping trio had spent countless hours here strategizing their hunts for bounties. 

She tacked a map to the wall and picked up a marker, standing in front of it with her eyes closed. Even after all of her training, tracking souls was still one of the hardest things to do. Picking one distinct soul out in a world filled with millions of souls all connected with one another in a seemingly infinite tangle of bonds? Virtually impossible. Tracking Taako’s soul? Piece of cake. She knew it like the back of her hand. 

It only took half a second before she located it and stuck her hand out, tracing a circle onto the map. She opened her eyes again and looked at her mark. 

“Holy fucking hell, Krav, come check this shit out.”

“Lup…”

“That doesn’t sound like the tone of someone who’s gonna come check this shit out. And I gotta say, I’m disappointed.” She turned to face him. He looked anxious. Fidgety. “What?”

“Look, I just. This feels like an invasion of privacy. If Taako doesn’t want us to know what he’s up to, shouldn’t we talk to him about that? Instead of using divinely granted powers to spy on him?”

“I’ve been _trying_ to talk to him about this for _weeks_ , dude. What is not clicking?”

“The part where we use divinely granted powers to sp—”

“Fuck, okay, yeah. I get it. Just come look at this, alright? Please?”

Maybe it was something in her tone or maybe he was just tired of arguing with her, but Kravitz let out a defeated sigh and walked over to look at the circle she had drawn on the map. 

“What am I looking at?”

“ _This,_ ” she said, jabbing a finger at the mark, “is where Taako is right now.”

“Yes, I gathered that much.”

“Krav, that’s _Lucas Miller’s school_.” 

“ _Oh_. But I don’t— what does— _why is he there?_ ” He finally sounded like he was a reasonable level of concerned (read: _super fucking concerned_.)

“That’s what I’m fuckin’ saying!” She smacked his shoulder to emphasize her point. She knew this would get him on her side. Kravitz hated Lucas more than even Magnus did. 

“Is that where he’s been going instead of work?”

“I don’t know! But between you, me, and Barry, I bet we could track his soul a couple times a week each and figure out what in the hot fuck he’s been up to!” She grinned excitedly at him. He frowned down at her. Not the reaction she was hoping for. 

“I don’t think I can do that.”

“What? Why not?”

“Lup, he would be furious if he thought I was spying on him. And I don’t trust Lucas at all. But I _do_ trust Taako. I’m sure there’s… _some_ kind of reason for all of this.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Is it? Lup, you’re his sister. Whether he likes what you do or not, he pretty much has to forgive you for it because he can’t get rid of you. You’ve been together since birth. But… I’m his boyfriend. And I’ve only been his boyfriend for a little over a year now. I know that he loves me but I _also_ know that this kind of thing could very easily cause a fight or...” He trailed off for a moment, eyes trailing off to look at something behind Lup. “...or worse than a fight. I don’t want to lose him over something like this. I just have to believe that he’ll tell me eventually.”

“And if he doesn’t? If he acts like a stubborn asshole and just _never_ fucking tells you?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. Lup pretended not to notice that his voice faltered. 

Well, shit. This had gotten really sad really fast. But, yeah, no, Kravitz was right. She couldn’t ask him to spy on Taako with her. But she _could_ find out what was happening _for_ him before this caused a huge strain on their relationship. Swoop in and save the day, as per usual. Classic Lup shit. 

Kravitz clearly _really_ liked her brother and Taako clearly _really_ liked him back. But he was gonna fuck it all up if he didn’t get his head out of his ass. She could fix this, though. She could do that for them. 

“Okay, point taken. I’m sorry. I won’t ask you again.” She reached out to put a hand on his arm and gave a light squeeze, tilting her head to seek out eye contact. “That said, you don’t think I’m acting crazy, right? Like, you understand why I’m prying so much?”

“Yeah, I understand. He’s your brother and you’re worried about him. I’m worried too.” He smiled at her and put a hand over hers. “I’m sorry for not validating your feelings; that was insensitive and wrong of me.” 

“No worries, bone daddy.” She bit her lip, gaze falling back to the map she had pinned to the wall. “Do you, uh, mind if I take this, though? For research purposes?”

“If you promise to stop calling me bone daddy.”

“Oof.” Lup sucked air in through her teeth. “No can do, I’m afraid. But I _will_ promise not to tell the Raven Queen about that time we all went out to Merle’s bar and you—”

“Deal! Deal. Just take the map. Take ten maps, I don’t even care.” He held his hands up in defeat. She grinned, gathering a few papers up in her arms. 

“Pleasure doing business.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having the absolute worst writer's block, which is super frustrating because I'm finally at a point that I've been SUPER excited about but it's okay because I still have a nice comfy buffer of backlog while I figure things out. Also I recently made a bunch of new friends who are in the TAZ fandom and that has been super energizing!
> 
> Thanks for all of the support and encouragement! Next update should be up on 10/19!


	10. Sashalas and Nasagi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako visits some gods. The day doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers for the chapter** but just as a heads up! There is a very short section with descriptions of some body horror towards the end of this chapter. Nothing bad happens to our boy but some unnamed beings are described as Not Having a Good Time. That section starts with "Holy Fucking Shit" and ends with "He took a few steps backwards from her throne," if you would like to skip past it.

Over the course of several weeks, Taako and Angus began to fall into a routine of sorts. The two would spend a few days researching and ultimately choosing a promising deity. Once selected, they made a pro and con list (at Angus’s behest) to make sure they were a god worth following. If they were given the Boy Detective Seal of Approval, the two began a deep-dive into research, making a list of everything they thought was important to know. Alignment, preferred offerings, follower count… basic shit. 

It was hard for Taako to focus on this part. As soon as they found a promising lead, he wanted to leap out of his chair and run to the nearest temple. Well, maybe not _run,_ because ew. But, like, power walk for _sure._

Still, he knew the research was important in making sure he was prepared for what he was getting himself into. Anyway, that phase usually only lasted a day or two. Once it was over, Taako would pack up his shit and travel out to wherever the fuck that particular all-powerful divine being could be reached. 

And then he’d come back and they’d do it again. And again. And again.

It was a pretty exhausting in just about every sense of the word but it sure as fuck beat being at home all the time and dodging Lup’s shoes. Or worse, dodging Barry’s sympathetic glances. Frankly, if the dude tried to rope him into one more godsdamn heart to heart, he was going to lose it. 

And, like, he missed being at home. He missed his sister and being able to hold a normal conversation without deflecting or changing the subject or blowing up on one another. They’d fought a lot in the past, for _sure_ , but it hadn’t usually lasted for a stretch this long. They had always bounced back within a few days. He didn’t like this extended tension. 

He just needed to hurry up and figure his shit out and then everything would be fine. 

Which, ya know… all the more reason to bury himself in research. All the more reason to visit the library seven days a week. All the more reason to travel around to different temples. All the more reason to come in earlier and stay later and bring books home to pour over at night when he was supposed to be asleep. 

It was fucking _hard_ and it fucking _sucked_ but wouldn’t it all be worth it if he— _when_ he finally found a god who said yes?

Hopefully, this would be the one because he was really testing the limits of his own patience and tenacity. 

“Okay, so we’re settled on Sashelas, then?” Angus asked, flipping to a fresh page in his notebook. It must have been the fourth or fifth one they’d gone through. Taako briefly considered giving the kid some money for all of the supplies he was wasting helping out with this project, but then he remembered that Lucretia had insisted on paying for Angus’s schooling and supplies. He decided that maybe he would steal some fancy pens or something from Angus’s bag on his way out tonight. Vengeance was a dish best served petty. 

He rubbed his tired eyes, leaning across the table to read Angus’s book upside down.

“Yeah, that sounds good to me. This one is an elf deity so I think I might have an edge.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to actually visit the celestial plane again?” The kid’s eyes burned with excitement at the prospect. He’d never been to a different plane before so he always had a million questions when Taako got back from a trip that involved planar travel. It wasn’t too infrequent that the gods he visited would bring him over to their side for a chat. But it was whatever. He was pretty much as chill with visiting new planes as one could possibly be at this point. 

“Hmmm...” He thought it over, picking up a pen and trying to balance it on his palm. “I’d say it’s about a fifty-fifty shot, though.”

“Okay, so it looks like it’s a floating temple. So you’ll need to go to Luskan, which is the nearest town, and take a boat out or something.” Angus looked back down at the notepad to jot something down. Taako pocketed the pen. 

“Okay, I do that.”

“What?”

“I dunno, just something Magnus used to say all the time.” He shrugged, picking up another pen and twirling it around his fingers. “I’ll head out tomorrow morning. How far away is it?” 

Angus slid a map across the table in response with one had, still scribbling notes down with another. Taako looked over the map, scanning for the most direct route. It was a little further out than he would have liked. Maybe four days out and four back. So eight total. Plus, there were the mountains to consider. Not really ideal. 

His eyes fell to the thick lines running across the paper. 

Oh.

_Sweet._

It _would_ be an eight-day-long journey. But if he took a train from Goldcliff to Neverwinter, it would only be about a day and a night of riding, plus a half-day’s hike to Luskan. Probably about three or four days total depending on the train schedule. 

“Oh, shit!” He perked up, grinning down at the map, then up at Angus. 

“What is it? Did you find something helpful?”

“No, I just. Shit, I just remembered I’m not poor as hell any more; I can just pay to take a train.”

“Uh, I mean… yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.” The kid’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Are you feeling okay, sir?”

“‘Course I am, why?”

“I, uh, I just think you’ve seemed kind of… out of it today? And yesterday, a little bit… and earlier this week, as well.” Angus’s eyes darted back down to his book, the way they always did when he was worried about upsetting an adult. Taako fucking hated that becase, yeah, he made fun of the kid all the time. But he didn’t _actually_ want Angus to worry about speaking his mind around him. 

“Ango, hey. It’s all good. I’m a little… tired out. Having trouble sleeping lately. But that’s fine! I’m totally _fine_. And I’ll be even more than fine once we get this whole mess sorted out. So. Ya’ know. Chin up, I guess.”

Angus smiled over at him but the tension remained on his face. Taako wished people would stop worrying about him all the time. 

“Of course, sir. I was just making sure. I’ll just stay here and do some research while you’re gone. I’m going to look into some other methods of achieving immortality and see what I can come up with.”

“Sounds good, kid. I’m gonna head out and get my shit together for this trip. I’ll see you soon.” He stood to go, deftly dropping another pen into his bag. He paused for a moment. “Hey and, uh, thanks for helping out. I, like, appreciate it, or whatever.”

* * *

The train ride to Neverwinter was largely uneventful. Which, on the one hand, was great because Taako really needed some time to rest. On the other hand, it left him a little bit too alone with his thoughts for comfort. 

What a massive waste of time. He cursed himself for not thinking to bring any books along to study during the ride. He wished Magnus or Merle were with him. Last time the three were on a train together was a blast, minus the whole “almost dying” thing. But if he discounted every fun memory he had where he almost died, he wouldn’t have any left (and he sure as fuck wasn’t interested in not having any fun memories left _again_.)

When the train arrived at its destination, he didn’t waste any time heading back onto the road and finding the path to Luskan. The trail was easy enough to follow and primarily downhill but he found himself dreading the steady uphill climb he’d face on the way back. When he finally did find a god to follow, he was definitely going to need to work teleportation into the contract.

It was mid afternoon by the time Taako reached town. He paid for a room at a shitty inn, figuring it would probably be starting to get dark by the time he got back. He was a powerful as _fuck_ wizard and wasn’t exactly afraid of anyone fucking with him on the walk back to Neverwinter, but it still never felt great to travel alone at night. 

Making his way to the docks, it wasn’t hard to find someone willing to taxi him out to the temple and back. There were plenty of people milling about and waiting by their boats, calling out prices for rentals or rides. 

A young half elf in the world’s dingiest sailboat offered to take him for a price that he swore was reasonable but Taako suspected was a lot higher than necessary just to take the boat out, hang around for a few minutes, and take him back. But, fuck it. He was rich now and he didn’t have time to argue with the guy. 

After paying him, they made their way out to Sashelas’s temple, and holy _shit_. Taako had been expecting, like, a big boat or something but this was just… a small wooden hut. It looked like the only thing keeping it afloat was a hand made raft of wooden planks, haphazardly woven together with rope. Gods, he hoped there was some kind of magic keeping this thing on the right side of the water because he did _not_ feel like drowning today. 

He mumbled a quick “be right back” to his ride, extending a careful foot onto the raft to test it. Seemed sturdy enough. He stepped fully off of the boat and walked over to the small structure. 

“Hellooo?” Taako drew the word out as he stepped inside, pushing the door open and poking his head in.

A group of eight worshipers looked up at him with faces ranging from surprised to confused to mildly annoyed. It looked like the temple was only one room with some bedrolls neatly stacked in the corner and an altar at the center of the room. Taako wondered what they did if they needed to take a shit. 

“Can we...help you?” One of the members stood, gesturing for Taako to come further into the room.

“I fuckin’ _hope_ so, my man. I need to talk to Sashelas. Was hoping you could, like, help me out with that.”

“Of course. Please come in, you’re welcome to pray here, if you would like…”

“Nah, that’s not gonna work. I need a direct line of communication. Like, face to face would be ideal, if that’s possible. So how does that work? Like, scrying bones or a specific ritual that he likes? Because I’m gonna be honest, there isn’t a _ton_ of information in the books about how to talk to this dude.” He flashed them an award-winning smile. Another one of the followers stood up. 

“I think you might be a little confused. People can’t just _talk_ to Sashelas.”

“I think _you_ —” he gestured around the room “—might be a little confused. Let’s start over. I’m Taako. You might remember me from a certain little story and song you may have heard a while back? Dashingly handsome elf who saved the planar system and, by extension, your god? Hi. That’s me.”

A few of the followers looked nervously around at one another. Perfect. Just keep the momentum going. He continued.

“I’m here to have a little chat with your god, maybe join the ranks— lucky you!— and see about getting some years tacked on to the old lifespan. Like. Infinite years. Would be great.”

“Wait, you want _immortality_?” An elven follower called from the floor. She sounded... pissed? Like, fairly pissed. 

“Thought that was pretty straight forward but, uh, yeah.”

“Look, I… appreciate what you’ve done but. We’ve all been worshipping Sashelas for _years_. Most of us have spent our entire lives out at sea doing his work. _We_ don’t even talk to our god during this lifetime. I mean, only after _years_ of intense devotion and worship, can the _most_ devout followers ascend to speak with him. And even then, there are absolutely no guarantees of— you don’t— you can’t just... _waltz in here_ and expect to be granted immortality!”

“I think I kind of did already though, yeah?”

“Look,” the first one to greet him stepped forward, hovering a gentle hand near Taako’s arm, “we don’t have any way to contact Sashelas. Our faith tells us that he will be there, even if we don’t see him or speak with him directly. It’s that faith that keeps this temple afloat. You are welcome to worship with us but there will never be a guarantee of reward.”

“Hmm, okay. How about this? How about I sign up and you guys can just give me, like, an advance on the immortality thing. How does that sound?”

“That’s _not how this works_.” The elf from earlier threw her hands up in exasperation. 

“She’s right, I’m afraid. None of us will see Sashelas until our souls have passed on. And only if we have been deemed worthy.”

“Hey, Vaune, honestly? Knock it off. It’s pretty clear this guy isn’t here because he actually gives a shit about worshipping Sashalas.” The elf stood, looking Taako up and down as she did so.

“I— that’s— you don’t _know that_ ,” He replied, indignation coloring his words. Like, sure, she was _right._ But still.

“It’s not gonna happen, buddy. You’ve gotta go.”

“Okay, fine. Fantasy Christ; I get it. Didn’t wanna stay in this shack anyway. It would dry the hell out of my skin.” 

He stalked out of the temple, blinking as the glare of the low sun on the ocean assaulted his eyes. As they adjusted, he frowned deeply at something still missing from view. 

The fucking boat was gone. 

Fuck. Stupid of him to pay the kid all of the money up front. Absolute rookie mistake, especially since he used to pull this kind of shit all the time as a kid. Lup would never let him live this down if she found out about it.

Digging through his bag, he pulled out the cloak of the manta ray and secured it around his shoulders. He teetered on the edge, eyeing the cold water, and gave the horizon one last sweep on the off chance that the boat was coming back. 

Godsdamn it, this was going to suck. 

He took a deep breath and dove in.

An initial icy shock tore through his system, forcing the air from his lungs for a terrifying moment as his body adjusted to the chill. Once he had, he was able to get into a rhythm and swim in the general direction of the shore. He hadn’t bothered figuring out the exact correct trajectory on the way out because _someone_ was supposed to do that for him. 

Even with the cloak, it took a long time to get back to land and darkness had fallen when Taako pulled himself up onto a bank. Wringing out his clothes, he glanced around at his surroundings. 

Okay, so definitely not in town any more. That was fine. There was a path up ahead that seemed rarely used but not overgrown, which likely led into Luskan. Or at least a neighboring town where he could get some directions.

It felt like the current had been pushing him west so he’d just walk east until he hit civilization. Couldn’t be more than, what? A mile? Maybe two miles off? He had a pretty good sense of direction from so many years on the road. 

He briefly considered taking a moment to meditate and rest up from the long day but, again, he wasn’t crazy about the idea of meditating without anyone to keep lookout. He could push through. It was fine. 

Walking along the path, he scanned the woods for any threats— how humans managed to become effective adventurers without the use of dark vision was beyond him. After a few minutes of this, his eyes fell to some ruins a few feet off of the path. It was a small stone structure, still standing, though clearly in disrepair. He could vaguely make out a name carved into the side in careful script. 

_Nasagi_.

Huh. The name rang a bell. He’d seen it in a book in the library a week or so ago. She was a goddess. He’d thought it looked promising but she didn’t make it through to Angus’s short list. Taako tried to remember why but all he could remember about her was that Angus had said she was mysterious and had almost no remaining followers. 

He pulled out his stone of farspeech, running a hand over the smooth surface. Maybe he should call Ango and ask. But, then again, it was late and the kid probably had class or something in the morning. 

Regardless, he might as well check this out while he was here so this trip didn’t end up being a total waste of time. And the ruins looked… inviting somehow? Like, this obviously wasn’t in use any more but he really felt like he should go investigate. 

Gods, what was the deal with Nasagi? Goddess of… 

_Beauty_. Right. Fuck, that was perfect for Taako. Angus didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. 

He thought back to his visit to Tymora’s temple and grimaced. Hopefully the, uh, _Wonderland situation_ wouldn’t be an issue here. He dug through his bag for a mirror to make sure his glamor was still up. He’d adjusted the spell awhile back to last for twelve hours at a time. It took up a much higher level spell slot but at least he wasn’t burning through one every hour any more. Totally worth it. 

He adjusted his hair— which was still wet but probably wasn’t going to dry any time soon— and returned the mirror to his bag, stepping up through the dark doorway. 

The inside of Nasagi’s temple was dark and empty, save for a stone altar at the front of the room. His footsteps echoed as he approached it. He racked his brain, trying to remember if there were any specific rituals or details he’d read about that might help him out with contacting her but his mind came up blank. 

Oh, well. Nothin’ wrong with winging it, right?

He knelt down in front of the altar. That seemed to be pretty universal for communing with gods. When in doubt, kneel in front of an altar. Classic religion stuff; he was _basically_ a cleric or some shit. 

“I, uh, seek council with Nasagi?” He peeked through one eye. Nothing. Okay. No problem. He closed his eyes again, shifting his weight a bit. “Hey, Nasagi? You there? I’d love to talk to you, if you’re free?” 

He opened his eyes again, looking around. Still nothing. Maybe he should try a different tactic.

“Nasagi, it’s Taako. From Story and Song? I saved the planar system a little while back; you’ve probably heard of me? Kinda a big deal, or whatever.” 

This time, when Taako opened his eyes, he was greeted with a glistening gold throne room. A stunning figure sat before him, cloaked in fluid silks with jewels dripping off of her. The softness in her clothing contrasted with her sharp cheekbones and icy eyes. Icy eyes that were staring him down. Welp. Third time’s the charm.

“You may rise, Taako.” Her voice had a musical quality but something about it was disconcerting in a way he wasn’t able to place. 

“Uh, cool, thanks.” He stood, looking around the room as he did. It was so incredibly gaudy. He fucking loved it. 

“You seek council with me, mortal?”

“Yeah, for sure.” He noticed her eyes narrow when he spoke. Too casual, maybe? “I mean, yes, my… Lady?”

Her expression softened at that. He was definitely going to need to channel Kravitz to get through this. 

“I came here to… petition you… for, uh, eternal employment?”

She leaned forward in her chair, smiling at him. Or, maybe smiling wasn’t the best word for it. She certainly moved all of the right face muscles for a smile. Her lips were turned up and her cheeks lifted and it probably would have looked like a very warm expression on Istus, but... something about it felt off. Wrong. 

“You would like to become an emissary?”

“Yes?” Her smile twitched downward. Ah, fuck. Right. “Uh, yes, my lady.” 

“Very well.”

“Wait, I— what? Really? Just, uh, just like that, huh?”

“Of course. Having a bird in my possession would be quite the accessory.”

“And— and if I have conditions?”

“Name them.” He took a deep breath. Here we go.

“Immortality.”

“Granted. It would be a shame to let such a beautiful prize go to waste over something as simple as death.” She paused, reaching down to run a finger across his jawline. It was unpleasantly cold. Which, yeah, he was somewhat used to from being around the reaper squad all the time. But for some reason it sent an unpleasant chill down his spine. Maybe it was just that she was unfamiliar? He didn’t really like being touched by people he didn’t know very well.

“We would, of course,” she continued, “need to do something about this face of yours.”

He cringed, bringing a hand up to his cheek. Right. Of course she could see through his spell. He suddenly felt exposed. Naked. He hadn’t let anyone see his new face since he showed Kravitz back during the day of Story and Song. 

“And you could… you could do something about it?” His voice was barely above a whisper, afraid to let himself hope too hard for something he’d already written off as an impossibility. He could look like Lup again. Like _himself_ again. No magic. No spells. Just him.

“What good is a goddess of beauty who cannot restore beauty to her devoted followers?”

Taako should be elated right now. This was everything he wanted and he had to do basically no work to get it. Totally on brand for him. So why the sinking feeling in his stomach? Why the pool of dread? Something was wrong. The gold was too shining and too bright and he couldn’t get a good enough look at anything. What he could see was too sharp. Too many edges. He felt dizzy.

Taako cast true sight. 

Holy fucking shit. 

He fought to keep his expression neutral as the glamor of the environment melted away, leaving behind a dark stone room filled to the brim with one horror after another. 

The throne, previously gilded and shimmering, was now constructed from contorted, writing limbs. Though not attached to any body he could see, they clawed at the air and at one another, long, yellowing nails breaking as they scratched and dug.

Immediately behind the throne, a grouping of heads hung from chains on the wall. They were beautiful, all full lips and bright eyes. But with faces contorted in pain and mouths gaping as they gasped for air.

Nasagi changed too. Still stunning but with sunken cheeks and large, pupiless eyes. Her rows of blinding white teeth now sharp and threatening, her smile shifting into more of a snarl. 

As much as he wanted to have eternal life and beauty…

“My lady, I’m, uh… thrilled by your _super_ generous offer. I think I need a little time to— to, uh… think it over. Talk it out with my agent. Then I’ll for _sure_ let you know. Have my people call your people, and all that.” He took a few steps backwards from her throne.

“I’m afraid this is a rather… time sensitive matter.” 

Taako turned and— right. No doors. Of fuckin’ course. 

“Taako, my _dear_. I need your precious soul to sustain my existence. In exchange, I can give you everything you desire.”

He heard her stand from her throne and whipped back around to face her, towering over him and smiling that bone-chilling smile. He backed up again until he hit the wall. 

Oh fuck. Okay. 

How did he get out? He’d never had to make a getaway before. All the other gods he’d communed with had just sent him back to his body when they were finished.

His. His body.

He remembered Istus’s temple. How he’d noticed his knees hurting against the cold stone floors. How no time had passed when he’d returned. 

His body hadn’t traveled here with him. Only… only his soul. 

She took a step towards him, quickly closing the distance.

“Nasagi, my dude, I really, _really_ appreciate the offer. But unfortunately…”

He cast blink.

In a flash, he was back in the ruins, kneeling in front of the altar. Standing, he let out a laugh of relief.

“...Taako’s good out here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are really playing fast and loose with the 5e Panthenon, my friends.  
> We are also coming up on the emotional climax soon? In like 2-3 chapters or so? So get pumped for that! I'm anticipating somewhere around 5-6 more chapters total for this story. We're getting there!
> 
> Also! I’m very pumped for the next chapter! It’s probably my favorite one I’ve done so far. That should go up on 11/2.
> 
> I hope you all have a lovely day today and a fantastic week. I love y'all!


	11. In The Stacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup tries to figure out what Taako is up to. She does find something, but it isn't what she expects.

Lup had been tracking Taako’s soul twice a day for the past month or so. And, yeah, maybe it was a “violation of privacy” or whatever, but privacy didn’t apply to her. Especially when his soul had been occasionally disappearing from the prime material plane. _ Especially _ -especially when one of the places his soul had been frequenting when he  _ was _ on the prime material plane was Lucus fuckin Miller’s school. So she decided to investigate and to enlist Barry’s help in her noble cause.

She focused on Lucus’s school, feeling for Taako’s energy— a deep and fluid essence that she would recognize anywhere, across any plane of reality. He wasn’t there currently (which was good; she didn’t want to get caught snooping around) but traces of his aura still hung about, concentrated in one specific building of the impossibly large campus. 

Maintaining her focus, she swung her scythe in a high arc, slicing a rift that took her directly to…

A library. 

“Huh,” Barry murmured, stepping through behind her and taking a look around, “not what I was expecting.”

Not what Lup had been expecting, either. 

It wasn’t like Taako had never been in a library before. They used to go to them all the time as kids. Libraries were extremely useful when you're traveling around. They used to steal spellbooks, dry off from the rain, or take quick naps in corners for as long as they could before someone came by to kick the vagrant kids out. 

When they joined the IPRE, they would go to the organization’s library to check books out for their research but they never stuck around long because it never quite felt like they were supposed to be there. And after that… Lup didn’t know whether he had been in a library since. He was her brother, after all. Not some kind of fuckin nerd like Barry. 

The library was gigantic and she wasn’t entirely sure what she was looking for. Just some kind of clue to indicate what he was spending so much time doing that she couldn’t know about. Something to let her know that he was as “fine” as he kept claiming to be. Then she would drop it and Taako could do whatever the fuck he wanted without her and it wouldn’t hurt her feelings even a little bit.

Lup let her gaze travel upward toward the glass domed ceiling, watching as heavy rain poured over the surface, backlit by the occasional flash of lightning. She could see each floor of the library from where they stood. Eight floors total, each one with countless rows of books and scrolls.

“Okay, maybe we should split up,” she suggested. “This place is enormous.”

“Any ideas on what we’re actually looking for?”

“Absolutely not.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and walked off towards the stairs, completely bypassing the elevator. If the idea of being stuck in a small contained space wasn’t enough to set alarm bells off in her brain, the unsettling smile and bright, unblinking eyes on the door sure as hell were. 

As she made her way up a massive marble staircase and began weaving through a few shelves, she came to the realization that she hadn’t been lying. She truly did have no idea what the fuck she was looking for. There were probably miles of bookshelves here and she didn’t even know where to start in terms of finding out what the fuck Taako was doing spending his time here of all places. It was just a library. A library owned by a huge fucking creepozoid but a library nontheless. Probably nothing suspicious to be found here. 

Then she saw a dark flash of movement out of the corner of her eye. She whipped around to face it just as it ducked behind a bookshelf.

Okay. Suspicious. 

She opened a rift straight to the opposite side of the shelf— element of surprise, bitch— and found herself face to face with Kravitz.

“Oh, hi, Lup.” He gave an awkward wave and looked very much like he would like to open a rift of his own and dive through it headfirst. “Didn’t, ah, didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Kravitz?” She stepped through the rift to join him on the other side, arching an eyebrow. “Didn’t expect to see you here either, my dude. What’s up?”

He shuffled his feet, avoiding her gaze by staring intently down at his shoes, his hand clutching tightly around his scythe. “I was just, ah, taking a quick look around, you know? Sometimes I like to check in on old bounties and see if— make sure that they’re not, ah, getting into any trouble. And Lucus was a bounty who caused a  _ lot _ of trouble so I thought it might— that it would be a good idea to—”

“Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there, compadre.” She lifted a hand up, mercifully cutting his rambling off. “You’re here to snoop on Taako, yeah?”

“Yes?” He knitted his brow and looked up at her, uncertain.

“Thought you were ‘sure there was nothing to worry about,’ or whatever.”

“Well, yes. I mean, there probably  _ is _ nothing to worry about and Taako  _ is _ absolutely entitled to his privacy...”

“But?” she crossed her arms over her chest.

Kravitz rubbed the back of his neck, eyes flicking back down to his feet “...but when you said he was spending a lot of time here I got worried.” the words tumbled out of his mouth in a mumbled rush. He sighed and looked back up at her, guilt crinkling the corners of his eyes. “I don’t like Lucus. And I’m obviously worried about Taako but he’s been deflecting and just being so— so godsdamn  _ Taako _ about it and I don’t want to push it too much so I thought… well I guess I thought the same thing as you. Just wanted to come check it out for myself.”

Lup held her serious expression for another half second before her face split into a wide grin.

“Fuck yeah, my dude.” She threw an arm around his shoulders. “I knew you were cool.”

“Oh!” He accepted the sudden contact without question, pretty used to how casually Taako and his sister showed affection at this point. “Thank you, I— wait, was there a question about whether or not I’m cool?”

“Don’t worry about it, Grim.” She released him from her grip and started walking off down the row. “Let’s go snoop on my brother.”

“I’m very cool!” he insisted, rushing to catch up. 

“Never said you weren’t. Not to your face, anyway.” She ignored his eye roll, choosing to press on to more important matters. “Now, how do we figure out what Taako’s been doing spending all of his time here?”

“Frankly, I have no idea.”

“You don’t have a plan?”

“Do  _ you _ ?”

“I-” She held up a finger, mouth open and ready to throw out a witty comeback that never formed. To be honest, she had kind of thought she’d just portal herself here and everything would instantly become clear. “Fair point, I guess,” She mumbled. 

She lowered her hand back down to her side and fished out her stone of farspeech, setting it to Barry’s frequency. “Hey, babe. You still on the first floor?”

“I’m actually on the eighth. Do you want me to meet you somewhere?”

“Nah, that’s fine. Just stay put.” 

“Aww, babe,” he gushed, “you _ know _ how much I love staying put.”

“Yeah, I kind of rock. Just give me the location details.”

“I’m three or four rows from the left of the staircase. Handsome fella in the blue jeans. Can’t miss me.” 

“Rodger, dodger.” She cut the connection and pocketed her stone. “You heard the man, let’s go.” 

The two found Barry seated in the middle of an aisle, surrounded by books and very much  _ not  _ looking for Taako-related evidence. He didn’t look terribly surprised to see Kravitz but  _ did _ flash a guilty grin at the two of them. Kravitz stooped to pick a book up off of the ground and read the title, letting out a deep sigh and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Why am I not surprised that we found you in the necromancy section?”

“Gotta think like the enemy to defeat the enemy,” Barry declared, tapping his temple with a finger. “Besides, this library has  _ so many _ cool books on the topic. And I’m a scientist! Can’t, uh, can’t quiet that curious brain, ya know?”

Lup helped Barry to his feet, blocking out the bickering to the best of her ability. She supposed she deserved this after forcing Barry to listen to her and Taako go back and forth for a whole century but that didn’t make it any less annoying to be on the other end. 

They returned Barry’s pile of books to a cart and started to scour the eighth level without any real idea of what they were looking for. Not exactly a rewarding experience. They weren’t even halfway through combing the floor when they came to an area with an assortment of tables and chairs for students to sit and study. Lup plopped herself down in one, letting her head hit the table with a dull thud.

This search was starting to get ridiculous. They clearly weren’t going to find anything here just wandering around aimlessly and at this point, they might as well call it a day and go home. What a waste of time. She lifted her head to say as much when she saw Barry’s eyebrows shoot up in shock as he looked over her shoulder. She whipped around. 

Angus fucking McDonald. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I got this out so late today! I had onboarding for my new job so I was out for most of the day. Which is super exciting! I might have to change my update schedule at some point once I start but as of right now I still have two chapters in the backlog so we should be good for the next month or so at least! I'll keep y'all updated! Next chapter should be up on 11/16!
> 
> Also I've had this chapter and the next one written out for literal months lol.


	12. In The Stacks Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world's greatest detective gets interrogated by some well meaning weirdos.

Normally, Angus would be at soccer practice at 4pm on a Friday. Unfortunately, the sky had other plans, bursting open quite unexpectedly and sending an onslaught of rain and thunder that even the most dedicated players on the team couldn’t justify braving. 

Most of his friends had decided to go hunker down with some hot chocolate and blankets so they could tell stories and take turns making up coded messages for one another to try cracking. 

They’d invited Angus to join (and not to brag but of course they did; he made the best codes and his detective stories always brought the house down) but he declined, saying he’d rather spend his rainy afternoon in the library doing some research. That had earned him some good-natured teasing but his friends understood that sometimes he just needed space to himself to work through a problem. 

And, boy, what a problem it was. 

Angus wasn’t entirely convinced that Taako was going to be able to convince a god to grant him immortality. He was pretty sure Taako felt the same way but was too stubborn to admit it. And maybe it wasn’t entirely impossible— stranger things had certainly happened— but Angus was a boy who liked to have all of his bases covered, just in case. 

So, with Taako was away visiting with Sashelas, Angus found himself on the top floor of the library, trying to familiarize himself with some of the basic principles of necromancy. He liked listening to the rain tap against the glass ceiling. It was relaxing. 

He had moved past the foundations of animation and reducing entropy and was deep into the concept of soul manipulation when a pair of cool hands clamped down on his shoulders. He jumped, sitting bolt upright so quickly that it would have knocked his chair over had the person behind him not already had hands securely keeping him in place. 

“Sorry, kid, didn’t mean to scare ya.”

“Wha— I—  _ Lup _ ?” 

“In the flesh!” Lup leaned over his shoulder to look him in the eyes, a toothy grin stretched across her face. She let go of his shoulders and grabbed the chair to his right, flipping it around so she could sit backwards, crossed arms resting on the chair back. Barry and Kravitz both walked into his line of sight, each walking to the opposite side of the table to sit across from him. Barry flashed a pair of finger guns. Kravitz gave an awkward wave. Angus’s stomach sank. 

Oh gosh. Oh goodness. Oh  _ fuck _ .

His mind reeled as he put on his best innocent face. Was this an interrogation? Some kind of intimidation play? Did they know what he was up to? 

“What’ca studying?” Lup leaned over to get a closer look at his book, which he (admittedly a bit suspiciously) snapped closed.

“Just a few things for class. Nothing super interesting.” He suppressed a wince, realizing how rushed and defensive he sounded. He tried to push his nerves down and lighten his tone. “What brings you three to the library today?”

“We’re, uh…” It was Lup’s turn to look uncomfortable. She looked across the table, locking eyes with her husband. “What are we doing, Barry?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Trying to snoop on Taako.” 

Angus felt his eyebrows shoot skyward as Kravitz whacked Barry on the shoulder and Lup put her face down in her arms, groaning.

“Brilliant, babe. Wonderful save. Thank you.” 

Okay, so there were pros and cons here. 

Pros: 

  1. It didn’t seem like they knew what they were looking for.
  2. It didn’t seem like they suspected that Angus was involved in anything.



Cons:

  1. The fact that they were here at all meant that they at least knew something was up.
  2. They were currently one flip through Angus’s notebook away from Taako’s cover being totally blown.



But the most important thing was that Angus had all of the information, and therefore held all of the cards. They were on the defensive. 

“Why are you snooping on Taako? Is everything okay?” He contorted his face into one of wide-eyed concern, sending a quick prayer of thanks up to any gods listening that he was still young and babyfaced enough to get away with this kind of thing. He let his eyes fall to his stone of farspeech, knowing these three had high enough perception to pick up on the cue and get very, very nervous.

Kravitz broke first.

“Yes! Everything is completely fine. No need to worry yourself about that.” His hand reached across the table, laying it across Angus’s hand in a way that was probably supposed to seem comforting but that Angus suspected was more of a subtle way to prevent him from immediately picking up the stone and dialing Taako’s frequency. 

“Yeah, we’re all good here! Everything’s totally fine,” Barry added, trying to do damage control over his earlier slip up. “Actually, you haven’t run into him around here lately, have you?”

“I can’t say I have, sir.” Technically, he couldn’t  _ say _ he had because that would be a betrayal of trust. Classic Caleb Cleaveland move. Half-truths and lying by omission so they can’t detect through your bullshit.

Lup rolled her head so she was resting her cheek on her arms and looking at Angus. Her eyes shifted to the side, creases forming at the corners as the mulled something over. He’d seen that look on Taako before and it was rarely a good sign.

“Hey, so you’re, like, a detective, right?”

The question caught him off guard. “Uh… yes?”

“World’s  _ greatest _ detective, I heard.”

“Well, I don’t like to be braggy, m’am.”

“Sure, sure.” She lifted her head up from where it rested on her arms, leveling her gaze at him. He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling much less in control of the situation. “How would you feel about taking on a job for me?”

“What kind of job?” Angus arranged his face into a carefully neutral expression even as he felt his heart racing. He sincerely hoped that this wasn’t going where he suspected it was. Lup released a drawn-out sigh. 

“Taako’s been acting weird lately.”

“Weird, m’am?”

“Yeah. Like disappearing. Lying about shit. Spending a lot of time skulking around this library, apparently. Weird. I was hoping you could keep an eye out for him? Give me a call if you figure out what’s going on with him? He— he’s not talking to me about whatever it is that’s bothering him and i just want to make sure he’s okay.” 

She flashed him another smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. This was clearly upsetting her more than she was trying to let on. Angus felt a guilty twinge in his stomach; he couldn’t exactly say no to her request— not when she looked so stressed about this. And especially not when he was part of the reason for that stress. 

“I can’t promise that I’ll find anything but I can definitely take the case for you.”

She pulled him in for a sudden, tight hug. “Thanks, Angus. You’re the best boy.” 

Well if he hadn’t been feeling very guilty before, that certainly pushed him over the edge. Still, he had a certain level of loyalty to his former magic teacher. Taako trusted Angus to keep his secret. And he wasn’t going to lose that trust, no matter how upset it might make Lup. 

She gave him one last bone-crushing squeeze before finally releasing him and allowing him to breathe again. 

“We should get outta your hair. Let you get back to your nerd shit,” Lup quipped. Her voice was soft under the tease, though. She started to stand from her chair when Kravitz cleared his throat. 

“Actually, one more thing before we leave you, Angus, if that’s okay?”

Uh oh. 

“Of course, sir.”

“I couldn’t help but notice that you have a few necromancy books here with you.” 

Oh no. 

“Well I—”

“And your heart rate has been unusually high since we sat at the table.”

Ah, fuck. 

“I, uh. Tried coffee earlier?”

“That’ll stunt your growth, kid.” Barry cut in, unhelpfully. Kravitz ignored him. 

“Angus, I see what’s going on here.” 

Angus didn’t say anything. He was smart enough to know when to shut up. Fortunately, Kravitz didn’t wait long before continuing. 

“You’re interested in choosing necromancy as a school of magic. I can imagine how anxious you would feel having three reapers sit down across from you while you’re studying necromantic theory.”

Angus didn’t have to fake the look of anxiety on his face but he did have to bite back a sigh of relief. He nodded. Sure, why not?

“Angus, you don’t have to worry about that. It’s perfectly fine for you to have a theoretical interest in the subject. And as much as I might not personally like it, there are plenty of necromancy spells out there that are not inherently evil.” He gave a reassuring smile, warm despite the reaper’s actual temperature. “Just be careful, okay? And don’t hesitate to give me a call if you get yourself into trouble.”

“That goes for all of us,” Lup added, reaching a hand over to rustle his hair. 

There was that twinge of guilt again. It was reassuring to know how much he was cared for but it didn’t make lying any easier. 

“Thank you. I’ll— I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. I really really appreciate it.”

“Now,” Kravitz said, standing from the table, “we’ll leave you to your studies. It was nice seeing you, Angus.”

“Yeah, thanks a bunch, kiddo.” Lup stood and swung her chair around, shoving it back under the table. She and Kravitz started to walk off. Barry stood and started to follow but doubled back after the two had made it out of earshot. He leaned in close to Angus, speaking quickly and quietly. 

“Hey, ya know if you’re really interested in necromancy, hit me up. I can show you how to do some  _ real fucked up shit _ .” 

The look in his eye was absolutely terrifying. 

Barry didn’t wait for a response. He gave a quick wink then ran off after Lup and Kravitz, muttering a quick “think about it” over his shoulder. 

A shiver traveled up Angus’s spine. He stood from the table, completely abandoning the books where they lay. 

Fuck this. He was going to get some hot chocolate. 

* * *

Lup opened a rift back to the apartment after their failed reconnaissance mission. Taako wasn’t home but, then again, when even was he any more?

“Well that was a giant waste of time,” she sighed. “Krav, what do you have going on for the rest of the day?”

“I’m not sure. Paperwork, maybe?”

“If the paperwork is a maybe, that means it’s not urgent. Stay awhile and chill with us, okay?”

It was more of a demand than a question because she wasn’t really going to take no as an answer. The dude must be stressed as hell if he was wandering around a library for hours on end looking for literally any indication to find out what his idiot boyfriend was up to. 

And, sure, the same thing could be said about Lup but that wasn’t the point right now.

The  _ point _ was that Krav needed to unwind a little bit. She at least had Barry to vent to but, as far as she was aware, he didn’t have anyone to lean on right now. She could be that for him. 

The fact that she needed a distraction was simply an added bonus. 

“Okay, yeah. Yeah, that would be great.”

The three spent the remainder of the evening in the living room shooting the shit.

Barry brought the three of them hot chocolate. It was one of the only things that Lup genuinely felt he always made better than she could— he absolutely refused to tell her what he did to make it so fucking tasty, claiming she would leave him if she ever learned his secret. She had her suspicions but never delved too deep into it. Too cute to ruin.

They played cards for a while and Kravitz definitely cheated but Lup didn’t call him out on it because so did she and Barry. If anything, the fact that he was a cheat made her like him even more. 

Eventually, they found themselves sprawled across the couch arguing over whether it would be morally wrong to take a trip back to the school and scare the shit out of Lucus just for laughs. Barry sat on one end of the couch with Lup’s head in his lap and Kravitz sat on the other, tolerating her legs thrown across his lap like a fantasy roller coaster seat belt.

Kravitz was surprisingly not as against it as Lup would have thought and actually had some pretty hilarious ideas about how that would work. The three were in the middle of a fit of laughter over the mental image of Lucus’s reaction to a pink tourmaline golem showing up to his office hours when Taako made his way home, shaking rain off of his hat.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise at the three of them tangled together on the couch. She would have expected a smile to accompany it but none manifested. Instead, she caught a flash of… something she couldn’t quite place—not annoyance. Anxiety? Sadness, maybe?— before he arranged his face into a more neutral expression. The type of carefully detached look that she was annoyingly familiar with. She’d seen it too many times before. Not usually directed at her, though.

“Hey, love,” Kravitz called over to him, restrained from standing to greet him by Lup’s legs. He definitely hadn’t noticed anything strange about the look on Taako’s face, judging by the levels of pure admiration in his voice. Lup cringed. Poor sap. 

“Hi.” He dropped his bag and shrugged his coat off, letting it fall to the ground with a wet thud. “Sorry to interrupt; don’t mind me.”

“Don’t be stupid, Taako, come sit with us.” Lup shifted herself into an upright position, patting the seat next to her. He bristled at her words, probably because she had said it with so much sincerity. It hadn’t just been a good-natured ribbing. He  _ was _ being stupid. 

“I’m good. It’s late. M’ goin’ to bed.”

He started towards his room and Lup saw Kravitz’s eyes follow him, then flash to Lup and Barry, unsure if he was supposed to follow. Lup shook her head, placing a hand on his arm. Best to leave him to himself so he doesn’t explode on the dude. 

His door shut behind him and they heard the click of a lock. It was more symbolic than anything, since any one of them could cut a rift into his room any time they wanted, but the message was loud and clear. He wanted to be alone. And if this was how he was going to act, that was just fuckin’ fine by Lup. 

Kravitz stood from the couch and for a moment Lup worried he was foolish enough to go after him. He gave a quick smile before summoning his scythe. 

“Thank you both for having me but I should probably get going. I really do have some paperwork to catch up on.” 

“Yeah, sure. Thanks for hanging with us awhile; it was fun hanging with you. You’re pretty fucking cool.” 

_And I’m sorry my brother is being a gigantic dick. And I’m going to beat the shit out of him if he fucks things up with you_ , she wanted to add. But she didn’t. She hoped it was implied.

He opened a rift and shot them both a small smile. 

“You’re godsdamn right I’m cool.” He stepped through the rift and let it close behind him. Barry stood up from the couch.

“Now where are  _ you _ going?”

“Kitchen. You look like you could use another hot chocolate.”

“You’re a god among men, Barry Bluejeans.”

He grabbed their empty mugs and walked off into the kitchen. She glanced back towards Taako’s room, half a mind to ask him to come out and have some with them. She knew it was a bad idea, so she let the urge pass. But, still.

She missed her brother. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're really close to the climax here I think like next chapter probably? Sorry that I still don't have a chapter count but every time I think I've figured it out, I end up writing more out. 
> 
> Hope you all had a lovely week! Next update will be posted on 11/30! 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for all of the kind comments. I love you guys <3


	13. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako gets himself into some trouble. Lup does an accidental hit on Taako.

Taako knew that he was not a good person.

He could be incredibly stubborn when he set his sights on something he wanted. He refused to talk about his emotions with anyone for any reason. He needed to feel like he had the upper hand during conversations. He always needed an escape route. He kept people at a distance so they didn’t get a chance to hurt him. 

He lied a lot. He stole from people for fun. He’d cheated at every game he’d ever played in his life. 

He had extremely strong opinions about things. Hated being left out. Hated being forgotten. Hated sharing people. Fucking  _ hated _ sharing people.

Maybe it was a lifetime of not being able to own any of his own shit. Or abandonment issues. Or incredible amounts of insecurity that the people he loved would leave him the second a better option came along. 

It didn’t really matter  _ what _ it was, though. Because regardless of the underlying reason, the result was still the same: seeing his family laughing and hanging out and having a great time without him had freaked him the fuck out. 

Somewhere deep down, a voice that sounded annoyingly like Lup’s pointed out that he was probably just afraid of the implication that they could be happy without him. The voice also pointed out that just because the three of them could hang out when he wasn’t around didn’t mean that they would be okay if he were to suddenly die. The voice said that he was projecting. 

Taako stopped listening to the voice. 

Instead, he threw himself even harder into his work. Started visiting more gods and doing less research beforehand. Angus wasn’t too keen on the idea after the, ah,  _ incident _ with Nasagi, but Angus didn’t get a say. 

In hindsight, that was probably how Taako had gotten himself into this mess. Some more careful research might have tipped him off that the particular sect of Mask worshippers were going to be so godsdamn  _ violent _ . 

Fuckin’ rogues. 

He was rapidly running out of both the patience and spell slots to deal with the small gathering who had decided it would be a good idea to try robbing him the second he showed up. Didn’t help that his armor class was straight-up trash. 

He had been almost totally in the clear, too, which was the irritating part. Blasted a nice big hole in the side of the building and was a few feet away from a clean getaway. 

Then someone dropped on him from above, their weight knocking him to the ground. The umbrastaff flew out of his grip as he felt the cold, sharp edge of a knife press against his throat and— oh, shit. Oh fuck. His plan wasn’t going to work if he went and got himself fucking killed.

He hit the guy with a quick magic missile. It wasn’t much but it was about all he could manage without his spell focus. 

At the very least, it caused the knife to go flying. The man let out a string of curses, hissing at the open wound Taako had blasted through his shoulder. 

“You stupid motherfucker.” He brought a fist down on Taako’s face in a series of quick jabs and the familiar metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. 

Grimacing, he tried to squirm out from beneath his assailant, kicking his legs in an attempt to find purchase on the dusty floor.

He should have known better than to think he could win a strength contest against this dude. Or against anyone, really. But  _ especially _ someone who was so fucking built and  _ especially  _ when his arms were pinned to his sides by a pair of muscular thighs. 

Taako wondered if they had a gym hidden somewhere in the temple where Mask’s followers could go to get yolked.

Another strike to the face and Taako’s ears started to ring. The edges of his vision blurred for a moment. 

Okay. Fuck. Okay. He could fix this.  _ Focus, you idiot.  _

He couldn’t even reach out for his umbrastaff with this dude straddling him— strong thighs pinning his arms to his sides as he landed another blow— and he for  _ sure _ couldn’t cast anything strong enough to free himself without it. But maybe...

He listened as heavy footsteps rushed over toward them. Just get a little closer. Just a little closer, and then…

Taako spat a mouthful of blood up at the man on top of him, causing him to sputter for a moment. He loosened his grip to wipe blood from his eyes. The distraction was enough for Taako to wriggle loose, grabbing his umbrastaff and pointing it straight into the air. This was not going to fucking feel good if it went wrong.

Gritting his teeth, he braced himself and sent a short prayer up to Istus that his dexterity would be just enough to avoid the worst of the damage. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone lunge at him. 

_ Nice try, you sneaky bastard. _

Taako cast vitriolic sphere. 

He opened his umbrastaff, curling up into a ball beneath it to shield himself just as the spell exploded outward, acid coating everything in a twenty-foot radius. The putrid smell of poison and melting skin filled the room and Taako hissed as a few drops splashed against his calves.

Lifting his head to assess the damage, he allowed himself a proud but bloody smile.

Vitriolic sphere was already a devastating spell as a level five. Taako had cast it in his last level eight slot. Get fuckin’ wrecked.

He didn’t pause to see who was injured and who, if anyone, was dead. Frankly, it didn’t matter. They brought it on themselves for attacking him before he’d said a single fucking word. Dickheads. 

A few people had run off, likely not thinking it was worth it to pursue a target capable of that much damage. Taako turned heel and did the same, hightailing it in the opposite direction before anyone got wise to how low he was on spell slots and decided to take another crack at him. He didn’t stop until he was in his wagon and heading out of town.

Mask’s temple wasn’t very far from Goldcliff in the grand scheme of things, but it was still about a twelve hour ride if he didn’t make any stops. It was late by the time he made it back to the apartment. 

He didn’t bother unlocking the door. Instead, he used his last spell slot for the day to blink directly into his bedroom. He was pretty sure Lup and Barry were still at work but he  _ really _ wasn’t in the mood to explain why he looked beat to hell on the off chance that they were home. 

He dispelled disguise self as he examined himself in the mirror— it was a lot easier to assess damage without any glamours in the way— and winced. He looked like shit. Not just from the beating he took, either. 

Taako downed a healing potion (and then another. And then another. Gods, it was a good thing he had stocked up— he’d have to remember to call on Merle soon for a refill. Was there a limit on how many he was supposed to take at once? Did he really care if there was?) and watched as bruises faded and cuts closed. The dark circles under his eyes remained, as did the worry lines. 

He wiped dry blood away, eliminating the last signs that he’d been in a fight. The last visible signs, anyway. The soreness was for  _ sure _ not gonna be going away anytime soon.

Sighing, he sat on the edge of his bed and pulled a notebook off of the side table. He opened it to a bookmarked page and crossed Mask’s name off of the list. 

He wondered if he was ever going to catch a break.   


* * *

Lup sat at the table with Kravitz and Barry as the trio worked on a particularly large stack of paperwork from their last mission. 

Or, the boys worked on it, rather. Lup was trying to help. Honest to gods. Cross her unbeating heart. But it just wasn’t working out for her. 

For starters, she was sore as  _ hell _ from their past few missions. She couldn't seem to stop getting hurt when they went out and she was starting to get really fucking sick of walking around with sore rips and shoulders and freshly-healed knife wounds.

But more worryingly, Taako was making himself, like,  _ freakishly _ scarce. She hadn’t actually seen him in person in days, despite the fact that she knew he’d occasionally been  _ in _ the apartment. And when she did see him, it was always brief. Either running out the door or scurrying into his bedroom or grabbing something from the kitchen. Always too busy for more than a quick exchange. 

It was probably the longest time she’d gone without hanging out with him, if you didn’t count the times when one of them died on the Starblaster or when she’d been stuck in the umbrastaff. 

The longest time that they’d been  _ able _ to see one another but  _ hadn’t _ .

It was fucking infuriating. She couldn’t stand being ignored.

Lup tried to wrangle her attention back to the task at hand but it was a futile effort. She didn’t really give a shit about work right now. And, frankly, the fact that the other two reapers were able to focus on something as stupid as this bullshit  _ paperwork _ at all was starting to piss her off. 

“Hey babe? You, uh, you okay?” 

“Great.” she glowered down at the stack of papers in front of her, running a frustrated hand through her hair. 

“I— okay…” He trailed off, clearly wanting to ask something and instead leaving an annoyingly pregnant pause hanging in the air.

She looked up just in time to catch a glance shared between her husband and her coworker. Some kind of silent conversation about her like she wasn’t sitting directly across from them. 

“Anything you two would like to share with the rest of the class?” 

Kravitz sighed, pausing to rub his eyes before meeting her gaze. He looked tired. 

“Lup, maybe you should take some time off.”

“Why.” It came out as more of an accusation than a question. She was tired of trying to monitor her tone. 

“You’ve been distracted lately and it’s just not safe. For you or for us. We can’t afford to have anyone who isn’t fully focused working on these cases.”

“Horseshit, bones.”

“That’s not—”

“No. No, it  _ definitely _ is. I’m not the only one distracted here. I  _ know _ you’ve been off your shit lately too so don’t you fucking point fingers at me like  _ I’m _ the only one with problems here, alright?” Lup could feel herself getting worked up, her voice rising to something just below a shout by the time she reached the end of her speech. A small part of her brain thanked the Raven Queen that she didn’t get flushed when she was upset any more. 

“Lup.” Kravitz’s voice wasn’t soft and understanding any more. It reminded her of the serious tone Davenport used to take with the Starblaster crew when he meant business. “I am your friend and I care about you. But I think sometimes we both forget that I am also technically your boss. And my job is to hunt criminals and keep people safe. I cannot effectively do that if you’re distracted.”

“But you—”

“ _ Lup _ .” He cut her off. “Whether I am capable of doing my job right now or not isn’t your call. That’s up to the Raven Queen to decide directly and, frankly, I have a lot more practice compartmentalizing work and home life. Go home. Get some rest. Come back when you feel more up to it.”

“Barry?” She turned to her husband, who had been acting  _ very _ interested in the stack of papers in front of him for the past minute. “Do you, like,  _ agree _ with this?”

“I— it’s not my call, Lup.”

“That’s not what I asked.” She met his eyes with a steely gaze and he looked away, unwilling to meet it. 

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

She stood, pushing herself away from the table with enough force to knock her chair over backwards. This was totally fucking stupid and he knew it. 

And, like, yeah. She wasn’t doing so great when it came to focusing on work right now. But it was also the literal  _ only _ thing she had going on other than obsessing over what her moronic brother was doing twenty-four seven. If  _ anyone _ should be getting a fucking group intervention, it was _ him. _

Frankly, she was pissed. This was his fucking fault and she was sick of tiptoeing around the subject. He just needed to own up to whatever it was he was doing and then she wouldn’t have to be in this stupid mess. 

She shouldn’t be the only one getting a talking to about acting weird.  _ Taako _ was the one who needed it.

And, godsdamn it, she was going to give it to him.

“Fine.” 

Lup turned and opened a rift directly into Taako’s room. She ignored the soft warning of “ _ don’t!”  _ that Barry called out behind her when he saw where she was going. Whose fucking side was he on, anyway?

Taako let out a surprised yelp as she appeared, springing up from where he had been sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Lup what the fuck? You can’t just— I’m not— get out!”

He turned away from her, his hands flying up to his hair and furiously undoing his braid, yanking long strands out so the hair formed a tangled curtain between them. 

“No, I’m done with this bullshit, Taako. You need to tell me what’s going on with you. Like, now.”

“Fantasy  _ Christ _ , Lup, I’m  _ fine _ . All good. Spectacular, even. Will you fucking leave?” He didn’t look at her when he spoke, fruitlessly running fingers through the mass of knots. Gods, what the fuck was wrong with him? He couldn’t even fucking look her in the eye?

She ducked her head down to try to look him in the face and rolled her eyes when he jerked away to avoid it. Typical. Doing anything to avoid a real confrontation. 

“Just tell me what you’re fucking doing. I  _ know _ you’re not going to work and I  _ know _ you’ve been going to Lucas’s nerd-ass school so just. Fucking tell me! You’re being stupid!”

“It’s not your fucking business! Just drop it; I’m not in the fucking mood.”

She moved to position herself in front of him again and he turned away. 

“And I haven’t been in the mood to deal with your horseshit for the past few months! But here we are!” She moved again and he moved with her, this time neither stopping until she was following him in circles around the room in a low-speed chase. 

That was fine with her. He would get sick if this before she did and then he’d have to fucking  _ look _ at her and not  _ ignore _ her and she  _ hated  _ being ignored, she fucking  _ hated it.  _

“Lulu—”

“No. Nope. Absolutely  _ not _ . Don’t you even  _ fucking _ start with that shit. You  _ know _ I can’t stand that nickname.”

“It doesn’t matter if you can’t stand it or not,  _ Lulu _ . You’re in  _ my _ room and  _ I’m _ not having this fucking conversation.”

He snatched his hat from his bed and shoved it on, pulling it low over his face. And, seriously?  _ This _ was how childish he was willing to act just to avoid her? How was this any better than still being in the umbrastaff if he was still going to pretend that she didn’t exist? Is that what he fucking  _ wanted?  _ Is  _ that _ why he’d been ignoring her?

The thought overtook her mind in a flurry and try as she might, she couldn’t shove it down. That would explain the absences. The lies. The fact that he was refusing to look her in the face. 

But he couldn’t just  _ avoid _ her. He couldn’t act like a child and ignore the problem forever. Ignore  _ her _ forever. This was stupid. He  _ looked _ stupid, spinning around her with his hair piled to the side and his hat hastily thrown on his head. 

“Taako, would you just— you’re being— gods, stop it! Just stop! You look ridiculous.”

Taako finally stopped moving, his defensive posture absolutely deflating. 

“Cheap shot, my dude.” His voice broke on the last word as she finally caught up with him enough to get a good look into his eyes and—

Oh. Oh fuck. 

The first thing she noticed was that they looked different. The color not as vibrant. The eyelashes not as thick. 

The second thing she noticed was that they were blinking back tears. 

The third thing she noticed was that they were  _ furious _ . 

“Taako, I’m— I didn’t know that you— I wouldn’t have—” Lup sputtered, trying to find the right words but they wouldn’t come. She hadn’t seen him without his glamours on yet. Taako wasn’t ready to share that with her and she’d never wanted to push it. She didn’t want to force him into showing her.

And yet here they were. 

“Get. The fuck. Out.” he spat the words out through gritted teeth. Through lips that weren’t as full as they used to be. Through a mouth that she had no right to look at without his explicit permission. 

Their arguments weren’t supposed to go like this. They always hurled insults but they weren’t ever supposed to be  _ real. _ They were never supposed to actually  _ hurt. _

“I didn’t mean—” 

“I said  _ leave _ .” His voice was thick with tears even as his expression steeled into something almost painfully icy. 

Lup turned, tears springing to her eyes as she ran out, not stopping until she had reached her own room and collapsed onto the bed. 

She pulled her knees in close to her chest and listened to Taako slam his bedroom door shut. She listened to the familiar dull thud of objects being thrown at the wall. 

A choked sob escaped her throat. 

She wished sleep still came as easily as it used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there we have it folks. We finally reached a breaking point! Yay!
> 
> We are really rounding the corner and drawing near a conclusion here, which is very very exciting! Unfortunately with the new job, I haven’t had a ton of time to keep up with writing so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to update on time for the last few updates—but don’t panic! I have every intention of finishing this and I’m going to try to keep my updates as timely as possible! 
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading!! See you soon!


End file.
